Please note – although this episode is not about suicide, Our discussion does contain references to a relative’s suicide. Listen with care.

This is Speaking of Teens. I’m Ann Coleman.

Most of us are too busy in our daily lives to consciously reflect much on our past. Life’s busy and who has time to think about what happened yesterday much less what happened to us as a child or adolescent, right?

But what we fail to realize is how much our personal history dictates our present – our day to day lives – how we think, how we feel, how we interact with and react towards others (like our family members, our spouses and our kids)…and we fail to realize how past experiences, emotional events – how we hold onto to those experiences not only in our subconscious but in our bodies – how those experiences affect how our bodies function – pain we feel – uncomfortable symptoms – chronic illnesses.

Today’s guest, O’tion, along with her spouse, V, whom I interviewed back in episode 48, ended up eye-balls deep in O’tions past experiences – her traumas, in a last-ditch attempt to relieve her physical suffering when conventional medical treatments and medical professionals – well, simply failed. What they discovered has now been transformed into a healing modality which has helped many, many others across the globe.

And today, I wanted to share the conversation I had with O’tion for a couple of different reasons. One, because I think most parents, at some point, worry about how one or more of their kids is going to turn out. We worry if they get in trouble at school or with law enforcement or we catch them drinking or smoking weed or all of the above…that it’s somehow a predictor of their future.

Some of us catastrophize about it – we think “how are they every going to be a successful adult?” When my son was going through his issues in high school – getting in trouble, acting out, smoking boat loads of weed, nearly getting expelled, I was frantic.

I can remember desperately searching online for stories from other parents about their kid turning out okay after going through a wild spell – or stories from adults who said they’d been wild and “look, I turned out great in the end.”

I found a few. So, that’s one reason I want to bring you Otion’s story.

The other reason is to re-introduce the idea that as parent – as humans – we simply must become more aware of our emotions and how they impact not only our behavior but our physical being. Our mind is so much more powerful than we acknowledge. And today’s emotions are connected to the emotions we felt long ago…and our body absorbs it all and eventually expresses it.

Here's O’tion.

Otion: So I grew up in. In a home That was, I would say, really confusing as a child, just in general because I, I remember mostly living with my dad. So my, my parents had split and my dad very quickly got into another relationship with a woman.

Otion: It was, it was quite fast from what I remember. And of course, as kids, our memory tends to meld and so it's hard to say what timelines almost collapse, but I know that he was already with this woman, um, within a year of my mom and him divorcing. So I was around three or four and. The very first memory that I have of sensing energy, which as children, we are so in tune with the environment around us.

Otion: And I remember being just this little precious, curious, playful girl, and I was pretending to be a cat because that's what you do when you're that age. And my dad's new partner was with us for the first time and I was excited about this woman being around. And so I remember rubbing up against her and pretending to be a cat and I could actually physically feel her repulsion against me.

Otion: And that was the first time, if I really look back on sensing the energy that was around. And I would say probably the first time that I also started to guard my heart. And as time went on, it turned out this woman, uh, she really did not like kids or anyone who took my dad's attention away from her. And so that caused a very strange upbringing.

Otion: As a kid, you don't really have a place to put that emotion either when you're being shut down. There's moments where she locked me out of the house when he was gone, and so I peed my pants. I would be hungry. And it was things like this that you also don't realize that you've experienced abuse until someone tells you later on because that was just normal.

Otion: So there's this conflict that's happening unconsciously of why is daddy. Letting this happen and why does mommy know? But she's also not taking us away. And so that's all happening unconsciously. So as time started to progress, I was about six or seven years old where I actually watched my dad get arrested for them getting into some sort of a dispute.

Otion: And it was my stepmom's daughter that ended up phoning the police. And, um, they don't believe men typically in those situations. So my dad was arrested and we were just told to go and wait at a park. And so I was so young sitting there with my brother wondering what is going on? Completely confused. And a police officer ended up coming and talking to us.

Otion: He explained what was gonna be happening a little bit. And then very shortly after, my dad ended up picking us up. So they actually had let him go on the term that he would have to drive us three hours away to go and live with our mom. So now at this point, I'm completely uprooted as this little girl, I witnessed all of this happen and I'm driven three hours away and plunked to live with my mom.

Otion: And so her whole life completely changes in that moment as well. And it was a lot of uncertainty and my mom lived. Really what, when I look back, I think that was probably the happiest time of her life as well. She was in a really beautiful relationship and they, they loved to go to live music. But the thing is, is that when me and my brother came, it changed their dynamic.

Otion: And so their relationship, uh, very shortly after that changed. And so the experience of my upbringing was a lot of, uh, a lot of chaos, a lot of disconnection, a lot of uncertainty, and a lot of just ungroundedness. And that changed once my mom, uh, she had left that partnership and we were with her for basically her as our primary caregiver.

Otion: And I started to get into trouble, you know, as I turned into a, a 12 year old, a 13 year old, I started to steal. I started to, I just. I don't know what it was within me, but there was, it was, I, I just had this little rebellion nature that was trying to come out and as I started to connect with different crowds that were, um, from homes that were, I would say even less stable than my own, but it was almost like I felt safer with them than I did making connections with other kids that had stable homes, which is really interesting cuz I can only conceptualize that now.

Otion: I like, I couldn't put words or thoughts to it at the time, of course, but when I look back on it, it was like, All the friends that I felt like I could be fully me around, they came from even more, uh, distraught backgrounds and, and homes. And so I started to spend time as a teenager with what was called Mall Rats.

Otion: So these were kids that called themselves Mall Rats. And they would hang out at the mall and they would sleep overnight at the mall. And I really didn't need to do that, but I did.

Ann: I slept overnight at the mall.

Otion: They don't lock their doors at night. And so, yeah, so this was, this was a lifestyle for, for teenagers. And my mom was very, she was very accepting of me. I, I pierced my own lips as a teenager. Uh, I, I got a tattoo as a, as a teenager, like, and I think, like I said, she just didn't really know how to handle my, my bigness.

Otion: And like what all was happening. And, uh, so yeah, I would, I would spend the night at the mall and hang out with these kids and get into trouble. And, um, not long into high school, I actually ended up being expelled from school. And, uh, that, that was kind of that moment where it was the. First big arrest.

Otion: That I had. And it started this path of just drinking and drugs and, and what I look at it as now was I didn't have any place to express myself. Right. I didn't fit in with the school system instead of them being curious about, you know, why did you do this thing? It was just immediate exclusion and expulsion.

Otion: Yeah. And so it's like the system doesn't even know how to handle kids that are essentially just called, uh, the misfits or problem children. Or, and I think it literally would've taken one curious adult. Who, who showed genuine interest in like, what's really going on

Ann: in there? It's, it's amazing to me that, that more people don't realize that, but I think maybe the schools and the school, the teachers, the administrators, they're so busy doing everything else that they have to do that.

Ann: The last thing on the list is, let's see what's going on with this one kid. So what, what was it that was going on that got you expelled?

Ann: Do you mind saying,

Otion: I don't love, I don't love

Ann: talking about, about it. We want, we want, I just, you know, parents, because my son almost got expelled. I mean, I had to fight like hell to keep him from getting expelled

But, you know, when I was going through it, knowing, you know, I, I felt like I was the only person who had a kid who'd ever gotten expelled or nearly expelled for anything. That's how you feel as a parent.

Ann: [00:18:00] It terrifies you. So to even know that, You were expelled, but you are doing fine now. I mean, that's a big deal for parents to understand. So just that's enough. So.

Otion: Well, and you, you just reminded me, I actually did almost get expelled in grade nine, which was because I was found with a pocket knife in my backpack, which is just silly.

Otion: So I got suspended. They, I had to go to this like, hearing and, and even that is silly, but I, I understand why. And then later on it was, it was a, it was a joke that now looking back in time is not funny. Um, it was, it was, it wasn't funny. I totally get that. And, um, So completely expelled from everywhere a any school in our city.

Otion: So if I wanted to go to school, I had to go to a different city. So I just dropped, like, I just dropped out and didn't, I didn't finish high school, [00:19:00] but, but I actually am really grateful for that because this is then where I was like, well, I'm gonna become a millionaire. I decided this at, at 16 years old, and I, I just decided that I'm gonna become so successful as a high school dropout, and that is what spawned the little entrepreneur within me.

Otion: However, because I didn't have any, Um, positive influences around me. At the time my entrepreneurship was channeled and the only way I knew, which was to sell drugs.

Ann: So I had a feeling that was coming. That's funny. Well, that's still entrepreneurial. I mean, heck,

Otion: you know, listen, I learned a lot. I bet I learned a lot through that business.

Otion: Yes. And so it started with, uh, smaller drugs and then it led to crack and I'm, I'm really grateful that I, even at that [00:20:00] time, was so aware of energy and my intuition. Yeah. Because I never tried the drug myself. Oh, wow. And that's incredible. And, and you, it actually is because when. That's rare. Yeah. That's very rare for a, for a lot of that culture that I was a part of.

Otion: Right. They really got sucked into it, but it truly was a business for me. Um, and I had also been flipping cars. So I would buy a car for $1,500 and immediately sell it for, you know, two, 2000 and And, and just work my way up so that there was such a creativity and resiliency and resourcefulness that was within me.

Otion: Yeah. And I believe it's because of the uncertainty and the ungroundedness and, and all of that chaos as a child. And it just requires someone to help get that, that [00:21:00] brilliance into the right vehicle.

Ann: Yeah. Channel, channel it somehow

Otion: the channel. Yep. Yep. Exactly. So, uh, drugs and I, I'm grateful again for my connection to intuition because there was three different moments where, um, I came very close to getting caught selling drugs.

Otion: And this was all, even before I wasn't even 18 yet at this time, by the way. Like I was really young still. And so I had my license, I had my own vehicles. I was just about to turn 18 and this is what I was doing. And the one time in particular was I got pulled over with enough crack in my car to be probably life in prison, I would assume, unless I had a really good lawyer.

Otion: Like there was, it was a significant amount. And the reason I got [00:22:00] pulled over. Was so silly. It was because the, this car that I was also flipping, I hadn't switched the insurance over onto the license plate.

Ann: I noticed, noticed that it was a, some, some little tiny little technicality to pull you over.

Ann:

Otion: And so you I've never told this story before by the way.

Otion:

Otion: And I had about $10,000 in cash and a lot of drugs. And the lights started to come on and I had a phone. On my lap. And then another one that was ringing. So I had two different phones as the cop is on this side of the window and everything just looks so sexy.

Ann: That doesn't scream drug dealer

Otion: or anything, like all of it. Every single [00:24:00] like it was. And my friend is in the passenger seat and she is absolutely freaking out. And so the cops, they go back, they, they take my license, they go back to their call, they're doing their thing. And I tell her, I need you, I need you to put this, which was the drugs,

Otion: Inside of you. To, to, which she did

Ann: on their way is they're walking up to the car.

Otion: As they're in their car.

Otion: And as she's doing that, I'm grabbing the money that I kept in the center of the console and I'm shoving it into the backpack.

Otion: Oh. And we end up, they come back and they say, you have a warrant for your arrest. Which was for me. Which was because of a bus ticket that I [00:25:00] hadn't paid from like a year prior. So, girl, everything that happening, I just, you're a crack dealer. It was. And you didn't pay

Ann: a bus ticket.

Otion: Yeah, I know.

Otion: That's like, oh God. That's crazy. It, it's so messy. So messy. And so they were going, they said that they were gonna have the car towed, but they would drive us to wherever we wanted to go. Me and my friend are sitting in the back of a cop car. With a bag full of money, her body is filled with drugs.

Otion: And they drop us off at West Edwin Mall.

Ann: Oh my God. Wait a minute. What? I know they didn't arrest you because of the warrant, the outstanding warrant. Even they,

Otion: they, and this is the funny thing too, with police officers. Yeah. I have always had, so even at that time, I had short hair, but very big blue eyes.

Otion: Mm-hmm. And I swear they, they didn't, those blue eyes handle me. Yeah. And they were always so kind.

Ann: Isn't that [00:26:00] funny? So thank God the, the bag I guess didn't pop and it didn't kill her.

Ann: God, that is, that is an insane story. Was that when you said, okay, maybe I shouldn't be a Crack dealer

Otion: anymore because that was the third, that was the third really, really close moment. That that one, it was, it was like every moment was inching me closer and closer to no return.

Otion: So I actually took, I was like, this is, this is God. Mm-hmm. This, there's no way [00:27:00] that this is not God that is talking to me of, I have given you, this is your third chance. What are

Ann: you gonna do?

Otion: Yes. God will whisper and then eventually hit you with a two by four. And I wasn't, I knew that the two by four would be coming. And I, so that was where I consciously was like, okay, this has got to stop. I, I, I, I got the message. And so I basically quit that whole lifestyle.

Otion: Cold Turkey. It was like I dropped, I pulled away from friends and the universe really helped. It was really beautiful because friendships that were part of that circle really just started to explode and make it really easy. To walk away. So I'm very, I'm very fortunate because of that. Intrinsic connection to God or Spirit Or source

Otion: Or whatever. That's always just been there that I think a lot of, a lot of people are disconnected from, especially if they're using Yes. The

Ann: drug. Yes. They, they don't, they don't hear that message. They or they ignore the message. And it takes a lot of people a long, long time to get that message if they ever do so.

Ann: Yeah. You are extremely lucky. Extremely lucky. Extremely lucky. Lucky and smart that you never did do it in the first place.

Otion: Yeah. Mm-hmm. Yeah. God. Yeah. So all of this before turning 19, even all of that before turning 19. And so that was that conscious choice to stop and consciously, uh, start reading books like The Secret.

Otion: And my mom was a real help in this. So even though she didn't know how to handle me as a teenager and all of that, She was really into alternative medicine. She would do, she would go to drum circles. She did a cruise ship with, uh, I'm not sure if you're familiar with Wayne Dyer and these speaker

Otion: So like the, the self-help spiritual world. Wow. And so she, she did have that influence on me as well. And she actually had signed me up for an Energy three energy healing sessions, uh, with a woman close.

Otion: To where we lived and they were really powerful. And this woman told me from this energy, you will never get sick again. And I thought that was really interesting and I don't really get colds at all. And so I don't know if that's placebo or if it's energy healing, but that's [00:30:00] just a side note.

Otion: So fast forward, I, the, the long story short is grew up in a chaotic childhood, made a lot of things mean. Things about me. Right? So I, I clearly made it mean my dad and him choosing this woman. I literally, at that time when I was in that lifestyle, I got the tattoo.

Otion: True love is cruel, love tattooed on my ribs. Oh no. And any like in that circumstance, I believed that, well if, if this is what love is, that this is what my dad is showing me, this is what the world is showing me, then it must be cruel. And so it was like, I felt the need to brand myself. And if there's one thing I could say to parents, it is no matter how hard your kids fight you on the tattoo, just put the foot down.

So, okay. Well that, that's good. So put your foot down no matter what. If they're under your roof, they don't get a tattoo.

Otion: I think so. And I, that would've really upset me as a teen. But, but the, the thing here is, and this is what I don't have the answer to, because, so now I, I run a six figure company, which I think is important to share.

Otion: Yes. So I wasn't just like doing all that, and now I'm, yeah. I don't straight still, whatever. Yeah. So like, I was finally able to channel the entrepreneurial roots into a very, very productive business that truly helps people. I'm so grateful for that. And would I have been able to do that had it not been for all of the trauma and all of the freedom?

Otion: That I was given as a teen. I don't know if my mom would've disciplined me in the way that a lot of parents do, and I wouldn't have been allowed to get the tattoos. Would I still be the tenacious spirit who gets shit done? Yeah, exactly.

Ann: That's the question. Yeah. Well, and that's the thing. That's why it's, it's really hard for anybody to question their, you know, what happened in the past and say, oh, I would do it differently.

Ann: But if you do it differently, you wouldn't be who you are. And aren't you glad you're who you are and you know, have gotten this far? I mean, who's to say if, if your mother had disciplined you and not let you get the tattoos, maybe everything would still be the same because you're still the same person inside.

Ann: But who knows? But I think the message, I think it is so important for parents to remember,

So, you know, parents, you know, understanding who your kid is and accepting who they are, that they're not a little, you know, mini me, I mean, Can you speak to that?

Ann: I mean, you are, it sounds like, and I don't know about your dad, and you may wanna speak to that, but it sounds like your mother fully accepted who you were, that, you know, she sat back and she let it happen. But is that how you felt about it? And what did your dad do?

Otion: My dad was the one who I would call to bail me out of everything.

Otion: Wow. So my mom was the one that I was, I was still scared of her because she, she had a big energy, but she, she didn't have a lot of follow through with her discipline. Yeah. So if I got grounded, I would figure out ways to get out of it very, very quickly. Yeah. So she, but I still had a healthy fear of my mom.

Otion: My dad was, um, he was very different. He was always there to bail me out. Wow. And no questions.

Ann: He just

Otion: did it. No questions. Wow. Yep. Wow. Yeah. Like I remember a time I was around 14 years old and I ended up, uh, drug overdosing and alcohol poisoning. Oh my God. And that was really before I actually even wanted to do drugs.

Otion: I, at that point was really against drugs, but someone had drugged me and then continued to, and it, it wasn't a good thing. And so I woke up in the hospital actually screaming bloody murder in the middle of the night, and I didn't know where I was. And I just kept screaming and screaming and the, the nurse said, you're in a children's hospital and if you don't stop that, I'm going to give you this needle.

Otion: And that was the last thing I remember. So clearly she sedated me because I'm pretty sure I must have screamed. And then I woke up [00:37:00] eight in the morning. And they told me to call my mom. And I was so grateful because my dad was actually in town that weekend, and at this point he had lived five hours away.

Otion: And so I phoned my dad and no questions asked. He came and picked me up from the hospital. Wow. He took me home and we just never talked about it again. And, you know, there was another time after I stopped dealing drugs, I thought, okay, I'm going to move to, I'm gonna move 12 hours away because I, I, I felt like if I ran away from that life and I start a life somewhere else, I wouldn't catch up with myself.

Otion: Yeah, yeah. Turns out that you can run, but you can't hurt myself. Yep. And so I moved for like six months and called my dad, I need you to come and get me. And he drove all the way, uh, province away with a trailer. He picked me up, he took me home. Like he just, he was so patient with that kind of thing. Wow.

Otion: But both my parents, I mean, they were little party [00:38:00] animals when they were young. Like I think both of them kind of knew intimately that I was their karma

Ann: and payback is a bitch. Yeah. So I mean, but they never even talked to you about, you know, maybe you could do this differently or maybe that differently.

Ann: It was just, we get it and we're just gonna accept whatever you do and move on.

Otion: Wow. Yeah. From what I remember, yeah, there was no, there was no conversation about about what, what was even going on in me that was causing all of this behavior there. And I, again, I think it's because as humans, we are not taught to have conversations.

Otion: Yeah. We're not taught even to be curious about each other or to ask about emotions or. Really dig

Ann: deeper.

Ann: And it's amazing how that happens.

Otion: Yes, it's, if that was taught in school, I can't even imagine how different the world would be and even just how different my experience of school would've been in general. No, you're kidding. Right? Like, and I think, well, my perspective is that we all have the same core needs.

Otion: We all have the, and it doesn't matter how much money you have, what [00:40:00] status you have, what credentials you have at the end of your name. All of us just want to be seen. We wanna be heard, we wanna be acknowledged, we wanna be safe and protected, and we want to belong. And so when I look at that behavior and speaking to teens who are acting out, there is a need that is being attempted to to get met.

Otion: Yep. And we don't have healthy strategies to get it met. Like using our words. Exactly. Like, Hey mom, I need you to hold me right now. Right. They

Ann: don't know what they need. We're not taught that.

Otion: They don't. Yes, that's right. And so, you know, we will use, uh, destructive habits mm-hmm. As a way to get seen, as a way to get heard, as a way to feel like, okay, my parents are protecting me now.

Otion: Right. And I think that's why I have such a soft spot for my dad in all the ways that he did show up, because there was the shadow side of all the ways that he allowed this abuse to happen. Yeah. But then here he was rectifying it by saving me from all of these circumstances. Yeah. So we, you know, we, we, if we don't con, if we're not consciously aware of what we are doing to get our needs met, we will use very unconscious behaviors to get them met, which is often keeping us separate from truth in

Ann: ourselves.

Ann: Right. It can be very destructive without a doubt. Yes. Yeah. What, so your dad, I mean, You said he never really did anything to stop the abuse. And I guess from your stepmother or his partner, um, did he ever say anything to you about it? Did did he ever say anything to her about it or did he just kind of he just sat back?

Otion: He would go, oh, Donna cut it out. Yeah. Yeah. And that was about it. It was just very, and, and her, her approach was a lot more, [00:42:00] Mental and emotional and psychological. And it, and it wasn't like he was often around for it either. Oh yeah. That was the other piece is a lot of it was hidden. He worked. Yeah. Right.

Otion: He provided for the whole family and she stayed home. So, uh, for example, I was just a little girl sitting at the table. We were all having breakfast one morning and I was playing with my oatmeal and it was that oatmeal that had dinosaurs in it. Oh yeah. I don't know if you remember the candy, dinosaurs in the oatmeal.

Otion: And I said, look, dad, it's a volcano. And I was pushing it into the oatmeal and all of a sudden he started to shake, and I didn't know this, but he was having a seizure and so he started to shake and hit his coffee and I thought he was being funny and playing. But his coffee started to bil spill all over his arm.

Otion: And I was like, dad, that's not funny. That's not funny anymore. And uh, he fell to the ground and he had a seizure and everyone was freaking out. And my stepmom's approach was, [00:43:00] go to school and you better not come home cuz he's not gonna remember who you are. What? So that, that's the kind of stuff, or while he was at work, she would lock me out.

Otion: Yeah. So it, it was like, it was deep psychological Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Stuff. And I would say I'm still working through in some regards for sure. Are they still together? My dad ended his life

Ann: by suicide. Oh my God. About that. I did read that. Oh my god. Ca can you talk about that? Or is that too difficult to talk about?

Ann: That's difficult. I know.

Otion: Today, April 11th slash 10th is the anniversary. Oh Lord.

Ann: I am so sorry. I'm really

Otion: sorry. No, I think it's beautiful. This is synchronistic, this is what I'm saying, like life guides us in the most beautiful ways and I don't, I love it. Really? Yes. This is, it's an honor because, what were you about to say?

Ann: Cause you were just about to say something. I'm trying to imagine being you and, and having that reality. I mean, that's just so hard. Um, how old were you?

Otion: That was eight years ago. Okay. You were still in your twenties, weren't you? Yes. Okay. So I'm 31. Yeah,

Ann: yeah, definitely. In your twenties somewhere. Yeah,

Otion: that's, um, I was in my twenties.

Otion: I was young and it was, it was the worst thing ever imagine. And it was also the greatest catalyst of my life. And that's, that's where. That's where life is just so brilliant and strange. So why,

Ann: why was that such a catalyst? What happened?

Otion: Well, after losing my dad the whole way that it happened, I was a heavy equipment operator at the time, and my whole physical body was breaking down.

Otion: Like I had chronic knee pain, chronic [00:45:00] sciatica, pain. I was in so much pain. And I would get home from work and blow dirt out of my nose, and my neighbors would be like, they'd be cooking up steaks on their barbecues and I would be so exhausted from being in the sun all day. I just wanted to go to bed at seven o'clock and I'm blowing dirt outta my nose and like that was my life.

Otion: Yeah. And so I knew that I wanted to go on a, a quest to find myself. And so that winter into the spring, which was around right now, I had decided to go to Costa Rica. Alone V stayed home because she was just building her acupuncture practice. And I wanted to go on my own to really find myself and to figure out like where, what do I do?

Otion: What do I do with my life? I got out of the drugs and all of that, and now I'm making a really good living, but I'm killing my body and my spirit in the meantime. So like, what's that? And [00:46:00] six days into my trip, so it was literally today, eight years ago, I found out that my dad had had died. And I, everything was a blur.

Otion: My trip was supposed to be 26 days. It ended up being six days long. I got on a plane within eight days and made it home. And that was when my family let me know that it was suicide. Oh gosh. And a moment like that, when you're already on a quest to find yourself and a greater meaning, It. There was no option then to just go really deep.

Otion: Like I knew in that moment if I continued on the path that I was on, I wouldn't be far bef behind him. Wow. And there's a memory that I have from when I was a teenager and I was so confused and depressed and all of these things. And I had phoned him and I had talked to him about how I was feeling suicidal.

Otion: And he had actually disclosed to me that he had attempted suicide [00:47:00] when I was a baby. Just a little girl. Oh God. And so we talked about that and that was one time where we shared a closeness on that subject of just wanting to leave. And so I already had known that almost like that was his His way out.

Otion: Yeah. And the reason that he chose it was because of a work injury. That he had been a roofer for his whole life. From the age of 15 years old. Gosh. To, I think he was 56 and he literally couldn't hold a nail gun anymore. Oh my God. And what does that do to a man? Yeah. And now W c B is trying to get him to work in offices and I think it just, he didn't know how to cope.

Otion: Yeah. And this woman who he had been with since I was little, she left him because he couldn't provide anymore. Oh my God. So in his mind, there was just no other [00:48:00] option. And in my mind, there was no other option than to really change what I was doing. Wow. You know, that, that level of grief and loss you, how do you continue life the same way?

Otion: Yeah.

Ann: Well, I mean, you don't, obviously. Yeah. Either way. I mean, you could've gone totally, like you said, you could've followed him. You could've gone down the deep end or you make a change. So, so his chronic, I mean, he had chronic pain it sounds like too. Right. So is that part of what kind of drove you towards this new thing or,

Otion: well, he had, so he had the pain and then he also suffered from seizures and the, the doctors had prescribed him the wrong medication, which caused a whole array of health issues for him throughout his whole life.

Otion: And so they were provoking more seizures. Oh my God. And I wouldn't say the [00:49:00] chronic pain that he endured. That's something really interesting that you just shared. I'll have to sit with that. Yeah, cuz that's ac That's actually interesting. It was actually shortly after he had passed away. I would say it was within, within a year I was still heavy equipment operating and.

Otion: I started to get the migraines, so I was sitting in a loader and I had just finished emotional eating. Reese's Pieces, butter cups. Hey, if you gotta do

Ann: it, I mean, nothing better than that, mini Snickers. But yeah.

Otion: And this blood, Dr, like the level of pain that I experienced in my head, all of a sudden I thought somebody shot me in the head.

Otion: I thought I was having an aneurysm. I didn't know what was happening. I was in so much pain. And so I started to Google What is this? And I learned it's, it's called a migraine. And of course there's a whole bunch of theories about sugar and that kind of thing. So I thought, [00:50:00] okay, maybe it was the Reese's Pieces.

Otion: Yeah, buttercup that yeah. Caused this. But this, these migraines started to happen at really interesting times. Hmm. And it was always after either eating something or buying something, purchasing something. But it wasn't until later on that I made that connection. So I, I started to get these chronic migraines and nothing was resolving them.

Otion: So I went to, I did the scans. I, my doctor was progressive enough to, um, offer that I go and get a massage. Yeah, she said Maybe, maybe your neck is really tight. So, all sorts of different scans. Uh, the highest form of pain meds. Nothing would touch the migraines though. All that I could do was lay in a dark room and wait for them to pass.

Otion: So V, who was an acupuncturist at the time, she's wondering, well, why isn't everything that I learned working? Yeah. And so she started to go down a rabbit [00:51:00] hole looking for podcasts, and she found a podcast about emotional e e emotions and their effect on our physical body. Yeah. If we don't address 'em.

Otion: And through this podcast that she discovered, she ended up having a conversation with me during the last migraine I ever had. That's wild. I'm so happy to say this. And she helped me uncover this random memory from when I was about 12 years old and my dad had bought me an iPod Touch and I was so excited because it's an iPod Touch and they're brand new at the time.

Otion: Yeah. But he had a caveat. Make sure your stepmom doesn't find out, cuz she'll be jealous that I bought this for you. Oh my God. So here's a 12 year old with this huge expression, excitement over joy. Right. All of that, but yeah. Right. But you have to hide that joy. You cannot be in your full fucking Yes. Of this joy.

Otion: You have to, and you have to hide it for the same woman who I mm-hmm. [00:52:00] Have allowed all of this abuse to. Right. And so what does, what does a, a young person make that mean about them in that moment? Right. We are, we internalize a lot of things that our parents inadvertently say. Yeah, right. So I internalized a lot of wrongness, a lot of shame.

Otion: And this memory, once v helped me just address the, um, the memory and forgive my dad. I never had a migraine again. That is the

Ann: craziest thing. Like are you kidding? I mean, really, it actually is. And I mean, you don't, I mean obviously like we talked about there's the placebo effect, but I mean, you weren't expecting that to happen.

Ann: You weren't, you know, thinking, oh we're gonna try this new thing and see if this works and this is supposed to work. It just did that. Yes. I mean, that's just crazy. And if, if you could do that for people. Yes.

Ann: But, you know, just, just the fact that. Our emotions have such a hold on us that people don't realize it. It, it's so huge. Just like one of the biggest things in our world is our emotions. This is what tells us what we should do next and how we should act and everything else. And, and the fact that there are so many people walking around that have no idea what they're feeling or why they're feeling it, and, and let their emotions just take them over.

Ann: I mean, that, that's what I preach to people is, you know, you've got to get in touch with that. And if you don't, you are gonna pass it on. You're gonna pass it on to your kids. It, it's like your dad and your stepmom and your mom. All of them had reasons for why they acted the way they did. You know, your mom was probably [00:54:00] terrified for some reason of making you run away from her if she was too, you know, a disciplinarian.

Ann: Your dad may have had the same issue. He didn't wanna say anything. He didn't wanna get anybody. He didn't wanna ruffle any feathers it sounded like. And then your crazy stepmother just sounds like a bitch. I mean, she just sounds like somebody beat the hell out of her maybe when she was little. I don't know.

Ann: But I mean, you know, there are people like that, that if they were mistreated and they don't ever resolve it, then they have to turn around and do it to somebody else because that's all they know. They don't know. But yeah, the unresolved emotional thing is enormous and I'm so glad, I'm so happy for you that you got rid of your migraines.

Ann: I mean, that's incredible. Um,

Otion: it's a, it, it's amazing and like you just said, emotions are such an intrinsic part of being a human being, and we've got therapy which focuses on the mental body for the most part. Yeah. We've got the western medicine that focuses on the physical body, and so really what, what we are filling the gap in is, is the emotional side.

Otion: Yeah. The, the emotional body and which is very closely woven with the subconscious mind as well. Yeah. So that, that experience, and not only did I resolve that, I resolved, um, eczema on my hand, I resolved my knee pain that I had to go to physio for. I resolved my chronic shoulder pain. I resolved my, uh, sciatica pain that was debilitating, that doctors w doctors wanted to prescribe me sleeping pills and antidepressants for Makes no sense.

Ann: Prescribed. Yeah.

Otion: Yeah, prescribe, right? And so through just literally learning my emotions that I even had them, all of this pain Yeah. To start melting off. And so that's why I'm really grateful for this experience of my dad's suicide, even though it is still very, very painful. But it was the catalyst because had it not been for that, I, I can't even imagine where I would

Ann: be right now.

Ann: Well, it the, let, let's talk about the emotion thing and the mind body connection for just a minute. And I am gonna, I wanna get into that with, with V more too, but just, um, helping people understand that. There is a connection because I think most people know that if you have a lot of stress that can cause, you know, physical problems.

Ann: And my son, for example, had major ma, well, it still does have major, major, major anxiety and has had since he was an infant and. It, it would come out in stomach pain and nausea and he would get nervous and have a panic attack and he would be in the bathroom throwing up for an hour [00:57:00] and couldn't function.

Ann: Mm-hmm. So I mean, the fact that our emotions, our thoughts and our emotions have such a huge impact on us.

Otion: Yeah. The body, the body reveals what the mind and the subconscious mind conceals. And for me, I think my mine really showed up more behaviorally than physically early on. So it really did show up in, you know, stealing and drinking and, and all of that.

Otion: Not necessarily, but I might have not been aware about anxiety in particular, but I think I used especially drugs and alcohol as a way to express myself because I never really felt like I fit in anywhere. So I did have social anxiety, but I didn't know how to even conceptualize that that was a thing.

Otion: When you're a teenager, you don't, although I feel like the times have changed now, now like you log into TikTok and Instagram and people are

Ann: hyper aware. That's true. That's true. So that's a good thing. I mean, so really you're, you're drinking in drugs then you think you did that more to make sure that you solidified your place in that, that group of people.

Otion: Yeah, and it became the way where I actually could express myself. It was like, I felt like I needed to use those as a tool in order to express my authenticity because I felt so locked up without drugs and alcohol and they would almost liberate me to, to be more extroverted or outgoing. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say.

Otion: You mean

Ann: literally express yourself? Like the way you talked and the way you were around people. Okay. And, and I think that's, in all fairness, I think that's what it does for most people. You know, I think a lot of people that do that or use drugs or whatever they are doing it so they can feel more comfortable in their body and express themselves better.

Ann: Um, yeah, I guess I don't have a problem with that because I'd rather have lemonade or chocolate shake than alcohol. So it's never an issue for me. I just express myself. Yeah, me too. But, um, yeah. [01:00:00] That's amazing. I mean, you know, thinking back to that, you know, parents, you know, understanding that it's not always about, Hiding from something or medicating yourself?

Ann: It could be just that thing of, you know, I feel better able to express myself. I'm not so self-conscious. I don't feel like an outcast. I just wanna be a member of this group. And because, you know, with, with my son, I always thought it was probably the self-medication thing because he has anxiety and he was trying to medicate it, but it very easily could have been that because he was having issues with, you know, with social issues and that kind of thing.

Ann: So it could easily be that. So parents don't jump to conclusions about why your kid may be trying these things. Can you think of anything your parents could have done at that time? Like looking back at it, could they have said something, done? Something? Could there have been a way to prevent you from kind of spiraling out of control there for a little while?

Otion: Yeah, I think a sincere sense of curiosity would've been incredibly helpful. Just honest conversations and questions because parents oftentimes, they're trying to give advice all the time, but they never actually seek to understand the context of what's going on. And again, that comes back to that need of just really feeling seen and heard and acknowledged.

Otion: If I would've really felt seen and heard and acknowledged by my parents because of their curiosity and asking questions about me, I don't think I would've needed to use such extreme methods to get their

Ann: attention. That That makes a lot of sense. So what would that have looked like for you? I mean, would that have been just like.

Ann: Coming home with a tattoo and your mom saying, you know, what made you feel like you needed to go get that tattoo instead of just ignoring it?

Otion: Yeah. There is a time where I remember coming home and I was so excited because I got accepted on for the basketball team, and this was before I really started to go down the, the path of drugs and alcohol. So I hadn't I, this was before then, probably by a maybe a year, and I. My mom is very aloof. My mom is probably also going to listen to this.

Otion: Well, maybe people'll hide it, which I'm okay with. My, she, she, she knows, but I also know who her mom is. And, um, my mom is incredibly open compared to her mom. So it's interesting to even just watch generationally how that happens. But my mom was quite [01:03:00] aloof in being a parent and almost the, the sense that I got was disinterested.

Otion: So when I came home, And it was a big ass deal for me as a 12 year old to get accepted onto the basketball team because I was always afraid I was not gonna be chosen in gym class. Oh yeah. Like that's a real thing. I was tall and lanky and awkward, and I really didn't fit into any of the com. I didn't fit in with the, with the cool kids or the goth kids.

Otion: Yeah. Like I didn't fit in anywhere. And so I was really excited about basketball and when I came home looking for that validation, just any level of excitement, that's not what I got. It was Oh, cool. And then she went back to doing what she was doing. So I actually just never went to basketball after that.

Otion: Yes. Because as humans, I think a lot of people almost. I don't wanna say demonized, but we look at our need for validation as like a weakness, but it's just such a humanness, like we, validation is critical for us to know where we fit in the world and if what we're doing is, is good, especially at that age, like you're trying to figure out where you belong in the world.

Otion: So to just, to not be met with interest or curiosity or even celebration. It was almost like, well, what's the point? My God, that

Ann: makes me so sad. What I mean, did, did you ever talk about it? Did she say, why aren't you going to basketball and playing on the team? Nothing. What do you think that was all about?

Ann: I mean, no, nothing. Where, where is that coming from in a parent?

Otion: I, I know how much trauma she endured as a teen. So as a 13 year old, she walked in on her dad who had shot himself. [01:05:00] But he survived. But she found him as a 13 year old. And so at that age, she, she grew up so fast from there, she moved out of her house.

Otion: She started, she started her life at, wow. 13 people mistook her for being 18 when she was 13. So, and her mom, we just talked about this recently. Nobody ever talked to her about, about that memory. Can you imagine being 13 years old, walking in and nobody talks about you, talks to you about what happened after,

Ann: never mention it again.

Ann: She was supposed to just suck it up

Otion: and move on. So just move on. God. Yeah. So, Be and I own, like, because of the work I do, I have like such, I have so much context now, which, which is really beautiful because it provides so much compassion because I understand, I get why they parented the way that they did.

Otion: I don't, I, I don't hold it against them because. I know who my grandma is when I say to my grandma, love you grandma. She goes, yep.

Ann: It's one of those too. That's hilarious. Yeah. You do have to kind of go back into it, so, and go, okay, why, why are my parents like this? My, my dad kind of had the same kind of mom.

Ann: My grandmother was the same way, and he used to be locked in a closet for discipline or made to stand in the middle of a wash tub, you know, with water in it. Yeah. So, wow. You know, we, we do, As adults. Now we can think that way and we can look back and go, oh, that's why Mom didn't celebrate me getting on the basketball team.

Ann: But as a kid, when you're in the middle of it, you know, that caused obviously, yeah, that caused a little trauma in you. I mean, if we can call it trauma, I mean, yeah, because you remember it and it was all those years ago. I mean, things that we remember like that, you know, that make such an imprint on us, they, I mean, that is traumatic, so

Otion: That's right. That's, I love what you just said, the imprint on it. That's why we call our modality subconscious imprinting. That's right. Technique. Because, yeah, because it's those moments that are imprints and, and oftentimes the people think they don't have trauma because they associate trauma to what I was talking about earlier, like this abuse and that kind of thing.

Otion: But just like you said, it, it's only how our nervous system perceived the energy that was coming in and it's our mind that can either make it mean that it was trauma or not. Our mind will judge. Right. Our mind will try to conceptualize, but the body can't do that. The body just holds the memory. Yeah. The

Ann: imprint.

Ann: That's what's so interesting. I mean, because I learned this stuff when I was studying the adolescent brain. I learned about the amygdala and the brain and that, you know, that's what causes the fight or flight and, and things that are highly emotional. Are the things that the amygdala remembers, but our prefrontal cortex doesn't.

Ann: Or maybe it's that I can't remember another part of the brain that doesn't really hold onto that memory consciously. So, you know, maybe you were bitten by a dog when you were three and, but you don't even remember it. But, you know, every time you get around a dog, you get nervous. You know, you don't wanna pet the dog, you don't wanna be around the dog.

Ann: Well, it's because that thing happened. So yeah, these things do, I think they imprint on us and that's why we do have to be so careful as parents. And, and that's why I'm still apologizing to my son because, you know, there were things that we just for that. Two year period that we went through that I still feel guilty about and that I'm sure he still holds onto and will hold onto hopefully apologies and making up for it later.

Ann: You know, that helps. But, and just acknowledging it. But there are so many things that we go through as human beings that do leave that imprint that we never think about consciously ever, ever, ever again. But you knowing now that that's why your mom acted that way, that's great. But we gotta get better as parents at regulating those emotions so that we don't throw that off on our kids and make them do the same thing to their kids.

Ann: And this, you know, it's generational, like you said.

Otion: Exactly. Yeah. Because it's, it's the presence. Like if, if my mom would've been present, which it sounds like you are, that is. That is so needed. And I think it's really beautiful that your son has a parent who is doing such deep work on this and that that's gonna Yeah, that will get to him.

Otion: It really will. It will.

I wanted to interject here - O’tion next talks about her wife, V, an acupuncturist, who’d tried to help with her migraines, and had been by her side making the rounds to all the different doctors and others who just weren’t offering any solutions. V decided to she had to figure something out and through a series of events she ended up listening to Dr. Annette Cargioli on a podcast – Dr. Cargioli is a holistic practitioner and is known as “the forgiveness doctor”. When V heard her talk about the power of forgiveness it really resonated with her. So the next time O’tion had a migraine she said, you know what, maybe I can help. And what they uncovered together was the incident when her father gave her this glorious ipod touch that she had to hide from her stepmother.

 

Otion: When V helped, she helped me have that conversation with myself from being 12 years old and having to hide the joy and essentially [01:12:00] suppress. And when we are taught to suppress anything, whether that's joy and excitement or shame and anger, that's what gets trapped in the body. And the body will, it will, it will use the only form of communication that it can in order to get acknowledgement on whatever that memory is or whatever was suppressed.

Otion: And so when, when she helped me release my migraines, I was like, holy shit, this is it. This, this is what I was on a quest to figure out what is my purpose. It came in packaged in spikes. This is not what I thought. I thought I was going to Costa Rica to, to help sea turtles get to the ocean. Like that was literally, so this came in a roundabout way, like the universe is very cheeky and does, and, um, and so we ended up studying as much as we could.

Otion: We went and learned with [01:13:00] Dr. Gabor Mate, Dr. Annette Caroli, who is really known for forgiveness. Uh, Bruce Lipton. Like, we just started to absorb as much information as possible, and that is what we ended up essentially turning into a system for practitioners to be able to walk their clients through, like you experienced in a session with V.

Otion: So it's, it's very, um, It's, so, it's, uh, very ironic because I have despised Yeah. The system. But what we've built is truly a system. When you follow it step by step, you can uncover exactly what memory, what emotions are associated, even, what unmet needs are associated to what the symptom is that's happening.

Their system is called Subconscious Imprinting Technique or SIT – “Sit” for short. And they teach other healers and therapists this technique to use in their own practice to help their patients and clients get to the emotional root of their physical ailments and symptoms.

Otion: And for some people it's, some people can go through a sit session and it will work very fast, like what happened with me. Sometimes it takes longer. Sometimes we're not ready. We're not fully ready to realize the level of pain that we experienced, and we have to go on some wild journeys to get there. But what we've developed is.

Otion: It's a methodology, it's a system to help uncover what is the memory that your body has been holding onto. And the beautiful part is oftentimes it's not the big trauma that you think it's gonna be. It's the random ass memory of Well, the one, yeah.

Ann: Yeah. Well, the iPod that V and I uncovered for me was, I was like three maybe.

Ann: And my brother fell on an old radiator type heater, burnt his arm. My mother scooped him up, left me at home alone and took him to the hospital and said, somebody's coming. They'll, they'll be here in a few minutes to watch you. Don't worry about it. And I can remember sitting by the window and waiting for these people to show up and bawling my eyes out.

Ann: And I can still remember that. And I remember it all the time. It's like it comes up in my brain all the time. So it was kind of crazy the way she said, well, what happened when you were about that age? This age? I was like, oh my God. Okay, well, I'll tell you right now. I know exactly what happened when I was that age.

Ann: So it is kind of crazy how you can go back and, and, and pull those things out randomly and they go, oh God, that you think that's associated with that. Oh, well maybe it is, but what, what I got out of it, what it was so it was so crazy for me is I thought, okay, this is really. It's what therapists try to get to maybe eventually in like six years or something when you sit there, you know, hour after hour after hour and, and they never say, do this, or, what about, you know, it's, it's more of you're talking.

Ann: So to me it's kind of the fast track to let's get to this, let's get to the root problem right now and get it out there so you can deal with it. I mean, does that make sense?

Otion: I actually really appreciate you saying that [01:16:00] there's a, there was a celebration in our community where a therapist had actually recommended her client try sit because she had heard that it's like 10 years of therapy in one session.

Otion: And so I think if sit is the, sit is the thing that you do, and then, and then maybe if you feel like you need to unpack it more with a therapist. Right. Beautiful. You're right though. There's a lot of people that have been like, I have done therapy for five years and we never got to what we got to in Yeah.

Otion: In this short period of time, it's, it's very precise in it's, It's very fast and there's still a place for therapy. Absolutely.

Ann: In my mind. But I think, I think you're right. I think maybe figuring out, okay, oh my God, okay, that's it. And then let's, let's talk about this thing. And maybe what else that led to and where it went.

So, my conversation with O’tion didn’t actually end so abruptly – we talked for almost 2 hours. But because I’m more of a talker than an interviewer, there was no real perfect ending. I’ll say this though, O’tion is a major success story. She has a spark in her that luckily, was not extinguished by her parents lack of guidance and encouragement and even managed to stay lit throughout her unconventional entrepreneurial endeavors. I think we have to believe that deep within each of our kids is their own unique spark – their spark and we have to do our best to make sure they figure out what it is and nurture that within them.

About what O’tion and V do - Around 30 years ago David Spiegel, who was the Director of the Psychosocial Research Laboratory at Stanford made a discovery that caused the traditional medical community to sit up and take notice (and basically stop making fun of holistic medicine practitioners). He discovered that women with breast cancer who committed to a group mindfulness therapy, experienced less pain, had a higher quality of life and actually lived longer than those who received traditional medical treatment, alone.

And in these past few decades there’s been no shortage of scientific research that provides evidence for the mind-body connection. There’s a definite link between our thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors and our physical health. In short, our emotions can actually influence our health and even how long we live.

Holistic practitioners or healers are no joke. And incorporating some type of mind-body therapy into one’s own journey of physical healing shouldn’t even be considered outside the norm anymore. The science is there – it’s real and it’s definitely worth a shot in addition to traditional treatment. But, always do your research on a particular practitioner and a particular therapy and of course, work in concert with your medical treatment providers and seek their advice.

If you want to learn more about Otion and V and their Subconscious Imprinting Technique, go to empoweredhealersacademy.com – I’ll have the link in the show notes at neurogility.com/56 – you’ll see the link in the description of this episode right where you’re listening.

That’s it for Speaking of Teens today. Thank you so much for listening – I really appreciate it and I hope you got something out of today’s episode. If you did please consider sharing it with someone who may need to hear it. And do come on in and join us in the Speaking of Teens Facebook Group.

Speaking of Teens is sponsored by neurogility.com, where I help moms build stronger relationships and decrease conflict with their teens.

Our producer and editor is Steve Coleman, researched, written, and hosted by me, Ann Coleman.