Violence takes many forms. There’s domestic or intimate partner violence, sexual violence, abuse and neglect of children and the elderly, bullying, cyberbullying, suicidal behavior, physical assaults, gun violence, verbal violence, hate speech and emotional abuse. And the physical, emotional, and mental fallout from violence…well, it tends to breed more violence.

I grew up in the quintessential small town where no one locked their doors, and everyone knew each other or were related to each other. I attended safe schools, lived in a safe neighborhood – because all the neighborhoods were safe - had a loving family, enough money to pay for everything we needed.

The most violence I ever saw was at school when a teacher paddled a student (yep, it was that long ago). Looking back, I realize now – what an enormous privilege it was to grow up in a safe, loving, nurturing environment.

I’m Ann Coleman, and this week on Speaking of Teens, youth violence; why does it happen with such frequency and what can we do about it?

Despite the fact that youth violent crime arrests have been steadily declining for almost the last three decades, homicide is the second leading cause of death among adolescents (with accidents being first and suicide third). And gun-related deaths have actually increased dramatically since the beginning of the pandemic in 2020. According to a research letter in the New England Journal of Medicine, there was an overall increase of 13.5% in gun-related deaths in the US between 2019 and 2020 (over 45,000 deaths). But there was a 30% increase in those deaths in just children and teens.

Firearms are now the leading cause of death for kids ages 1 to 19. For the past 60 years, up to 2020, car crashes were the leading cause of death for this age group. But while car crash fatalities have decreased, gun deaths have increased. As a matter of fact the US leads the world in gun-related deaths of young people.

Last year, an academic report was published that compared child and teen firearm mortality in the US to that of other comparable large and wealthy countries. The data was gathered from multiple trustworthy sources and compiled by the Kaiser Family Foundation, a nonprofit, nonpartisan organization that analyzes national health issues.  This report showed that the US stands alone at the top of the heap…in the number of kids who died from guns. With the single exception of Canada, gun deaths didn’t even make the top 5 causes of death in the other countries (countries like France, Sweden, the UK, Germany, the Netherlands). Including the US, they looked at a dozen countries – there were a total of 4,510 gun deaths for children between the ages of 1 and 19 for all those countries, combined. The 11 countries other than the US, accounted for only 153 of those gun-related deaths. The US accounted for the rest. 4,357 kids.

In a country where a 6-year-old shot a teacher in school the other week and a 4-year old was caught on camera wielding a loaded Smith & Wesson, is that any surprise?

Now, not all of those gun-related deaths were the result of violent attacks – just 65% were. 5% were accidental and 30% were suicides (which is also much higher than all the other countries). Obviously, school shootings, although it seems they happen almost weekly now, account for only a small portion of these deaths.

According to David Riedman of the K-12 School Shooting Database (which is an independent, nonpartisan research project - not affiliated with any institution or agency) – there have been 121 active school shooter situations from 1999 to date.

Michigan, Texas, Florida, South Carolina, Connecticut, Colorado – it happens all across the country – including the suburbs. Youth violence can happen anywhere.

Gun-related deaths, homicides, school gun violence are a huge problem in this country but it’s certainly not the only violence teens face. There’s dating violence, sexual violence, bullying, cyberbullying, physical assaults. Middle schoolers are stabbed to death in school bathrooms. Girls are sexually harassed and abused on school grounds. Many of this country’s kids go to school each day wondering if they’ll be next.

Just last week, a reporter in Tacoma Washington was bemoaning the latest 3 teenagers shot - in just over the past 3 days in his city.  Tacoma’s crime rate is more than 170% higher than the national average. He pointed out that means about 1 person out of a hundred in the city has the chance of being a victim of a violent crime. In his article Friday, he wrote, “Crime, is however, not always an activity of “chance”. Crime, like everything else, tends to happen in clusters – in places, times of day and among demographic groups where it, for whatever reason, tends to flourish. And, as in every other setting, young people learn from and largely reflect, react to (and re-enact) the world around them.” He goes on to say, “Crime and its incidence and its impacts are far from evenly distributed. People of color, especially young people of color, are far more disproportionately represented in the category of victims of crime. Some neighborhoods are, for a variety of reasons, vectors, and centers of crime. Other neighborhoods imagine themselves to be relatively immune from most crime. With cars and guns, however, crime can go, and be, anywhere. And any time. In fact, there are few, if any, borders of any kind. There is nothing binding, or even defining, let alone restraining about city limits. Some suburban, even borderline rural, areas have crime rates as high, sometimes even higher, than some urban areas.”

He makes a really good point. In Chicago for instance, the violence has spread from the inner city to the suburbs over the past couple of years. Gangs have expanded their territories. And just this past July, a 21-year-old (still an adolescent) opened fire on a July 4^th parade in the Highland Park suburb of Chicago. This is an area with a median annual income of over $150,000 and a median home price of around $500,000 with lots of homes in the million+ category. It’s 25 miles from downtown Chicago. Yet, 37 people were injured that day and 7 died. Mall shootings, drive-bys and random shootings kill people by mistake way too often. School shootings haven’t all happened in inner cities.

And remember, we’re not just talking about gun violence here. Any kid anywhere can be the victim of violence. In episode 34 we talked about cyberbullying – as many as 60% of kids have been victims. In episode 17 we talked about how up to 59% of teens have been exposed to dating violence. All teens and kids are potential victims of some kind of violence. Ask your teenager how many fights they’ve witnessed at school. Ask them how many kids have gotten in trouble for bringing a knife to school or making a threat. Ask them if they’ve ever seen a kid threaten a teacher.

My own son has been threatened at gunpoint 3 times and was choked to the point of passing out by his roommate during a 5-day psychiatric hospital stay. We lived in one of the most affluent areas of Greenville, SC – but that had nothing to do with it.

Even if violence hasn’t impacted you or your child, and you don’t believe it ever will, it impacts other people’s children and it’s something that as human beings, we should be concerned about. This isn’t someone else’s problem. It’s your problem. It’s my problem. Violence breads violence and while it appears to be concentrated in inner cities and impoverished areas, the suburbs are obviously not immune, and anyone can be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Plus, even if violence doesn’t directly impact you or your family, it does trickle down to all of us – whether it’s through increased taxes to pay for more police or jails or the justice system – everyone pays one way or the other. Youth homicides and nonfatal physical assault-related injuries result in at least $100 billion annually in costs, including medical, lost work, and quality and value of life – not including costs to the criminal justice system.

And as one 15-year-old girl from the inner city of Pittsburg said, “Nothing will get done if you don’t take action”…“You can’t just sit back and just watch it all happen. You have to actually step up and do something.”

When you see a headline or listen to the news and learn of the latest violent crime being committed, where does your mind go? Do you get angry? Frustrated? Wonder why people are so evil?

Last week when I was trying to decide today’s topic I just randomly Googled “teenager” and hit the “news” tab. 6 out of the first 10 stories that popped up – were either teens committing violent crimes or being the victim of a violent crime.

“Teen fatally shot in Palmdale after serving time for felony hit and run”

“Teenager in hospital after being shot following fight with family member”

“Texas Club Shooting: Teenager shot in northwest Harris County”

“Chicopee teenager arrested after police seize 4 firearms, including 2 ghost guns in Springfield”

Have you ever thought about why this violence perpetuates and why it does take root in more impoverished areas, inner cities? What’s the first thing that comes to mind? Think about it a minute. Understanding the root problem – and seeing things from another point of view can make a big difference in the way we move forward with this issue as an individual and as a society. If you can put yourself in someone else’s shoes, try to see things from their point of view, understand the issues they face daily -  empathy is the first step in actually making a difference for someone, or a whole family, a neighborhood or even a city.

Here’s what we know – what decades of research tells us – all violence is connected. Bullying, gang violence, dating violence and domestic abuse, child abuse, even suicide – all of it is connected. And victims of violence often become perpetrators of violence. Understanding the overlapping nature of violence and what protects kids and teens from violence is essential if we want to address it as a society or as an individual. And you can actually make a difference just from knowing this. The CDC and the Prevention Institute published a document a few years back that connected all the dots with the research.

You see there are basic risk factors for violence – things that increase the likelihood for violence  - again, both for being a victim and being a perpetrator of violence. There are also protective factors for violence – things that make it less likely people will experience violence or that will actually increase their resilience in the face of violence. And these risk factors and protective factors overlap in many different areas of violence. For example, one societal risk factor for violence is living in a culture that supports aggression against other people. That single risk factor is seen in people who mistreat children, people who are violent with their intimate partners, people who commit sexual violence, teen dating violence and other youth violence.

Neighborhood poverty is a risk factor for suicide, teen violence, sexual violence, intimate partner violence and child maltreatment. Pretty much any risk factor for any type of violence is a risk factor for youth or teen violence.

Specifically, a kid more likely to be a victim or a perpetrator of violence if they’ve already been a victim of any sort of violence – that could even include just witnessing violence, if they use alcohol or drugs, if they’re short of self-control or emotional regulation, or have experienced lots of emotional distress or having been treated for emotional problems.

There are risk factors within the family that make a kid more likely to be a victim or perpetrator of violence. If the parents are more authoritarian – more demanding of strict obedience, insist it’s their way or the highway. Or if the parents use harsh, lax, or inconsistent discipline, if the emotional attachment between parent and child is weak or if there’s insufficient parental monitoring and supervision of the kids. There are also social and peer-based risk factors like hanging out with delinquent peers, or being rejected by peers, not being involved in regular teen activities at school or after school.

And of course, there are community risk factors for teen violence like, one of the biggest cited by the kids themselves - lack of job opportunities and high unemployment, especially when poverty in the community is high and parents don’t have money to spend on the kids or give the kids, they want their own money – sometimes becoming involved in things that lead to violence.

The CDC came out with a report in 2021 based on data from their 2019 national Youth Risk Behavior Survey to determine the prevalence of high school student’s self-reported experiences with specific violence (physical fighting, being threatened with a weapon, physical dating violence, sexual violence, and bullying). Remember these types of violent acts have overlapping risk factors and being a victim of one means you’re more likely to be the victim of another.

What they found from this national survey of mainly large urban school districts of middle and high school kids was that almost half of the kids had experienced at least one type of violence and just over 1 in 7 experienced 2 or more types of violence in the past 12 months before the survey. And for every act of violence they experienced, they became more likely to engage in risky behaviors. Compared to teens who’ve never experienced violence, their statistical analysis showed that teens who’ve had 2 violent experiences to be up to 7 times more likely to engage in certain risky behaviors and teens who’ve had 3 or more violent experiences are up to 21 times more likely to engage in these activities – things like carrying a weapon on school property, carrying a gun, smoking, vaping, drinking, binge drinking, smoking weed, misusing prescriptions pain meds, risky sexual behavior, being overweight, feeling sad or hopeless and having suicidal thoughts.

It’s even been shown that violence can have a negative impact on a teen’s immediate and long-term physical health – it increases their chance of heart disease, developing cancer and other health problems later in life.

Now, they didn’t look at other types of violence – like gangs, bullying behavior regarding a teen’s gender or sexuality, witnessing violence. These things are also major factors in poor health and wellbeing outcomes for teens. In fact, girls, sexual minorities, and racial and ethnic minorities are likely to face more violence than other kids.

Something that’s a risk factor for all our kids to become involved in things they shouldn’t – is their changing brain. The changes going on in the brain that make it difficult for a kid growing up in the best of circumstances to make good decisions and use self-control are going to make it 10 times harder for kids growing up with these other risk factors. I’ve mentioned several times in previous episodes about how the adolescent brain’s amygdala is super sensitive. The amygdala is the brain’s threat detector – it keeps a watch out for threats in the environment and sends the brain and body into the fight or flight response when it detects a threat.

When this happens – when the amygdala is triggered by a perceived threat, a person feels fear or anger and behaves accordingly – fights, runs, hides, or freezes. But because the amygdala is so sensitive during adolescence, it makes a lot of mistakes and gets triggered over little or nothing. This means that an adolescent is extremely likely to get mad or nervous about something that probably wouldn’t make us mad or nervous.

And what happens is the more the amygdala makes mistakes, and a kid gets upset, the more sensitive it becomes – the more hyper-vigilant a kid becomes - and the more likely it makes more mistakes. This means a kids can be in fight or flight mode constantly – constantly on edge, waiting for the next thing to happen, angry all the time or nervous all the time. These emotions take over their life. Being angry and or afraid becomes their natural state. Imagine that. The stereotype of the angry young man – this is the culprit. The adolescent’s brain coupled with an environment filled with risk factors  - including violence – leads to this overactive amygdala and a constant state of “fight for your life”.

When you hear of these “senseless” assaults or homicides – remember this. If someone sneaks up behind you and screams in your ear, the fight or flight response might either cause you to duck, run, or turn around and swing a punch. If you’re an adolescent with a super sensitive amygdala and it’s already been triggered over and over and over again and you’re hyper aware of everything around you being a potential threat, you probably have a weapon in your pocket because you’re afraid of being attacked at any minute and when you sense a threat (even if it’s not a real threat – you’re gonna feel it is) – and you’re going to automatically use that weapon.

Kids who commit violent acts are kids who’ve been victims, they’re kids who carry weapons because they’re terrified of being victims again, they become perpetrators when their brain senses a threat – even if it’s not “real”. But quite often the threat is real (they’re being assaulted, getting into a physical altercation, or being threatened with a gun). Teens that experience violence on a regular basis, witness it regularly have most likely experienced it since they were a child. So, by adolescence, we just piling on. And these negative experiences  they’re cumulative, every time something happens, the brain’s wiring changes. Kids growing up in and around violence of any kind, are going to be much more likely to experience it over and over as victims and as perpetrators. It’s not a choice they make. It’s not “evil”. It’s evolutionary – it’s the brain’s way of protecting the self.

Think about it just from a practical standpoint. What do you do when you’re afraid – afraid for your physical safety? You might call the police. But what if you don’t trust the police to protect you or the police can’t do anything for you? You try to protect yourself the best way you know how; maybe you barricade yourself in your home. But you can’t stay there forever so when you leave, you might carry a weapon of some kind, right? Maybe a baseball bat or a hammer or a knife, or if you have one, maybe a gun.

Adolescents living in a constant state of alarm, of fight or flight are like ticking time bombs. One false move and they go off. One false move and they fight – they hit, they swing, they stab, they shoot. And kids living in a constate state of alarm literally can’t think – their prefrontal cortex – the part of the brain that controls our executive functions like focusing, problem solving, self-control and making good decisions – it isn’t strong enough to shut that alarm off. So, forget concentrating in school – it’s nearly impossible. Following instructions, sitting still, keeping your hands to yourself, staying quiet, staying in line, waiting your turn, not popping off at the teacher – it’s an almost insurmountable task.

These are the kids failing a class. Disrupting class. Being sent to the office. Skipping school. Getting in fights at school. The “trouble makers”. They might bring a weapon to school because they’re afraid of being jumped. They end up getting detention, being sent to the alternative school, being expelled or just quitting altogether - which means more opportunities for violence, juvenile detention, where more violence is learned, which is why we see so many youths of color go from school to prison.

This is the cycle of violence. The victims and the witnesses of violence become the perpetrators of violence. The more risk factors a kid has for violence, the more violence they experience, and the more likely they’ll be a danger to themselves or perpetrate violence on someone else. And the more they perpetrate violence, the more likely they’ll be a victim of violence. It’s a horrible cycle that we should all be concerned about. Childhood violence, adversity, adverse childhood experiences, trauma and toxic stress are critical issues for society as a whole.

So, we talked about the risk factors for teen violence but what about the protective factors? What are some of the things that naturally protect against teen violence - things that lessen the likelihood that kids will end up as victims or perpetrators of violence. There are protective factors that are found at school – like going to a school with a positive environment, intensive supervision, clear behavior rules, discipline and involvement by parents and teachers, and hanging out with kids at school who behave well.

Protective factors within the family are things like having a strong emotional connection between parent and child – (and actually, studies have shown that a kid just having a strong connection to any adult, like a coach, a friend’s parent, an uncle can be protective). It’s also been shown that regular engagement or activities with family, and a parent modeling how to cope with or solve problems without violence is protective. And something that really struck me was that if a parent can consistently be there for a kid at least one of 4 specific times a day, it can make a big difference: when they get up , get home from school, when they eat dinner or when they go to bed. And you may not think about that because maybe you’re able to be there with your kid all 4 of those times a day. But many families fighting to keep their heads above water, may have a single mother who has to be at her first job before the kids get up in the morning and may have to go to a second job in the early afternoon and may not get home until after dinner. So, just getting in one of those times a day – bedtime – can be protective. It can be so easy for us not to even realize how challenging and quite nearly impossible it is for some families to manage the everyday moments that we take for granted.

Now, if you look at the individual kid, some things that tend to protect – keep them out of the way or make them more resilient to the violence around them or perpetrated on them – are things like having a religious belief, having social and emotional intelligence, a positive attitude towards peers, high IQ, educational aspirations.

Often, just one protective factor can make the difference in a kid’s life. My husband didn’t grow up in the inner city, or in poverty, as a matter of fact he grew up middle class in rural South Carolina. But he was the 4^th of 5 kids – the 4^th boy with a younger sister. By the time he was a tween, his parents had their hands full with his 3 much older brothers. They were a wee bit out of control and had even been violent at times towards my husband – their baby brother.

There was a good bit of upheaval and chaos in his home because of his older brothers. But he was best friends with a kid at school whose family basically adopted him as their own. He went on family outings and vacations, and practically lived at their house. The dad had made millions in business, and he had a big influence on my husband and his trajectory in life. As it turns out, he’s the only one of 5 siblings that went to college. All 3 of his older brothers have passed away. One at 34, one at 58 and one at 62. Having a mentor or a strong adult presence in a kid’s life can make all the difference in the world. Think about that.

What do we do to help stem the tide of youth violence in America? Lots of different strategies and approaches have been studied over the years to determine what works and what doesn’t.

The CDC has reviewed and compiled the research into a Comprehensive Technical Package for the Prevention of Youth Violence. They also footnote some of the approaches that have been shown to be ineffective and I want to start with those because I think so many people are still under the impression these things work – but they do not – as a matter of fact, many are harmful and make things worse.

For example, transferring juveniles to the adult criminal system, boot camp/scared straight type programs and holding kids back in school. I’d add suspensions and expulsions to the list. When we do this, we’re ignoring the root cause and we’re not solving anything. As a matter of fact, we’re creating a system that just keeps punishing kids who’ve been punished their entire lives. We’re proving to them that adults can’t be trusted to help.

But there are several proven strategies with multiple approaches and various programs that have been shown to work. We can help promote family environments that support healthy child development (through home visitation programs, parenting skills and family relationship programs). We can provide quality education early in life (through preschool enrichment programs that engage the whole family). We can strengthen a kid’s skills in areas like communication, problem solving, conflict resolution, empathy, emotional regulation (this can be done by using school-based programs or community and after school programs). We can connect kids to caring adults and planned activities (this could be mentors and after school programs – this is one things teens themselves list as an issue – having places to go after school where they can stay out of trouble). We can help create protective community environments – and this is a biggie – we need to literally go in to the community and change the physical environment, make things look and feel better - enhance the social environment through street outreach and work on changing community norms at the ground level).

Another huge thing is launching intervention programs to help reduce the harm that’s already been done to the kids and prevent future violence. This is a biggie – by the time they’re teens, many will have histories of childhood conduct issues, aggression, already been involved in violence as a victim or perpetrator, been traumatized, have mental health disorders, been in the justice system, had school issues, used drugs. As we just said, the juvenile justice system is just about catching things too late – it does nothing to help kids turn their life around – it’s merely helping to perpetuate the life-long problem many of these kids will have. Kids in these situations need therapeutic treatments to help them process their trauma, their childhood adversity, to learn coping skills and involve the parents in the process.

At the same time, we have to address the risk factors that are still in play in the home and the community. We’re talking about coming at the problem from many different angles including parent training to change things at the family level. (link to tech package). I’m going to link to the CDC’s technical package and other CDC documents in the show notes.

So, what can you, specifically do to help keep your child safe from violence? How can you help in your community?

Let’s start at home with you and your kids.

• Work on teaching your kids to manage their emotions by emotion coaching. This is the best way to help them learn how to calm themselves and regulate themselves when they get angry or upset and help them problem solve. Refer back to episode 6 if you need a refresher. Kids who don’t deal with their anger well are more likely to get into altercations that can end up out of control.
• Show your teen through your own behavior and words that violence, losing control, is never the answer.
• Obviously, but it deserves to be said – if you own a firearm, keep it locked up with the ammunition safely hidden or locked up in a different area. If it’s a combination lock, change the code regularly – if it’s a key lock, hide the key where they’d never find it. I can’t express how important this is. Accidental gun deaths and suicides and even homicides happen all too often when kids have figured out how to get to a locked or hidden gun. And by the way, talk to the parents of your teen’s friends and make sure they do the same.
• Make sure they know to say something to you or another trusted adult when they see violence or warning signs of violence – or warning signs that someone may need help – I’m going to link to the Sandy Hook Promise organization’s warning signs checklist and video and to their no-cost “Say Something” program that teaches middle and high school students to recognize these warning signs.
• Teach them good safety habits – we might tend to do this when they’re little but they need reminders during the teen years as well. Instead of saying “be careful” as they head out the door, tell them exactly how to be careful.
• Tell them always park in a well-lit area close to the store or wherever they’re going, where there will be folks all around when they get back in their car.
• Tell them to always be aware of their surroundings, to walk in groups, to stay in well-lit areas, that if they feel a place is creepy or could be dangerous, to trust their gut and leave.
• The same with people – tell them you’d rather them be rude than too trusting. Never stop for someone on the side of the road, never let someone in the car with them that they don’t know.
• If they’re at a party and random people start showing up that they don’t know, leave immediately or if a fight breaks out, leave immediately.
• Tell them if they witness something violent or something that could quickly escalate to violence, to call the police – not to hesitate for a second – that it’s better to be safe than sorry.
• Tell them if they see a weapon on someone to get away and call the police every single time.
• Make sure they can reach you at all times when they’re out – keep you phone on and on you and tell them that you’ll always be there if they call and you’ll come get them without question
• Make sure they tell you where they are and who they’re going to be with at all times – have the phone numbers for other kids in case you can’t reach them

What can you do in your community to help prevent youth violence? Well, you’ve already taken the first step, which is to understand the causes. The next thing you can do is learn the warning signs with your teen through Sandy Hook Promise.

Now, studies show that good violence prevention programs do work in high-risk areas. And there are student led organizations and things you can take to your child’s school or to the school’s PTA. I’ll give you links to various programs and initiatives and to a list of ideas from Sandy Hook Promise.

What I want you to get out of this episode I think most of all, is empathy – a deeper understanding of why violence happens among kids and teens – and so often in urban, impoverished, communities of color.

I want you to understand that these kids - they can’t help the situation they’re in nor the way their brain has been shaped by their circumstances. They can’t help the risk factors in their lives. They’re not “bad”. They’re not “evil”. They need empathy and interventions rather than being thrown away to the justice system.

The fact is there have been systems in place for many years that have resulted in major inequities - specifically for African Americans. There are many different forms of racism that pile on top of each other to increase the risk of violence. Issues like housing segregation, and concentrated pockets of poverty, disparities in education, healthcare, and infrastructure. These are some of the root causes for many of the other risk factors that lead to youth violence.

And in case you’re wondering how the housing segregation and the inner city versus the suburbs all started – it goes all the way back to FDR’s “New Deal” during the Great Depression. There were two big housing acts that combined, ended up shaping our cities the way they are today. I’ll link to a very informative article in the show notes.

So, making advances towards ending racists practices and going into the community with programs that actually work and help heal, will decrease youth violence.

Speak out against racism. If you can get involved, get involved, even if it’s in a small way. Help start a youth leadership program, volunteer for a community project, bring together a group of kids for tutoring or after school mentoring. Helping one kid can make a difference for an entire family – and for many future families.

Speaking of Teens is the official podcast of neurogility.com, an organization I started to educate other moms and adolescents about emotional intelligence.

Go to neurogility.com/herewego to find all our free parenting guides and e-books to help you learn more about your teen and how to parent them in a way that increases their emotional well-being and keeps them safe.

You can go to neurogility.com/36 for this episode’s show notes and transcript.

Thank you so much for listening - I really appreciate it!

If you found it interesting, helpful, or inspiring in some way, please share it with a another mom.

If you need to reach me, you can email me at acoleman@neurogility.com – I’d really love to hear from you.

And I’ll see you back here next Tuesday!