From Parent Camp Newsletter 4-24-24
Not too long ago I asked my son something like “what would you recommend parents do to help their teenagers get out of a bad period in their life (or put them on a new path…or something like that).” And I was actually really excited about his answer.
He said parents should expose their teens to as many different things as they can so they can see the possibilities in life (or something really close!) He said he felt like being able to see different places, experience different things and meet many different types of people from other areas of the country and the world, had really opened his eyes and ignited new interests and passions.
And I have been proudly giving this advice as much as possible lately because I really believe it to be true.
What he was really talking about were the opportunities and experiences he’s had beginning the year after he got out of residential treatment.
In the beginning he was still struggling with his anxiety, had tried to take a summer course at the local community college and spent days in a row throwing up and unable to force himself to go. And when he finally got up the courage (with his therapist) to tell us he just didn’t want to go to college at all, we regrouped.
In a way it was a relief because now I could finally quite worrying about school! I knew in my heart college wasn’t in the cards but I just kept dreaming. He had struggled all the way through school with ADHD and numerous learning difficulties (despite having an IQ in the “superior” range). It would have been a nightmare to try and get him to go.
Plus, I felt like he had suffered so long because of the ADHD, the anxiety, the depression, I really wanted him to have some really good experiences. So, knowing he loved snowboarding, I started looking for a “snowboarding school” and believe it or not, there actually is such a thing!
That’s a school he could get excited about. I worried about his anxiety and how he would do in Colorado when we were so far away in Alabama. It was only going to be 3 or 4 months, but that’s a long way to go to pick him up if he got anxious and wanted to come home.
He’d been home from the RTC almost a year, with us practicing the new parenting strategies I was learning, and things were going really well. So, we committed and off he and his dad went, driving to Colorado with all his gear.
That was January 2020. He broke his knee 3 weeks in. He had surgery there and stayed to hang out with his new friends. Then the world shut down in March and we brought him home. But, January 2021 he went back out there and has never looked back!
He got a job in the top ski shop in Frisco all by himself, worked one summer at Woodward at Copper Mountain (basically an indoor mega trampoline Park with ramps for skateboards, bikes and scooters), and the next two summers he’s spent with friends at their summer homes (yay for wealthy friends!)
He LOVES his job, his boss is one of his roommates now, he cooks gourmet meals, actually does his share of cleaning the condo, keeps his room and bathroom clean…I mean, I’m telling you miracles DO happen! (listen to episode 10 if you want to understand just how bad it was when he was in high school)
He spends his free time camping, mountain biking, hiking, back country snowboarding, snowmobiling, and hanging out with all his friends snowboarding, traveling around Colorado and Utah, staying in fabulous places (again, yay for wealthy friends!) He’s now as comfortable dining and chatting it up with a CEO of billion-dollar corporation (which he does regularly), as he is speaking broken Spanish with his girlfriend from Colombia (who speaks broken English!)
This is what he means by experiencing new things. He has grown so much in these past few years, more than he would have had he stayed in Alabama or South Carolina and likely more than he would have had he gone to college.
My point is, teens need to experience new things! Help them find interesting things to do and experience in your neck of the woods. They can’t know what they want out of life until they experience enough to know what’s out there. They won’t know what there is to be passionate about, unless they get out there and find it.
Take them to the Farmer’s market, local street fairs, try new foods, go to a museum, see a live concert, let them try a musical instrument, take them to work with you, expose them to other adults in your world, tell them what people in your life do for a living, help them find a new hobby, go to stores you never go to, talk to people you normally never talk to…this will be good for you too!
School, home, friends…teens get in a rut just like adults. Help them mix it up a bit. Before you know it they’ll be amazing you just like my son amazes me. You’ll see!