From Parent Camp Newsletter 4-17-24
Although the years we spend actively parenting our kids under our roof, is but a blip on the screen of our existence, it’s certainly the most emotional, the most challenging, and likely the most rewarding (once you’re able to look back!)
But it is so very easy to lose ourselves in this job. It’s so easy to push aside hobbies, relationships, work, relaxation…because if we’re paying attention to those things, we aren’t paying attention to our kids (and, oh, the guilt!) And shouldn’t we be paying 1000% attention to them and their issues, their behavior, their grades, their emotions, their needs, their future…1000% of the time? No, not really.
It’s all too easy to immerse ourselves in our kids to the exclusion of everything else. But they don’t need – or at this stage, even want – that from us. What they need is a parent who takes care of themselves first so they can be there for their kids when they truly need to be. A parent who nurtures their own interests, who pays attention to their spouse, who maintains friendships, who feels physically and emotionally healthy.
A parent who takes care of themselves first is not selfish, neglectful or lacking in any way. As a matter of fact, quite the opposite. If you’re not taking care of your own physical, emotional, and relational needs, you can’t be the best version of yourself and therefore you cannot possibly be the best parent you can be.
So, take advantage of the fact that you don’t have to wipe bottoms, give baths, or make sure they eat what they should (that would be WAY awkward at this age, right?!) They need your emotional support, your guidance, your patience, your empathy…but they don’t need your physical presence at all times. Who are we kidding, most of the time they wouldn’t even notice if you left overnight!
Hang out with friends when you can. Go to the gym. Meditate. Have a special night out with your spouse or significant other. Learn to dance the tango! Just do something for yourself as much as you possibly can. Because a) you deserve it after all the hard-ass work you’ve put in these past many years, b) parenting teens is stressful and you need an outlet for that stress, and b) they deserve a mom or dad who doesn’t feel like all they do is “serve others”!
Ignoring yourself is the same as ignoring your kids – possibly even worse. They need you to feel good and to feel good about yourself.
Can I get an AMEN?!!