This is Speaking of Teens. I’m Ann Coleman

Do you spend a lot of time contemplating your emotions? No? You probably should. Our emotions give us direction. They tell us what’s important in our world. They steer our behavior, and even impact our bodies – whether we’re truly aware of them or not.

Being unaware of your own emotions is pretty disorienting. Feeling bad but not knowing exactly what kind of bad you feel or why you feel it, can really leave you drifting. Even worse, being angry or nervous or frustrated and not knowing why, can be confusing.

And one of the most important reasons we should want to thoroughly understand our emotions and learn to manage them properly is because of our closest relationships: Our romantic partners and, of course, our kids.

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This week on Speaking of Teens, the healing power of tapping into our emotional memories. How reaching back and uncovering repressed emotions and traumas that are hidden from our consciousness can not only free our minds but quite possibly our bodies as well.

Vincent VanOhm (V for short) stumbled into the healing industry after she found that acupuncture was the only thing that would relieve her chronic pain. She was so impressed she made it her career and became a highly sought after registered acupuncturist in Canada. But it was a very personal mission that brought the power of healing via emotional memories to her practice.

V, thank you so much for being here. Tell me how you discovered this emotional component of healing that you’ve now incorporated into your practice and even train others in.

V: I was in the beginning years of my practice and at that time I was, I would say I was like pretty straight laced as a practitioner. I was like following the boxes that were set out for me in school. And what I noticed is there was still some something missing within my practice.

V: There was something that allowed people to tell me their whole life story in five minutes, and then they would follow it up. I don't know why I just told you all that. And so this was happening over and over and over again, but it was like I didn't have the skills to fully take them where they needed to go in their healing journey.

V: And all of that came to a head when my spouse developed these chronic migraines after her father passed. And it was one of those things that as a practitioner, I felt. I felt like so helpless. It was like, oh, I should know how to fix this. Like, why can't I do anything about it? And, and nothing was working.

V: And I remember sitting next to her in, it was a neurologist appointment, and the neurologist kind of just put his hands up and looked at her and was like, you know, there's, there's been some great success with marijuana. And I remember looking at him and in my head, thinking like, that's the best you can do.

V: That's the best you can do. And even him who would be, I would say at the top of the food chain of the medical industry where he's literally studying the brain didn't have an answer to, to a pointer in. And so, It was one of those moments where I was like, I have to find something. And so I went on this wide search and through like a series of events, I found this person down in the, in the states actually, and she talks widely about forgiveness and the power of forgiveness and how that mixed with magnets and all these different things that could be done.

V: And so, I listened to this podcast Dr. Annette Cargioli and, um, she calls herself the forgiveness doctor. And, so we were, there was this one morning where, uh, O’tion had this migraine and I was like, you know what, I, listened to this podcast, like maybe I can help you.

V: And sure enough, we locate this like singular moment in. Which seemed so insignificant and, and the memory had to do with her being gifted, something that brought her so much joy. And then she had to hide it. And that morning she was acting all weird. She had the, the migraine and, and I was like, what is this secret appointment you, you were supposed to go to?

V: And it was a full chest tattoo. And I'm like, you can't hide that from me. Like, I'm gonna find out eventually. Like there's no, there's no secret in that. Like what? And anyways, we actually pieced the two together. And within 30 minutes it was like migraine was gone and they never came back. And so that's amazing.

V: I know we're, we were just like, holy shit. Like if that can help that, that quickly, like what else can we do? Yeah. And that was what it set it upon and, and my practice, it, it forever changed from that moment because I could never look at people. And be like, we're just gonna do acupuncture. And instead it was like, no, like there's so much more we have to talk about.

Ann: Right. So you, who did you start studying? What are the, what are the, the texts and the, the information that you started getting into that kind of led you to your practice and what you guys do

V: now? Mm-hmm. Yeah, so the Forgiveness doctor was one of them. So yeah. You know, reading through a lot of her material to learn.

V: Like I had no idea, for example, that forgiveness can, it can interrupt and change your blood pressure almost instantly. Because of the way that the body perceives what emotions can do. So in the same way that you would say like a bear would be standing in front of us and we would just like almost shit our pants and we'd go into crisis and you know, the same thing can happen in your body if your bully from 20 years ago suddenly stands in front of you.

V: Or even someone that looks like you're bully anyway, so. It was interesting to look at forgiveness in that respect and to see how people when utilizing it in, in a specific way could actually change their body physiology. So she was one of them. Um, Dr. Gabor Mate was huge, uh, in a lot of the research that we had done.

V: Candace Pert. And the way that she describes the interactions of molecules and neural pathways and the way that it can hold emotional data. That was huge. Yeah. Mark Roland and his work with generational information and how we are holding generation like emotions from like years upon years upon years back.

V: There's Dr. Eileen Mak. She talks about the sound healing and the way that sound waves can interact with the body. And same thing. Those can heal emotions and trauma like, I mean, the list was on Dr. Bruce Lipton. Yeah, there's a lot.

Ann: Oh my God.

Ann: Too much to read now I'm really going down the rabbit hole. I know I am. Okay. Because, you know, that's my interest too, is emotion. Yeah. But I, I had not gone into it that far. Yeah. Um, certainly and not the, the, the mind body connection. So that's really interesting. I mean, You discovered then by just talking O’tion through this little, this one little trauma that she had, the secrecy thing and then connecting that to the secret she was trying to keep from you.

Ann: Yeah. And that migraine, once that realization hit, so what, what happens when we, when we have that realization and make that connection, what, what happens in our body? Do you understand?

V: Yeah, I, when I'll use terms that are easily digestible, I think the first step is going from a state of where this, this belief or this memory, or the information is unconscious.

V: So it's unconsciously ruling our bodies, which most people will say. I constantly sabotage myself. So that's the unconscious thought, belief emotion that is running underneath. And then what happens is I believe that it becomes conscious. So you're all of a sudden it's like, holy shit, this really joyful moment, well, that became a secret and oh my gosh, here's all these other moments that I hid as a secret that were, that were joyful to me.

V: And oh my gosh, if I just stop hiding it, what will, how will the pressure decrease in my. And that's how simple that was. And I, I really truly believe that's what's happening is that the body is always, it's always trying to protect us, right? And so when we have these patterns coming up, they feel so unconscious and, and it's like, where is that coming from?

V: But if we slow down for a second and either use a practitioner to help guide us, or we have our own internal mechanism through meditation or whatever we do to access that. Then we can start to see the string of so many moments.

Ann: Right so how would you tell someone. To try to have their own realization if, if someone can't go and, and see someone, because this is what I talk about all the time, is, you know, trying to become more aware of your emotions Yeah.

Ann: And where these things are coming from so that you can be more intentional as a parent because, you know, I relate everything to being a parent. So how can you recommend that someone try to get more in touch with their emotions and figure out why they're doing what they're

V: doing? That's a great question.

V: I think the first thing that can be really helpful is recognizing what you're doing. Like what is your main pattern that you go to? Do you get mad? Do you get defensive? It's like just recognizing that in the moment when something maybe doesn't go your way or something surprises you, or maybe when something big is coming up and what that's gonna tell you is how your body's responding to.

V: That's external to you. And if you can just sense that for a moment. So what that might look like is maybe in the morning you either are cranky or you are nauseous, or you just feel really tired. And that always seems to happen Monday to Friday, right before you're about to go to work or school. Mm-hmm.

V: And then as soon as you take that stress stimuli away, are you responding differently to your environment? And it's like really starting to look. When symptoms are showing up or when behavior is showing up, and what's the environment that you are in or about to go to,

Ann: right? So pa the thing is pausing long enough to even realize that you're feeling something because I know for myself, I, I, I never even paused long enough to realize what was going on in the moment, or, you know, how I was feeling.

Ann: I just knew it was like bad, you know, I felt bad. So talk about that a little bit. I mean, How, you know, coming from, from a person who did not have any emotional awareness, you know, if you're talking to someone like me, how do you even tell them to start? Mm-hmm.

V: You know what, Anne, this is so good, and I, and I'm so glad you're asking this question because I think, you know, we can end up in our late thirties, into our forties, into our fifties and have no idea what an emotion is actually called.

V: Mm-hmm. And there. Like if you wanna start on your own, there are what are called emotion wheels. So you could just look up on the inter internet, what's an emotion wheel? Yeah. And well now you have something that feels bad and it's like, okay, if you just went a little bit deeper, what does it actually feel like?

V: Okay, well I feel angry. And it's like, okay, well there's like 10 different words to describe different degrees of anger. And you know, so if you have kids, and kids don't have the full rept, I mean, and you and I didn't even have the full repertoire. Right, exactly. They're still ones that we're trying to distinguish with.

V: Exactly. And so what I've, what I've seen with, you know, um, parents who have younger kids, even teens, like to have actually that wheel that, that emotion wheel on their table. Yeah. And so you can look right, you can look at it and be like, you know what? I wasn't mad, I was actually frustrated. And the frustration turns into this behavior.

V: And that can actually start to teach you how to, how you identify your. Which is way different than somebody else because let me tell you, everybody that I encounter describes anxiety in a completely different way. Oh wow. Like it is, like, some people are like, oh, well my stomach gets tight. Some people are like, well, I get a headache.

V: Some people are like, well, my eyes kind of flutter. Other people are like, well, I sweat. Other people will go, well, my heart starts racing.

Ann: And just knowing and having that realization that I am having this feeling because I'm anxious. You know, I didn't even associate that for years and years and years.

Ann: Mm-hmm. I knew I would feel this way at a certain time when things happen, but I didn't even associate that with an. So, I mean, even that's part of it. It's like you've got to associate these, these feelings in your body with what's happening and with a particular emotion. And I think, I don't know, have you ever, um, read much about, uh, emotional granularity?

Ann: I mean, it's, it's what you were talking about. I mean, getting down to the nitty gritty of exactly what kind of anger it is or, you know, and having those words just to describe it and be particular about it. There's something. Yeah, I, I guess about that description and just that awareness and knowing what it is, and then you can take it from there.

V: You know what's fascinating by, by doing it like that is you can even begin to access, well wait a minute. If, if my, how do I describe that? If my headache feels like, like an electric shock that's about to go off, well that's really descriptive and if you start to look at that descriptive factor, Well, where else do you actually feel that electric type shock?

V: Is it in a classroom? Is it with your bully on the playground or did you have actually a grandparent that was in, you know, some sort of situation of war or maybe entrapment that had to do with something electric in nature? Like there, there is so much extension to our words, or even past life. Let's be real.

V: There's some really interesting accounts of children talking. You know, like I, I know some of my friends, you know, they've talked about their five year olds and they're like, how? Where? What are you describing? Like, you've only been alive for five years old for five years. Yeah. And they can, you know, describe so much more.

V: In any case, I think when we really come back to looking at the words, it's not just anger, sadness, happy, like there is so much more to it. And giving the allowance for that description to come in will tell so much. About where it might be coming from or why, why it might be rooted. And even just discussing it in general allows it to be normalized.

V: I was just talking to a man last week, he's in his mid thirties, and he has so much fear and I was like, okay, but describe the fear. He's 35 years old. Yeah. And I'm like, describe the fear. And he's like, I don't know. I just always had this fear that I was gonna die. And I'm like, well, where do you think that came from?

V: And he is like, well, I just, he's like, oh my gosh. I think my, oh my gosh, I think I'm just like my mom. And it was like, boom, there's the awareness piece.

Ann: Link it. Because we never stopped long enough to think about it. We had to, had someone every once in a while say, or you know, actually ask the question, where did that come from?

Ann: So totally stopping and asking ourselves those questions. That's

V: important. And even asking kids, kids are, yeah. You know, kids are, when you ask them questions, they can be so crafty with their results and honest. Normally they're not filtering up until a certain age. Right. They're usually pretty honest and, and to just ask them what's going on and giving them the opportunity without judging them, without trying to change their answer.

V: They're just allowing them to speak about what they're. In itself can allow so much to diffuse. Yeah. I think we forget that our subconscious mind is basically a recorder, like just exactly what we're doing right now. That is what our subconscious mind is constantly doing, whether we're awake or whether we're sleeping.

V: And so when we have terms that are like, oh, you're just like your mother, or you're just like your dad, like. We are recording devices, so we are recording the people and the things in our environment, and that is how we get locked into patterns and that is how we get locked into pain. And that is how we get locked into behavior because we're trying to mimic and trying to figure out where we are in space and time.

Ann: Yeah, it was just, it's scary for parents. It's important for us to remember, but it's, it's also terrifying to know that, you know, we are that device that our child is recording constantly. And so let's get back to that, the emotions and talking to your kids about emotions because. Teenagers in particular, and that's my audience are, you know, generally are moms, um, of teenage kids and teenagers are, you know, notoriously emotional because, you know, they're going through a lot of changes.

Ann: Their brain is going through a lot of changes, and so they're always emotional. And so, so I teach, you know, You've got to talk to your kids about their emotions. You've got to try to, you know, validate those emotions and not try to, um, you know, push 'em aside or stuff 'em back. Um, what can you say about, you know, how we as parents should interact with our kids, teenage kids in particular, about their emotions and how to help them through that?

V: Hmm. First, I wanna just soften any parent who is listening to this because. I grew up in, say, I grew up in a household where we, we didn't talk about emotion. Maybe there was like anger, happiness set that that was, and if we talked about it, it was like two minutes. So I didn't have an opportunity to actually dispel how I felt anywhere.

V: I kept it all inside. But Anne, let me tell you, that is my, my, that is my greatest money maker today because I can walk into any room and I know exactly how everybody in that room feels. So I become an incredibly powerful asset to people who are looking for healing. So my biggest wounding, yeah, became my greatest.

V: Wow. And so I just want parents to know that, cuz a lot of people who even enter our program when we're teaching practitioners, they're like, oh my gosh, I screwed up my kids. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no, no. They are creating their own resilience that's going to hap help them later in life. And they will find practitioners, they will find therapists that will help them.

V: Exactly. Right. Like there will always be a medium if they're willing to look for it. And so when I come back to your question, how do you help teens navigate? Yes. You have to remember that they're going through. A period of their life where they are matching themselves up to other teens. And so therefore their achievement, how they do in school, how they do in sports, that is really gonna dictate how they stand up with themselves and for themselves in the long term.

V: That's number one. Number two is really figuring out who they are, and that's in regards to allowing them to. And a lot. I get it. I hear a lot from parents and I hear a lot from the kids. There's, there's a sense of control and that's coming from safety and I really wanna acknowledge that, that all parents wanna keep their kids safe.

V: But how do you bridge the two together? I think what needs to happen. Is really looking at the kid as they're an individual. Yes, they're going through so much changes and allowing them to fail, allowing them to succeed, but not having some sort of condition upon that because when there's a condition upon that, that's where pain is gonna be.

V: That is what I constantly hear in the treatment room. It's like, yeah, I got 90% on my report card, but my parent always said, well, where's the other 10%? And it's like it, you know, like just to allow these, they're kids. Yeah, they're just kids. People don't actually know who they are until 25 or older, and sometimes they're 65 and they still don know who the hell they are.

V: That's right. And, and so to bridge that gap, it's with questions. What do you actually need right now? Do you need a hug? Do you need me to hear you? Do you just need to be acknowledged? Like that really sucks what you're going through. Yeah. What do you need? Do you need to be protected? Is there somebody that's bothering you that I need to step in? Do you know what I mean?

And if you want your kid to change, this is what I see in the treatment room. This is what I see in teaching. If you want your kids to change, you have to step up and show them that you're also willing to change. Ah,

Ann: yeah. That's the biggie.

V: It's leading by example. Yeah. It's cuz if they're gonna mimic something, they're gonna be like, holy, holy smokes. My mom went to all these like courses. She's changing. She is open. She's not reactive to me. Okay, then it's safe for me to do that too. She showed me the way. It's not I'm the problem. It's, we're in this.

Ann: I guess with the, with the parents. Like I was, we are so reactive in the moment that, that we are not thinking about what the kid needs. We're not thinking in those terms. We're thinking in terms of they need to do what we say do because we know best and they're screwing up their life and, and a lot of that is fear.

Ann: Um, you know, the parent has, or, you know, our own hangups from the past, so let's talk about that a little bit. Like, you know, you're walking shadow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, how the hell do we get out from, under all of our junk so that we're not projecting that, I guess, onto our kids and that we can help them with their junk.

V: Yeah. Yeah. The number one thing is finding the awareness within yourself. We use the word trigger cuz that's when our nervous system has become elevated. And I think when you can become familiar as to when your nervous system goes up. So when your muscle starts to tense, you start to get a little bit angry, maybe a little short, a little mean.

V: When that starts to happen, that is an indication for like immediate parent.

V: Because your child is not your punching bag, and so their emotional state is going to reflect what yours is as well. They are probably going to start reflecting your emotion before you even realize that you're feeling that way. Animals are really similar too. They start to get agitated and chaotic before you do so if you can watch what's going on with the kid and their tant, What's really important is watching your response to it.

V: It's kind of what we talked about way back at the beginning. Yeah. What is the way that you are responding and if you can get somewhere, Someone who can understand emotion and a specifically nervous system regulation so that you can realize that it's not that your kid's having a tantrum in the middle of the grocery aisle.

V: Yeah. It's the fact that potentially you're scared to be humiliated by your kid having a tantrum Yes. In the middle of the grocery store that leads you all the way back to when you were humiliated so many years ago. So the first step is really acknowledging what's happening into your body. Is your breathing changed?

V: Has your heart rate gone up? Are your muscles starting. Are you getting mad? And if that's the case, it's time to sit back, find yourself a space and a place that you can get to, or a practitioner that can help guide you Yeah. To what's really going on. Yeah.

Ann: So tell me about that then. After having this realization and, and helping Ocean with her migraines, then you started studying and you've studied all these people. And so what is it, you guys started kind of a practice where you bringing this to other people where you help them with their emotions, and so tell me about that.

V: Yeah, so what ended up happening is I helped Ocean and then we went like, whoa. And I started t taking it into my private practice. So I started working with clients who weren't responding to acupuncture, and I started to incorporate these emotional components, and then it just, everything just went kaboom.

V: Like I went from. Maybe booking every week and a half to booking three months out solid. And I couldn't actually take more people. And so what ended up happening is practitioners that were all within the area. So this is like, uh, for you, your podcast is in the States, so it'd be like an entire state.

V: People would travel from an all across the area to come and see me, and practitioners would refer their most complicated cases to me. So it came to this point where it was at such a halt. And what I wanna say within that is I didn't need to see people for very long, like less than four sessions. And they recognized their own pattern of realization.

V: So they didn't need me anymore. So they were self-sufficient in this. They could recognize it, diffuse it, and let it go. Wow. And so these practitioners were like, I need you to start teaching. And I looked at Ocean and I was like, I have no idea how to teach this. I don't know how to teach what I'm doing.

V: Yeah. And so she helped me systemize it and we put it into a very specific step by step. Yeah. So then we started teaching practitioners so that we could reach more people. And that is where we are today. So the technique is called subconscious imprinting technique. So we can go all the way back to where it first originated with the emotional data that stuck in it and release it and allow people to be regulated in their body, even though in the past something will say bad happened or something upsetting happened.

V: Yeah.

Ann: That. And it's amazing because I did it and you know, it's so funny because since we did that session and I realized what the deal was with my mom, I've been so much nicer to my mother. Have you? Yes. It's kinda crazy. Yes. I'm able to be a little nicer about things. So it's, it, it's amazing. It is amazing how, because I've done a lot of work on myself.

Ann: Going back and thinking about emotions and, you know, what is it that caused me to act this way with my son and what is it that caused me to act this way with my husband? And, you know, I've done all this work, but there's still, there's still so much there that you don't even realize. Mm-hmm. And I mean, I just can't, I, I just can't say enough how important it is.

Ann: For us all to do that work. Yeah. And figure out, you know, we all beha, we all have behavior patterns that we see in ourself, but it's hard, I think to go, okay, well that's not good and I need to do something about it. You know, it, it was, my son was born before I thought, you know what? I need to get a grip on this anger that I have.

Ann: What is all this anger? You know, so, Not even realizing where those things are coming from. It's horrible and it's a horrible position for you to be in. And then it's even worse when you realize you're putting that stuff on someone else, and especially when that someone else is your kid. So, yeah, you know?

Ann: So, I know you've worked with some moms and can, can you give us any like, background on like, you know, a situation maybe to give people an idea of how, um, this works and how it works with like a, a, a mom or a parent and a child.

V: Mm-hmm. And, and I also just wanna, I wanna celebrate you because you were asking those questions of what is all this anger?

V: Like that that is step one awareness, because before it would've been like, I don't have anger. Right? Yeah. You're totally in denial of it. So that's step one. And then the next step is just seeking out who can actually help you. Yeah. In any case, um, yeah. Working with, with moms and kids, I've worked with moms who are still.

V: And they have maybe some sort of complication and they're concerned about, you know, moving up to birth as well as newborns all the way up to, I mean, any age really. And, and what I've noticed is, Number one, like working with them in unison, because sometimes people are like, well, I just wanna bring my kid to you.

V: And I'm like, is he gonna turn in a session for both of you? Yeah. Um, because if your kid has it, there's a likelihood that maybe there's something within you that can also, you know, help dislodge it. So in any case, it becomes a conversation of, well, what's the pattern that's going on? Or the symptom. What does it show up like?

V: And are we willing to do it together in a sense of surrogacy? And what I mean by that is, and it can be whoever, whoever the primary caregiver, is that the, I mean, the child's most comfortable with? Yeah. Yeah. Even to have, like even if you were to put your hand. On your mom's shoulder and say specific statements out loud in regards to the emotion that's going on or the conflict that's going on.

V: It immediately can affect the two of you to release at the same time. This is just by spoken words and by acknowledging it. Yeah. So if you were to look at your mom and say, and put your hand on her shoulder and just say, can you forgive me for all the anger that I have silently thrown at you? Yeah, that's it.

V: Instantly that can relieve like 10 years of anger going on because you've acknowledged it and, and she's right in front of you. Yeah. And so what I would say, especially with like a mom and a kid, is just to really focus on repair. And if there's one thing that you do is, and when I say repair is like saying you're sorry.

V: Yeah. Or asking for forgiveness. Like, hey, so sorry, I screamed like a banshee over here. I clearly was going through something wasn't okay. I'm really sorry if I scared you. Yeah. Can we talk about it and, and I think a lot of parents, like when I just even reflect on my own, I don't know if they're scared, you know?

V: I don't know if they feel like, oh shit, like I have to apologize. Or maybe they don't, they shouldn't apologize. They don't matter the importance of it, you know? Yeah.

Ann: So talk to me about this. I'm curious about this, this generational thing. Talk to me a little bit about that. Like go, it, it, the, the anger or the, the fear or whatever can go back generations. And I know this is a scientific thing, right? I mean, so what's the deal?

Ann: I don't really understand how that works.

V: I'll use, I'll even use a personal example for you. Okay. Um, I can use a personal example or I can use a client example. The personal one is so fresh in my mind. So what can happen is, and this is part of Mark Wolynn does a really good job of talking about this in a book called, it Didn't Start With You, and he talks about how generational data is passed on to the person who is finally able to, able and willing to express it and work through it.

V: So just in the same way that, you know, Your kid can have the same eye color as you. Mm-hmm. They can also start to exhibit the same behavior of yours that maybe were never resolved in the same way that maybe your mom had the same one. So anxiety can be passed down through generations depression, suicidal ideation, just in the same way that you have pain passed down, and it always ends up typically going to the one in the family.

V: I think we'll label them, say as the black sheep, or they're the most unique one. They're very different than everybody else. They're usually what we like to call the pattern changer. And it can feel like a curse cuz it can be like, why am I the one with all the problems? Yeah. But it's like they've been gifted this opportunity whether, whether they've consciously chosen or not to be able to overturn it.

V: And so what ends up happening is, and I've seen an even jump a generation before where it's like everybody's okay in one generation and then you see a resurgence of it again. But anyways, when you go back to look at where either they remember the original family member. Or they can just remember whatever it may be.

V: Like, you know what, I always saw grandpa being like this, and I always saw Grandma being like that. Like they always had these characteristics and oh my gosh, my mom has it too, and oh my gosh, my sister. And you can kind of just see it go. And so what I mean by that, I'll put it an example. So my mother is from overseas.

V: She, she moved to Canada from Poland. Mm-hmm. My grandfather was in Aus. Oh goodness. And yeah, there's not a lot of stories that I have about this man, but all I know is that he was, he was in, pardon of me. He wasn't in an Auschwitz, he was in a different, uh, camp, but he actually ended up escaping. He, he was able to crawl under the fence and walk over 300 kilometers back home.

V: And he was a young man and so he survived this. And it didn't really hit me until one day I kept hearing it was, um, buzzing sounds in the. And it just came outta nowhere. And I was like, why am I hearing this buzzing sound? And why do I constantly feel like I'm always gonna die? And it just, it just kept lingering there.

V: And I remember saying to Ocean, I'm like, I just, I think I got a book, a session with someone cuz I just have this feeling that if I cross the road and there's no cars around, I'm gonna die. Or if I'm like, stuck in this place too long, I'm gonna die. And now I'm hearing buzzing in the wall and I'm like, am I going bonkers?

V: And then I sat down and I started asking my mom some questions and I started to just kind of look at this tree and I was like, holy shit. Did this man ever have a moment to have a place to lay everything that happened? Yeah. In his life. And he died young. He ended up dying of bone cancer. Oh. And um, so he never lived to tell me his story, and he never told anybody what happened because, you know, you can only imagine the horrific, um, nature of it.

V: Oh. But because there wasn't a resolution to that and perhaps some sort of forgiveness given to him or for him to others, or for him to be able to allow for that energy to go somewhere. I was the one that had to process it.

Ann: Did it go through your mother? I mean, did she have that issue as well?

V: Never. What I noticed about my mom from an emotional perspective was that I didn't actually get to see her emote. She would take that and, and go somewhere else, like she would if she had, you know, frustrations or tears or whatever, she would always, she would just tell me she would go process by the garden.

V: So I never actually saw that, and when I reflected upon that, I was like, oh my gosh, I do the same thing. And then I clicked it together being like, well, if I did that, would I. Wow. Do you see? It goes all the way back. Yeah. Yeah. Yep. And so it's fascinating. And I can see that even in other family members, I had one and he suddenly, when he was in his, he was in his early twenties, he suddenly started having debilitating nightmares like every single night.

V: By the time I saw him, he had had them every single night for 25 years. Oh, okay. And when I asked him, right, I asked him, His family, and he's like, no, there's nothing. And so when I went through our process, I was like, Hey, tell me about your uncle. He's like, my uncle's dead. And I'm like, okay, well tell me a little bit more about that.

V: And he was like, well, wait a second. He's like, my uncle died when he was 19 years old. He killed himself. Was he 19? No, my client, so my client had already turned 20, the uncle was already passed by this point. Oh. Oh. And so at the same time period that the uncle died and was no longer on this earth at that age, that that nephew at the same age in the nephew's life started to develop symptoms.

V: That is insane. So you can see that show up in kids where it's like, so say um, something happened to the parent. At 10 years old. Yeah. And then the parent grows up, has kids, and then something happens to the kid when it's 10 years old and then it keeps passing on. It's like there's this loop. Wow. This loop on the ages as well.

V: And so you can begin to see that. You can diffuse it. Absolutely. There's many different ways that we do it. We either do it in sit sessions, we do it in what's called sit constellations, which is a very big, it's a generational healing circle. Yeah. Um, and you can see all sorts of different ways that you can untie that.

V: So it does not keep repeating.

Ann: So really w. Talking about our, our own emotions. It's it, and, and something that's puzzling us that we just can't figure out what the hell, why are we feeling this way or what's going on? Then it's not, it could be not just with us, but it could go back generations

V: a hundred percent.

V: In fact, it's probably, in fact, it probably is. Yeah.

Ann: Wow. Probably is. I have to sit with that a few minutes because that, that's really mind blowing.

V: Um, you know what, Anne, there is so much, especially when doing, uh, SIT constellation healing. So these are. Generational circles and yeah, the really beautiful ones that we do in person. But I can't even tell you how many times we have UNC uncovered, what I would call like a lost and unacknowledged baby.

V: There were so many babies that were had out of wedlock. Over a hundred years ago and those babies were taken from them and they have surfaced in these generational healing sessions. And you can just imagine the impact down the road of people not having acknowledgement and maybe having that need, being chronically under met within family units because of one moment in time.

V: Yeah. Like it goes so much bigger than than. I think like sometimes there's these insignificant moments that happen in like teens lives, and it seems like something so big is happening and it's, I think it's, it's so much more expansive than just that singular moment. Yeah. Yeah. Does that

makes

Ann: sense? So, yeah.

Ann: So really it seems so important that we. We not only sit and and talk with our teens about what's going on with them, but that we really need to look at ourselves. We need to look back further at our own parents and their upbringing even, and then bringing that all together and trying to make sense of it instead of just.

Ann: Saying, oh my God, my kid's so out of control. You know, let's start examining, you know, what's going on deeper than that, right?

So understanding that about ourselves and knowing that it's not just us and it's not just what we've been through, that's, that's tremendous.

Ann: I mean, that's a really big thing to kind of realize and want to explore. And the ex exploration is the really important part, right.

V: Mm-hmm. 100%. I think there's so much pressure, you know, and placed on, well, we'll, we'll put people in general, there's so much pressure, like, what is your impact you wanna make on the world?

V: What is your purpose? And it's like, what if your purpose was to be happy? Yeah. What if your purpose was to love without condition? Yeah. What if your purpose was to live every single day without judging another person? And I think we overlook that because it doesn't seem big. Yeah.

V: I work predominantly, other than teaching, I work predominantly with adults, you know, that are over the age of 30, so 30 all the way up to 60. And even with my clients as well. And when I'm asking them, you know, what was it like when you were a teen?

V: Because teens comes up a lot, ages 13, bet 18 is a big time period for, for people to go through. And a lot of them do say, I just wish my parents asked me more. That they were genuinely interested, yeah, in who I was and what I thought about the world, not what I thought I had to be, not what they thought I had to be, but just what I was going through and what I wanted to experience, and then supporting that. Listening.

Ann: This sounds so simple, right? And it's, it's the biggest thing that we don't get as parents because we like to do a lot of talking. We like to do a lot of telling and explaining and nagging. But yeah, we don't do a lot of listening. Just, just the question asking your kid, you know, what?

Ann: I mean, what, what does make you happy?

And I think it also comes back to that whole thing at the beginning that's like, well, how do you talk to kids about how they're feeling?

V: And it's like the first step is to stop them from searching everything and for them to actually search within themselves and what the answer is going on. What is it and how do you describe it and what does it feel like around other people? And are you scared that you're gonna be humiliated or embarrassed or like what is it?

V: Right? And, and to have the questions towards discovering that. And I think that that brings everybody in this moment of presence. And the more times you do that, the more that kids become resilient in understanding their own body and their chemistry and how they can. You know, it's like they almost can understand themselves more being like, okay, if I put myself in this situation, I'm probably gonna be angry, so maybe I'm gonna choose something different.

V: Yes. Yep. Yep. And I think that that's where you, you can begin to teach the emotional intelligence from such a young age.

Ann: Exactly. Gosh.

Okay, this, this has been. Absolutely awesome. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you being here. Thank you so much

V: It's been an honor. Thanks, Anne.

You can find V and learn more about the Subconscious Imprinting Technique and their training at empoweredhealersacademy.com. To find a practitioner, go to empoweredhealersacademy.com/healer-hub. I’ll have all links in the show description where you’re listening and in the show notes on the website at neurogility.com/48.

Thank you so much for listening – please share the episode with a friend who could use a little help with her teen or tween. And if you have a minute, rate the show in Apple or Spotify. Thanks so much. I’ll be back here next Tuesday with more good stuff for ya’ – in the meantime listen to some music with your teen (and really try to act like you like it!)