82% of tenth graders haven't touched marijuana, alcohol, or nicotine in the past month. So why does it feel like ALL teens are using substances? Today I'm breaking down the neuroscience that makes your teen vulnerable—and the 16 science-backed strategies that actually work."

If you’re new here, I’m Ann Coleman, an attorney turned parent educator, and I made many mistakes with my teenage son before turning things around. In this podcast, I teach you science backed strategies that will improve your teen’s behavior.

Understanding why teens are so prone to using substances, necessarily starts with a look at how the adolescent brain works. Their brain goes through some major changes starting at puberty and lasting until their at least in their mid-20s. And these changes make our kids extremely vulnerable to the potential for substance use and even abuse.

When my son was using weed, acting out and getting in trouble during high school, I was perplexed. We’d talked about not using drugs since he was tiny and he seemed completely bought in. He’s extremely intelligent, thoughtful, loving and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what on earth he was thinking. He could surely see all the trouble his use was causing for him and for us. I just didn’t understand why he was being so stubborn and defiant and didn’t care about his own health or our feelings. Turns out, none of that was true.

Once I understood the neuroscience—once I got why his brain was practically wired to be attracted to this stuff—I was able to change not only my approach, but our entire relationship.

So, let me share what I learned, because this knowledge? It's the difference between reacting out of fear and responding with actual strategy.

"But before I get into the neuroscience, I need to tell you something that might surprise you—and that your teen definitely doesn't know.

Just this past December, the 2025 Monitoring the Future Survey from the National Institute on Drug Abuse surveyed more than 1.7 million teenagers in 8th, 10th, and 12th grades. For the fifth year in a row, teen substance use is still at the really low rates we saw during the pandemic in 2021.

Get this: 91% of eighth graders, 82% of tenth graders, and 66% of 12th graders report they abstained from marijuana, alcohol, and nicotine in the past 30 days. Only 16% of 10th graders reported using THC in the past 12 months, and only 41% of 12th graders reported drinking in the past 12 months.

Now, I know what you're thinking: 'Sure, Ann, the statistics say most teens aren't using, but MY teen's friend group definitely is.' I know—I hear you, I get it. As a matter of fact, from where I'm standing, it seems that all teens smoke or drink because I'm often talking to parents of kids who do.

And teens think the same way. Ask most teens to guess what percentage of their peers drink or use drugs, and they'll say things like '80%, definitely' or 'basically everyone.'

When they discover that's just not true—that the majority don't—they're amazed to learn they don't have to feel like a loser for NOT drinking, because most other people aren't drinking either.

Your teen probably has the same misperception. And that misperception? It's one of the biggest factors in whether they decide to try substances or not.

So why, with those odds in their favor, are teens still so vulnerable to substance use? That's where the brain science comes in.

The prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that manages executive functions like managing emotions, using self-control and making good decisions is very weak. That in and of itself is a handicap for teens.

But on top of that there’s the amygdala – the part of the brain associated with unpleasant emotions like fear, anxiety, anger, moodiness and irritability…it’s super sensitive which makes these emotions their go-to.

Even worse, there’s the reward system, which is turbo charged during adolescence. This is a group of several areas of the brain that work together to cause teens to seek out pleasurable experiences (anything new and exciting or adult-like) and once they try it, this system motivates them to do those things over and over.

This reward system is especially amped up when teens are around their friends or peers because another system in the brain causes them to feel like it’s a matter of life and death to be accepted by these folks – to be liked and part of the group. So, they’ll do things around these people that they may never consider doing alone.

When you put all of this together, you have teens, who are led by their emotions, are drawn to risky behavior, despite the consequences, without a lot of capacity for thinking rationally, using self-control or make good decisions.

The first thing to understand here is that none of this is their fault – it’s neurobiology and they can’t do anything about it. They’re not acting this way on purpose. You must have some empathy, compassion and patience for what they’re going through, and understand it well enough to temper your responses so you don’t make things worse (which is really easy to do if you let your emotions take over).

Let me tell you a little more about this reward system so you can understand better and regulate your feelings and response.

The reward system is actually several different areas of the brain which communicate through chemical messages passed from neuron to neuron through synapses (little gaps between the neurons)

The chemical we’re talking about in this case is dopamine. You’ve heard of dopamine. It’s used in other parts of the brain too, but in this case, it’s the chemical that causes us to seek out pleasurable experiences and once we do that “something pleasurable”, it reinforces our need to do it again and again.

There are lots of things that activate the reward system. For teens, particularly, it could be playing soccer, acting in a play, being in the band – things parents would consider a positive rewarding experience.

Or it could be things like eating sugar, watching TikTok videos, playing video games.

And it could also be drinking alcohol, vaping nicotine, smoking weed or using other substances.

The brain doesn’t make a distinction between what we would consider a “positive” reward or a “negative” reward. And all of these things activate the reward system, provide a rewarding or pleasurable experience…which means once we get a “taste” of it, it tells us – “wow – that was great, let’s do that again!”

And in the teen brain, the reward system is turbo charged, meaning everything is even more pleasurable and rewarding than it’s ever been before or ever will be in adulthood after the brain is fully grown. So, anything rewarding is very easily reinforced in their brain, which makes it much harder for them to stop doing it.

This is why it’s so hard to get them to put down their phone, get off the game console, stay at home and away from friends, and possibly do without nicotine, thc or alcohol.

But the other part of this equation is that weak prefrontal cortex that isn’t very helpful when it comes to self-control and making good decisions. So, not only is the amygdala and the reward system super sensitive and all revved up but they have little ability to stop themselves. As some scientists have put it, teens are like a turbo-charged sports car with no brakes.

And here’s the kicker – this programming lasts until at least their mid-20s or beyond.

This programming process is a bit complicated but to put it simply, just before puberty the brain sprouts billions of extra synapses - the connections between brain cells that pass chemical and electrical messages that make it possible for different areas of the brain to communicate and for the brain to communicate with the rest of the body.

Then when puberty starts, the brain starts the slow process of strengthening the synapses it’s using the most and pruning away those it isn’t using.

Think of the teenage brain like a city under construction. The roads that get used the most get paved into highways. The ones nobody uses? They get shut down. That's why if your teen spends hours on TikTok, their brain literally builds highways for that behavior. Same goes for hitting a vape pen.

This is how teens learn, develop habits, and create memories. This is neuroplasticity at its finest.

When you combine this neuroplasticity with the over-active reward system, remembering that the brain makes no distinction between what we would consider a “positive” activity or a “negative” activity, you have the unfortunate opportunity for teens to develop bad habits, including substance use disorders, all too easily.

This is also why most adult substance abusers actually began their journey of addiction in early adolescence. That’s a scary thought, trust me, I know.

While I don’t want you to panic about your teen’s substance use (because this neuroplasticity works both ways – habits are easier to undo as well) – so no panicking…but also, I want you to understand that ignoring substance use or considering it as a “rite of passage” or that it’s just kids being kids, or attempting to help them learn how to use substances responsibly…none of that is a good idea considering the adolescent reward system. Substance use disorders can come on very quickly and right under your nose.

So, your goal as a parent is to help your kids put off that first sip of alcohol, that first hit of a nicotine or thc for as long as humanly possible – hopefully forever – but at least until they’re in their 20s when their brain is closer to completing the process going on in the prefrontal cortex.

The odds of having a substance use problem as an adult are dramatically reduced the older the person is when they first use that substance, whether it’s alcohol, nicotine, marijuana or something else.

Consider these statistics…41% of people who had their first drink by age 12, develop an alcohol use disorder that stayed with them throughout their life. But only 18% of those who put off that first sip until they’re 18 develop an issue. Even better, if they wait until they’re 21, only 11% develop a problem.

The obvious conclusion is the longer we put off that first sip of alcohol, the less likely our kids will have an alcohol problem…and the same logic follows for other substances.

If we could get our kids to understand this in spite of their reward system, that would be great, but just hearing these statistics probably won't make them decide to forgo substances. It's just not that easy.

Now, if your teen is already using substances, there's something else you need to understand: they have a reason for doing it, and you need to figure out what that reason is.

You already know the brain's role in all of this—the reward system, the neuroplasticity, all of it. But this substance is rewarding to your teen in some specific way. What "reward" are they getting from it exactly? What is it doing for them? That's what you have to figure out to know how to help them stop.

Understanding their why is your best bet for helping them quit.

"I'll give you a real example from a mom I worked with last year. Her daughter, we'll call her Sarah, started smoking weed regularly at 16. The mom was baffled—Sarah was a good student, had nice friends, seemed happy. What could she possibly need marijuana for?

Turns out, Sarah had been dealing with crippling insomnia since her parents' divorce a year earlier. She'd lie awake until 2 or 3 AM, mind racing, replaying arguments, worrying about which house she'd be at that weekend. She never told anyone because she didn't want to add to her parents' stress. Then a friend told her weed would help her sleep.

And you know what? It did. For Sarah, this wasn't about rebellion or peer pressure—it was self-medication for a problem no one knew she had. Once her mom understood that, she could actually help. They got Sarah into therapy, worked on the co-parenting situation, and eventually Sarah stopped using because she didn't need it anymore.

That's why understanding your teen's specific 'why' matters so much. You can't solve a problem you don't understand."

Maybe having a sip of alcohol loosens them up and helps with their social anxiety, or maybe it helps them feel more accepted and part of the group. It could help them sleep or makes them less anxious in general or even eases their depression.

They could be using out of boredom, to forget about some deep emotional pain, to feel less lost during a major life transition, or they may simply like the way it makes them feel in the moment.

There’s a REASON they’re using. Understanding their why should be top on your list. You can’t really know what to do or how to help them until you know their reason for using.

We’ll talk more about what to do if you find out your teen is using substances in the next episode, but for right now, what are some of the things you can do to increase the chances that your teen will avoid substances?

#1, Your opinion about and interactions with substances matter more than you think. Teens still consider parents their number one role model. You have to let them know that you don’t want them using substances—period. Discuss the issue with them and set clear rules about it.

And you may not like this, but if you don’t want your teens using substances, don’t use them yourself. It’s a fact that teens with parents who use substances are significantly more likely to use substances themselves.

If you’re going to continue to drink or smoke, or whatever, at the very least, don’t keep these substances in your house. Period. There’s simply no good reason to tempt your teen’s reward system (or their friends who spend time at your house). Their health and safety should outweigh your pleasure right now. When they grow up and leave home-restock that bar or keep your bedside table filled with dab pens – but not now.

If you just refuse to keep substances out of your house, then at least keep them behind lock and key. There may even be liability for you (regarding your kid or others) if you don’t.

Helping your teen abstain from substances starts with your attitude about substances, what you’re modeling for them, giving them access to, and what you’re (perhaps unknowingly) promoting.

But if your relationship is lacking, they’re still at risk for substance use.

This is the connection factor – Now before you roll your eyes at this notion – this is hard scientific fact – not my opinion. When you have a good connection, your teen trusts you, they’ll confide in you and ask you for help if they ever need to be rescued from a situation where others are using drugs or drinking and they want to avoid it. Connecting with them includes elements like empathy and autonomy support, showing an interest in their interests, decreasing negative interactions and increasing the positive, and communicating on an emotional level. You can listen to my series on connection in audio episodes 104, 106, 108, and 110 – again, I’ll give you the links.

Beyond your connection, they have to also feel strong and healthy inside. So, third, let’s look at building their internal armor.

You want to make sure your teen understands that it’s okay to make mistakes, to be human, to struggle, to be angry, or anxious – let them know that they can get through anything together – that you’re a team.

I have to be honest with you—I failed at this initially. When I first learned my son had been smoking weed, I put this enormous pressure on him to be perfect. I'd give him these intense talks about how 'one wrong decision could ruin his life,' thinking I was protecting him.

What I was actually doing was making him terrified to mess up around me. And guess what happens when teens feel like they can't mess up in front of their parents? They hide everything. They don't ask for help when they need it most.

It wasn't until I started being vulnerable with him—telling him about my own struggles, admitting when I screwed up as a parent, showing him that I was just figuring this out too—that he was able to open up with me again.

Now I say things like, 'Look, I messed up, I see that – it happens. You're going to mess up too. That's just being human. But we're in this together, and there's nothing you can't tell me.' What a difference this made…and still makes.

 

And if they’re struggling with their emotions or mental health or need help with a developmental issue or learning problem, reach out for professional help. Kids dealing with undiagnosed and untreated issues like this are more likely to use substances to cope. If something seems off, have them evaluated, or ask if they’d be willing to talk to someone that may be able to help.

Offer them options to help them relieve their stress. See if they’ll join you at the gym or for a run, offer them an app like Calm or UCLA Mindful.

Model healthy coping mechanisms and stress-relief techniques for them. Learn to journal, take up mindfulness meditation, go on long walks. Make sure they see you taking care of your own mental and physical health, and making healthy choices. It’s always better to show rather than tell them how to stay healthy.

Help them feel secure in their personal values and what they stand for. Talk to them about your values and your family values and help them figure out what they value as an individual, and how they want people to see them. Strong values can help them find the strength to avoid substances.

Help them find success in something – sports, the arts, a hobby of some kind – something they can be passionate about and spend their time doing. Feeling confident and successful in something can go a long way in feeling secure enough to do what they feel is right for them and it can just keep them busy enough that they have no time for drinking or drugs.

Then 4th, there’s the practical stuff –

Friendships have a huge impact on substance use. So, provide as much guidance as you can about what being a good friend looks like. Explaining that good friends like and accept you for who you are, not for going along with someone else is doing.

Help them with refusal skills – teach them how to get out of situations where there are drugs or drinking going on, while still saving face with friends. I talked about this in my audio episode 114 on vaping but it applies to all substances. I’ll link it in the description and show notes.

Be the house where your teen and their friends congregate. Encourage this so you can get to know the other kids, be there to keep an eye out and know your teen is safe.

Get to know those other parents as well. If your teen is hanging out at other people’s homes, you want to know their rules about supervision, substances, whether they keep alcohol or other substances in the home, and if they do are they locked up or readily accessible.

Learn what healthy parental monitoring looks like. Snooping without a prior agreement, is not the best way to go (listen to audio episode 84 for more on your teen’s privacy). I’ll have the link for you.

"To wrap this up, let me bring you back to where we started: 82% of tenth graders haven't touched marijuana, alcohol, or nicotine in the past month. Now you know WHY the other 18% are vulnerable—it's not defiance, it's neurobiology. And more importantly, you now have science-backed strategies to help your teen be part of that 82%.

Your teen's brain makes them prone to trying substances, yes. But this is not a rite of passage and it's not inevitable. You play a huge role in helping them navigate these years successfully. Go back over this list and have faith that you can do this." Now, next week, I'm walking you through exactly what to do if you discover your teen IS using—step by step, no panic required. You won't want to miss it. "That’s it for today, thank you so much for being here and I’ll see you next time.