I can definitively say that my biggest fear as a parent was that my kid would use drugs.

But for some strange reason, I didn’t educate myself on the subject. I didn’t know why teens and tweens choose to use substances. I didn’t know how to prevent it (other than telling my son not to). And I certainly didn’t know what to do when my fear was realized, and he did start using substances.

It’s taken me long enough to get around to tackling this rather large topic but here in episode 175, I’m starting at square one to bring you a series on adolescent substance use.

As I begin today, I don’t even know how long the series will be – just stick around and I promise to cover as much as I can to help you thoroughly understand substance use in teens - including why they do it, who’s most at risk, what to do to help prevent it, what to do if it still happens, and what to do if it turns into a real problem.

Today, I’ll start with the why – because you can’t possibly manage the rest without this essential piece of the puzzle. And I’ll talk about some general preventative measures. Stay with me.

PODCAST INTRO

Understanding why teens are so prone to using substances, starts with a look at the adolescent brain. Now, if you want the big picture, you can go back to my fundamentals series and listen to episodes 130-132. I’ll link to all the episodes mentioned in the episode description and show notes.

In a nutshell, the changes going on in the adolescent brain make our kids extremely vulnerable to the potential for substance use. Here’s why:

The part of the brain that manages executive functions like self-control and making good decisions) is very weak – that’s the prefrontal cortex

The part of the brain associated with emotion and the fight or flight response is super sensitive  - that’s the amygdala

The neural system of the brain responsible for seeking out pleasurable experiences and reinforcing the motivation to do those things again and again…is turbo-charged – that’s the reward system.

The neural system of the brain responsive to social interaction and behaviors also crisscrosses these other areas.

And when you throw all of this together, you have teens, who are led by their emotions, are drawn to risky behavior, despite the consequences, are highly motivated by being accepted by their peers, without a lot of capacity for thinking rationally, use self-control and make good decisions.

Specifically, the reward system is actually several different areas of the brain which communicate through chemical messages passed from neuron to neuron through synapses (little gaps in between the neurons)

The chemical we’re talking about in this case is dopamine. You’ve heard of dopamine. Dopamine is used in other parts of the brain too, but in this case, it’s the chemical that causes us to seek out pleasurable experiences and once we do that “something pleasurable”, it reinforces our need to do it again and again.

This pleasurable thing for teens could be sports or acting in a play – things we consider positive. Or it could be eating sugar, scrolling TikTok, or it could be drinking alcohol, vaping nicotine or smoking weed. All of these things provide a rewarding or pleasurable experience and once the reward system gets a “taste” of it, it tells us – “wow – that was great, let’s do that again!”

And again, in the teen brain, the reward system is turbo charged, everything is more pleasurable and fun than it’s ever been before or ever will be in adulthood. So these things they try are very easily reinforced in their brain.

And all during adolescence the prefrontal cortex is still being programmed – this is why it doesn’t work that great  - but what this means is the more a teen experiences something during these adolescent years, the more they practice or study or do it – whatever “it” is – they will get better at it.

So, if this is a sport or a musical instrument or algebra – great. But if it’s smoking weed, vaping or drinking – not great.

This is why teens are so susceptible to developing a substance use issue and it’s why most adult addicts actually began their journey of addiction in early adolescence. I know that’s scary. But it’s what we have to know and understand so we don’t just consider these things as a “rite of passage” – it’s just kids being kids – everyone does it – it’s no big deal.

 

 

Our goal as parents needs to be to help our kids put off that first sip of alcohol, that first hit of a nicotine or marijuana for as long as humanly possible – hopefully forever – but at least until they’re in their 20s when they’re brain is closer to completing the process going on in the prefrontal cortex.

I can’t find the exact statistics now – but the odds of having a substance use problem as an adult are dramatically reduced the older the person is when they first use that substance, whether it’s alcohol, nicotine or marijuana.

It would be great if teens could simply hear this statistic and decide to forgo all substances until at least their 21^st birthday. And many do, actually – that’s not a total pipe dream. And that’s one thing we do need to get through our heads, going back to this idea of it being a “rite of passage” – it simply isn’t.

As a matter of fact, according to the Monitoring the Future Survey from 2023, adolescent drug use “continued to hold steady below the pre-pandemic levels reported in 2020”. Drug use in this age group dropped during Covid lockdowns for obvious reasons. About 11% of 8^th graders, 20% of 10^th graders and 31% of 12^th graders in the U.S. have used illicit drugs in the past year.

So, clearly, that leaves almost 90% of 8^th graders 80% of 10^th graders and almost 70% of 12^th graders who have not used illicit drugs in the past year. Plus, the statistics on kids who reported totally abstaining from alcohol, marijuana and alcohol over the past month, was at 62% of 12^th graders, 87% of 8^th graders and 77% of 10^th graders.

Those are great numbers – great odds. So, despite the souped-up reward system, the super sensitive amygdala making them so emotional and the weak prefrontal cortex preventing them from using as much self-control or making the best decisions – it does appear that the majority of teens are able to abstain from using substances.

That should give you great hope at least – because here’s the other side of the story. It’s during adolescence, because of the same brain systems, that the possibility of being able to reverse their use of substances, is also the greatest.

 

So, let’s look at why those teens who choose to use, do it. Because understanding this is your best bet for helping prevent it or helping them stop.

First, of course, you have to understand brain’s role in all of this. And you have to understand that your kid, if they are using substances, are getting something out of it. Their brain is telling them that it’s rewarding in some way and that they should keep doing it. Just like when you can’t put down that bag of chips or carton of ice cream.

Substances can certainly serve a very rewarding purpose for teens, which will reinforce their motivation to do it again and again. And that purpose depends on the teen, and on the substance.

They may feel that having a sip of alcohol helps them gather up the courage and confidence to be in a bigger crowd of kids, it takes the “edge off” of their social anxiety.

They may feel it helps them “fit in” with their chosen group of friends. Being accepted is so important to teens that they may choose to do something they’d never do alone, when they’re around their peers. Acceptance is a very strong motivator.

They may feel like weed helps them sleep better or be less worried or anxious or eases their depression.

They may feel rebellious or grown up.

They may do it out of sheer boredom or to forget about some deep emotional pain.

They may be going through a major life transition and feel a little lost and this helps them connect to others.

They may simply like the way it makes them feel in the moment.

There are as many benefits someone can see from using a substance as there are people.

The bottom line is, there is a reason they use the substance – it is providing that reward for them and reinforcing their motivation to do it again.

I think it was Dr. Phil that used to say to people, “and what’s that doing for you – it’s doing something for you or you wouldn’t be doing it” – yes. Correct. Understand that right now.

So, we’ll talk in another episode about what to do if you find that your teen is using substances or dabbling in them. But understanding their why should be top on your list. You can’t really know what to do or how to help them until you know their reason for using.

 

 

Now, what are some of the things you can do to increase the chances that your teen will fall into that majority of kids who appear not to be using substances?

Well, you can make sure they know how you feel about using substances – have clear rules about it, don’t use substances yourself in front of them, don’t make light of situations in which other people are using substances. Don’t keep anything in the house or if you must, keep it locked up. It starts with you and what you’re modeling to your kids. (for more on this and putting off substance use as long as possible, listen to episode 11)

Crucially - you also have to work on your connection – your relationship with them. Listen to my series on connection in episodes 104, 106, 108, and 110. Having that strong connection will allow them to trust you, confide in you and reach out to you for help if they ever need to be rescued from a situation where others are using and they want to avoid it.

Also understand how to communicate with them on an emotional level. You must be able to listen to them fully, be able to show them you hear them and see them and get what they’re saying. You need to be able to help them understand their own emotions and gradually learn to regulate them better. This will help them make up for some of those skills they’re lacking with that weak prefrontal cortex.

Make sure they understand that it’s okay to make mistakes, to be human, to struggle, to be angry, anxious – that they can get through anything with your help. And model that for them – show them your humanity and your flaws and talk about how you overcome issues and persevere.

If they are struggling mightily with their emotions or a particular issue, get them the professional help they need right away. Talk to them about therapy, look at the options and the different counselors together, leave it up to them as to who to talk to first. Explain if the don’t hit it off, they can choose who to talk to next. This needs to be empowering for them – they are taking control of their mental health.

Model healthy coping mechanisms and stress-relief techniques. Make sure they see you taking care of your own mental and physical health, making healthy choices, exercising and eating right and avoiding substances. Show them all the ways, there are to enjoy life without substances.

 

 

Do you best to offer them options to help them relieve their stress. This isn’t always easy and that’s why modeling may be even better. But when they’re under a ton of stress (and they usually are) maybe you can talk them into going for a run with you or take them to the gym. If they have a hobby they enjoy, offer to do it with them or gather some friends to go do it.

Help them feel secure in their personal values and what they stand for. Talk about your family values and what they value as an individual, how they want people to see them.

Help them find success in something – sports, the arts, a hobby of come kind. Feeling confident and successful in something can go a long way in feeling secure enough to do what they feel is right for them.

Provide as much guidance as you can about what being a good friend looks like. Explaining that good friends like and accept you for who you are, not for going along with what everyone else is doing.

Help them learn good refusal skills – how to get out of situations but still save face with friends. I talked about this in episode 114 on vaping but it applies to all substances.

Be the house where your teen and their friends congregate. Encourage this so you can get to know the other kids, be there to keep an eye out and know your teen is safe.

Get to know those other parents as well. If your teen is hanging out at other people’s homes, you want to know their rules about supervision, substances, whether they keep alcohol or other substances in the home, if they do are they locked up or readily accessible.

Learn what healthy parental monitoring looks like. Snooping without prior agreement, is not the best way to go (listen to episode 84 for more on your teen’s privacy).

 

Alright, I think this has been a good place to start to the series – and I’ll have much more to come.

Remember, there are really good reasons your teen may choose to try substances – including their neurobiology, but it’s not a given with all teens - there are things you do to help them avoid them it.

In the next episode I’ll talk to you a bit about the risk factors and protective factors involved in adolescent substance use. That’s Friday’s episode.

So, that’s all for Speaking of Teens today. Thank you for being here with me and for staying to the end. Please come back Friday for the next episode in this series on substance use and share the episode with anyone you know who may need it.

You can also join us in the Facebook Group – the link is at the bottom of the episode description where you’re listening.

Until next time, remember to connect with your teenager every day in at least some small way.