Ann

Years ago, when we were struggling to parent our teenage son who was dealing with the worst that adolescence has to offer, I didn’t personally know anyone else traveling the same road.

And that only magnified the pain and the desperation. Sure, we had support from mental health professionals. But for the most part those folks had never experienced what we were going through so they could only connect with us superficially.

There’s something so comforting about being able to share your story and your challenges with another parent who truly gets it. Parents who don’t judge or criticize and may actually even be able to give you some hope for the future.

Today’s guest figured this out when she was in the thick of it with her son and now provides a platform for parents—like you.

Casie Fariello and her husband guided 3 adolescents through various mental health and neurodevelopment issues.

Stick around to hear some of the important lessons she learned during those rocky years and how she turned their painful journey into a one-of-a-kind international parenting support platform called, Other Parents Like Me.

PODCAST INTRO

Ann Coleman

I asked Casie Fariello to start out by sharing the issues she, her husband, and their kids dealt with as a family.

 

Casie Fariello

Okay. So my journey started for when my kids were born. I have three kids. They're now 24, 23 and 21. And my oldest was born with severe anxiety. And let me just tell you that was not in any book. There was it was not in what to expect when you're expecting like it wasn't anywhere there. And she would just cry for like two hours from five to seven for her first nine months of her life. What the doctor explained to me is because her body, all the input to her body just was too much for her. And she's still navigating it, even at 24. And as she's getting older, and I think going through COVID, there's social anxiety that's kind of added in there.

 

her teen years was a really big struggle. But she turned to horses and that was helpful for her because they're so loving. And I tell you about her because I want you to know about her so you can understand my middle child. So my middle child was born with ADHD, which I didn't know and I just thought he was a boy, back then that's what I thought.

He broke like a foot and jumping off of things. He was climbing out of the crib at nine months old. Yeah, so he was a wild child and he had explosive emotions. So we started doing just like we did with my oldest therapies, got him involved in like some testing, found out, yes, ADHD. Very, very smart, like on the charts of genius, because they test that too which is really hard when you have both those brains going.

But he would get very explosive emotions. And we were taught by an occupational therapist to wrap them in a taco. Well, let's forward him to 19. And my son confessed that actually that was a trauma point for him. For him, that was a time where he felt that he wasn't allowed emotions in the house. And if he had emotions, he was suffocated. So that was a hard lesson to learn. And so he in eighth grade discovered substances and all that nothingness and stuff fell away from him. But I'll stop there for him and just tell you about my third for a second. And then we'll go back because I think it's important. I have heard so much about insurance lately and people trying to find paths through insurance. I would love to share my insurance story.

So my youngest having two very emotionally active older siblings is something called a glass child. I don't know if you've heard of a glass child, but you know, easy, never a problem, never yells, no, like just one of those. And to you as a parent, like I don't have to worry about him. Well, I, yes.

I now know that I need, and we tried to give a lot, but still when you have a lot going on, no matter how much you try to give to that child who is the easygoing one, it's hard. And when the two really started to struggle in their teen years, he started cutting. He's in full recovery from cutting.

And I will tell you when I'm going to tell you all this story. My oldest has graduated from college and is figuring out next steps, which apparently every 24 year old is doing. It's such a different world. Like we knew, right, what we were doing when we got out. But then my middle, he's now a personal trainer. He's living in Austin and he loved it. Like he's got frat, like he's just really thriving. So. Just so you know, that's where he is when I tell the story.

And my youngest is a senior artist, amazing, nervous about the next task, just like anyone, but doing really well and is in full recovery from cutting like full. yes.

 

Ann Coleman

Yay. Senior in college, is that right?

 

Casie Fariello

Yeah, yes,

 

Ann Coleman

Wow, all three are thriving now. So that's the happy ending. Thank God. Yes. Absolutely.

 

Casie Fariello

Yes, yes, I just want to put the happy ending there before I hear my older son. You're very particular when you're a flight attendant of protecting your job. And my middle child, we found cocaine in this bag. And we were like, like.

 

Ann Coleman

Lord. After you were there, like on the airline, on the airplane?

 

Casie Fariello

Yeah, yeah, yeah, when we got there when no he found it he got it in Paris and Yes, thank you snapchat. and yeah, I know But He all I could think of was being a flight attendant going you were gonna try to fly through Charles to go Airport like the worst airport on the planet for this kind of stuff and you're 16 and what's gonna happen, but anyway, so then

 

Ann Coleman

my lord.

 

 

Casie Fariello

Yeah that really opened our eyes. My son had lost 30 days of school in his sophomore year and we didn't know, I thought he was sick a lot. So in case anyone does not know this, when a child continues or anyone tries to withdraw, they get fevers. I didn't, thought he was actually sick because he would like seem like he had the flu and he would be down for like a week at a time.

So yeah, and it was my oldest who said, no, he's an addict. Which I don't call my son that, you know, he was 16, but you know, and he still would not call him that today. you know, he was, it was using it to as a coping mechanism, not as a, it's not the same anyway. No, it was not, it was trying stuff. was, no, it was weed. His drug of choice was weed and then adding things in. Like, let's try Bennezo, let's try with this. Like, what does cocaine, like, so he didn't even try it, which is good, because I don't know if that would have changed his trajectory. I think we found it before he tried it. And, you know, let's try Benzo's. Like, he would try to mix things with the weed to like, you know, Sam's enhanced the high.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, that's what we did. Yeah.

Right. that's good.

Yep.

Yeah, enhance it. I know it very well. Yeah, that's exactly what mine did. Yeah. Weed plus. Mm-hmm.

 

Casie Fariello

Weed plus, there you go, right, right, boom, yeah.

So we went into how are we gonna handle this? And I was that parent who put a spy app on his phone. Now this was 2018, so of course it's not the technology it was today and it slowed his phone down so we never really got it. But we got enough information to know it was worse than we thought.

So we went to an IOP, is an individual outpatient program where you go, your child goes three hours a day, can go after school, but this was a summer. So they went during the day and it's three hours a day, nine hours a week. And that was what insurance paid for. So that's why we went there. And yes, we did learn some starts, some good things because we had one, it was the first time of my experience of having peer support.

So, but it was led by a clinician, which is different. So it's not really peer support, it's led by clinicians. And this whole room with the kids and the parents and parents with older parents with younger, just hearing everybody else, you know, talk about whatever the therapist brought up that day was huge.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that was the first time you've experienced that.

 

Ann Coleman

So the first time you'd ever had like other parents in the room saying, yeah, we've been through this was when you went to that IOP.

 

Casie Fariello

Yes. Yes, and I'll tell you right then that's when you're like. Yeah, my gosh, 100%. And I will tell you that I have guilt because one of the sub teachers way back when, when my son was in first grade was having a child like mine, like posting on Facebook looking for him. He was in really bad, you know, a state of mind. He was using all sorts of drugs. Like he would, you know, DUIs, all that stuff.

And I as a parent then, because I have little kids, I had judgment.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, of course, of course we all do.

 

Casie Fariello

And then until you've gone through it, well, and I'm hoping everybody take away today, the parents who are struggling with this, it is really hard and they are not doing things to make this happen.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, and their kids are not bad kids. That's the thing that, yeah, because you feel like everyone in the world thinks your kid is horrible and that you've done a horrible job as a parent. And yeah, people don't understand until you've been there, you don't get it, that you just cannot judge what's going on. Kids struggle for different reasons. And yeah, it's not a reflection on the parents.

 

Casie Fariello (12:41)

and their kids are not, not a reflection on the parents. And the other thing is, if you are listening to this, because you how do you help to learn how to help that friend? Do not give advice.

 

Ann Coleman

Please.

 

Casie Fariello

They've already thought of all the things that you can think of and most likely have tried it. And just validate how hard this is. And you know what? Think of them as a cancer, a mom with a kid with cancer and bring them food.

 

Ann Coleman

Right. Yeah, exactly. Well, and you know, another thing too is don't say, because actually have a friend who has a child struggling with anxiety, an 11-year-old. And her cousin the other day said, well just bring him to my house. I'll take care of that. He just needs to toughen up. Yeah. So please don't.

 

Casie Fariello

yeah, I've heard that about,

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, please don't tell other parents that, just bring it to my house. That wouldn't happen at my house. Or, you know, that wouldn't be my kid. My kid wouldn't do that. I mean, did you not hear that a few times? I know I...

 

Casie Fariello

yes, if I did that, yeah. Well, and having a severe anxiety child and a social anxiety child on top of that, was just, just make them go. It's like, no, there's a process to get them to go.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

Right, right. You don't quite, well, and you had your older was the anxious one and then your middle was the ADHD. Mine was all rolled up together and was anxious from birth. So I know we're kind of jumping around, but I do want to, and I want to get back to that. I do want to talk about that anxious from birth thing too. So, but please tell me, so you, when you discovered, you know, this was really bad and yeah, he's having withdrawals, he's really into this, you know, all these different things, we're going to the IOP. I've, you know, now realized that there are other parents that, you know, have this situation, thank God, or thank God, I guess, in that I don't feel alone anymore and I don't feel like, you know, we're the only ones out there dealing with this. And then, so did he, did that IOP kind of help his trajectory a little bit or were there bumps in the road?

 

Casie Fariello

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. my gosh, yeah, wouldn't that be nice?

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, wouldn't it?

 

Casie Fariello

By the way, everybody, I'm, so I totally own this. I was also the parent who thought the IOP, we were gonna be done in six weeks and that was it, we were done. No, as time went on, he was doing other behaviors and he started doing weed like openly in the house, with his sister calling us and I was flying and my husband was at a board event meeting and like,

You need to come here like the whole house. So we sent him to a short term residential program that he went with willingly, no problem. And up in Connecticut. And he graduated 45 days. Like he did so well. man, did he work the system. And of course we still had the spy app on his phone.

And as we're driving away, he's texting his drug dealer and his friends. Yeah. So we're like, okay. By the way, we've already had a runaway because of him finding out that we were texting. was, and one of the other things I always say is don't hide it. Put it out there. We put it on Instagram. The people who will help you is actually your kid's friends. They will help you find him.

 

Ann Coleman

Okay, yeah, yeah. We had that a couple of times, not overnight, but just like where that, well, yeah, I think we did have it once overnight. You forget, I've kind of buried some of these things in the back of my mind, but yeah, so that's smart. So yeah, do let people know what's going on.

 

Casie Fariello

Mm-hmm. Do let people know that you're just, you're looking for him. You don't need to say why, you're just saying, you know, my son's run away and we're very worried about him. And he came, so he came back, we tried school. He had to go to he had to go to PHP and all these are the same places. So InCertis is helping us in paying for this the whole way. I'll let you know, partial hospitalization plan.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah. Yeah. And what does PHP say that what that is? Okay. Yep.

 

Casie Fariello (17:28)

So that's six hours a day. So you don't go to school, whereas an IOP can be done after school. And in fact, the one bias would come and pick him up at school and take him. But he only made it to like six days of his junior year. That's it. He was his running away - we did four times of running away. He at like a week into the partial hospitalization, we just knew something was off and he seemed very, very depressed. And we felt, he said some things that indicated to us that he might be suicidal. So we took him to a, know, you're doing all the things insurance says, insurance says you have to go to get a psych exam. And we're like sitting in the psych exam and he, know, separate, right? You do the kids, you do the kid that mom and dad do theirs and then the kid goes in and we're like, don't listen to him.

He is charming and he will make you think that he has got this under control and he is good and know he's fine. And that night, they, so they sent us home and that night my son tried to drink himself to death.

 

Ann Coleman

My God, you went for the psych eval. Now, are you talking about at the hospital or are you talking about with a psychologist? An independent?

 

Casie Fariello

No, no, in New Jersey,

 

there's psych independent psych assessment places that the place that the PHP sent him said we could go to.

 

Ann Coleman

Okay. Okay, okay.

 

Casie Fariello

So yeah, so we do. I then helped him clean up. And he told me he would try to kill himself because of me was awful. But we went I was like, let's just still go to the PHP. And he was so angry. The whole drive, like he was willing to go and he said, you cannot come in. You will not be talking to them. Cause he knew, he knew what I was going to say. Like he just tried to attempt suicide and they called the psych people back in. They did another psych assessment. He went to a seven day cycle and he stopped talking to us cause he was just so angry. And so we're like, okay. And we, went to find another short-term residential place, like thinking this is going to be the next fix. And he said, I want to be transported because I was not transported last time because he was 16. And I want to have, I need to have that street cred.

 

Ann Coleman

Oh, he wanted to be gooned. Okay, that's what they call it. for, yeah, if you don't know what he's talking about, if you don't know what place he's talking about, that means having someone come to your house in the middle of the night or early in the morning and take you usually unwillingly to the residential treatment center. So he wanted to be taken. So when he got there, could say, I was gooned here. Wow.

 

Casie Fariello

Yes. He wanted, he had, they, yeah, so he was picked up at the clinic and taken to the same place and he lasted 28 days. He ran away from there. He made sure, like he, he sorted medication there and insurance at that point now said, we're done. That's why he made it only 28 days. They said, you need to take him out and we have no idea what to do with him.

So I'm sharing that part because you're like, holy cow, like, what do you mean you don't know what to do with him? And I didn't share that during this whole time we had social services involved. They were amazing for my youngest because my oldest was at college at that time. They were amazing for my youngest and they

They had therapists come to the house and take him out and do like some things with just him so that he had his own space, like amazing. And, but they also were like trying to convince him to like, what can we do to help you stay in treatment? What can we, cause you know, what can we do? And school, we were in communication with school the whole time. And school, when he was kicked out, social services,

For those, we had two weeks of my son. had two weeks where my son was sitting on the couch only watching TV. By the way, and I'm sure you know this, which we were dumb. He had figured out how to break into where we had hidden things in all sorts of locks. He'd broken through all the locks of anything that was hidden.

Anyway, so that did work. He, social services was like, we'll just put him in a boys home. And I was like, what are you talking about? Like, how is that gonna help? And school was like, unless you can preach his faith, he can't come here. So my son was literally dropped off the face of the earth.

By all the people who are supposed to help us. Well, William, my husband and I didn't give up and we're like not sure what to do. Like we were, that was two weeks were awful. Like we didn't know what to do. And my oldest was coming home. That's why I tell you her story because she was, and I had to refill her Klonopin and basically lived in prison. I'm sure you remember that. Like I was like, yeah. And my husband couldn't even go to work because if he left, my son would attack me like flip tables and stuff, right? Yes. So I put it down on the table, went upstairs, the Clonopin, went, like literally to me, it felt like two seconds, but I came downstairs, I picked up the bottle and went, it's fine. My son had already changed it with Aleve.

 

Ann Coleman

Right, right. I used to beg my husband not to leave the house, yeah. So he had the Clonopin.

 

Casie Fariello

And he overdosed that night. And again, another phone call to police and all the things. You get police and ambulance and EMTs and paramedics and they took him to our local hospital where I watched my son's blood pressure drop to 10 and they didn't even tell us what was going on. They're like, okay, so we're gonna transfer him.

 

Ann Coleman

Wow. my god-and you had no idea why.

 

Casie Fariello (24:38)

Yeah, so he got a ride on the helicopter and my husband and I drove to a bigger hospital because we're a local hospital and he lost five days of his life that he doesn't remember.

And that's when we had to do a go fund me because my husband, we have not given up on our child. And then he went on to do you know residential and stuff, but what i'll tell I want to tell you that is that because of that. Insurance gave him two-year single case agreement. I know two years.

 

Ann Coleman

Wait, so because he tried to take his life, they...

 

Casie Fariello

No, because we did all the things that insurance told us we had to do first before they said we're done when we that gave us freedom to go pick a place. And they covered like all of the therapies at his nature-based therapy and his therapeutic school.

 

Ann Coleman

first. Yeah.

Wow. Now I know too that it does, I mean, it's so differs between insurance and the type of insurance and the insurance, you know, the company, because you can fight forever sometimes and not get, you know, what you're supposed to have. But did they tell you at the point where they were like, we're done? Did they say anything like, okay, now by the way, if he, needs to go again, we're gonna pay for everything for two years? They didn't tell you that upfront. Wow.

 

Casie Fariello

No, no, was research, just research for me, learning and understanding, you know, because we had out of network benefits, but that's nothing. But being able to be in network with a single case agreement was huge, absolutely huge.

 

Ann Coleman

So that means that when you're, explain that, Casie, because I think I understand what that means, but I don't wanna misspeak here.

 

Casie Fariello

So you basically are writing a letter to them. We had a caseworker at the insurance company by that point, who went through the whole process with us. Basically what you're saying is, you have decided that you do not know what is the best place for our son. Here is, we would like a single case agreement so that this placement will be in network. instead of, you know, like there's a lot of the new insurance we have has no out of network benefits. So you'd only be able to do this through a single case agreement, but a single case agreement acts as if that out of network place is a place that's approved.

 

Ann Coleman

So it kind of acts like it's in network. Right. So I think that's the same thing that we experienced when maybe we had like Blue Cross Blue Shield of South Carolina. And so this place we wanted to go was in California. They accepted Blue Cross Blue Shield, but not Blue Cross Blue Shield of South Carolina. But we had a single case agreement where they said, yep, we'll take it because it's, yeah. So that's something that I think a lot of people don't understand that just because it's in another state does not mean that your insurance won't cover it. Just because they're out of network as far as your state goes does not mean that they won't cover it. So yeah, that's a very, that's a big deal.

 

Casie Fariello

Right. That's a big deal.

 

Ann Coleman

And then the fact that wilderness, so for people who don't know, wilderness, the part where you go and you pay for being at wilderness, is not paid for by insurance. It is never covered by insurance, but the therapeutic part of what they give your child at wilderness is covered. So the therapies and some of the therapeutic, the group therapy and the individual therapy and all that is covered. So what you have to cover at a wilderness place is sometimes like what, two, three, four, $5,000 a week depending on the place.

 

Casie Fariello

Mm-hmm, right.

 

Ann Coleman

And that is also I'm finding now because I've checked into residential treatment centers recently that some of the residential treatment centers even, I think, maybe I'm wrong, but I think it used to be more the residential treatment centers would cover, mean, insurance would cover both staying there and housing, whatever they call it, and the therapeutic part. It was all combined, but I'm finding now that a lot of residential treatment centers are separating it where insurance only covers the therapeutic part and they're billing you individually three, four, $5,000 a week for the other part. So it's really a lot like wilderness. So be sure when you're checking on these places for your child that you ask, what part does insurance cover and what part am I responsible for? Because there are plenty of places that do take insurance for the whole thing.

 

And then you're only going to be a lot of the times responsible for whatever you're at, you're, know, hot, the top end of your out of pocket, expenses are, which God, it is so confusing. I mean, you almost have to have a degree in insurance to understand this stuff, but most of the people where you're looking at, know, the residential or the wilderness, they will help you. They understand it and they will explain it. Right. So is that what you found?

 

Casie Fariello

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's what I found. one of the things that I wish during that whole time before we got to the point where we, I mean, basically were forced our hand to do something would be, I wish that there had been better support and maybe trainings for me or a way that someone could have come into the house to help us navigate, maybe take the temperature down. Because, I mean, we were just lack of sleep, all that stuff, and our amygdala's were on fire. Our son's amygdala's on fire. The sibling's amygdala's on fire. You can't even concentrate at all. And you need a lot of support. And I think that the world is changing, that there's more places that will actually like, come in and like, you know, like, is it? was that? Was that Super Nanny? Where they all come in and help you and yeah, you know, parent coach you how to do this and, you know, take the kid off and start to like learn from them and get them community supports and

 

Ann Coleman

Yes, yes. Wouldn't that be nice? Yes. Right.

 

Casie Fariello

I mean, I just believe there's...There's got to be a world where it's, it's, you don't maybe possibly the last resort is a last, last, last, last resort. Cause none of us want to send our kids away. We want them home doing this.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, exactly. Right. Right. It's desperation. I mean, when you get to that point of desperation where you don't know what else to do and everyone else has thrown up their hands, I mean, that's where we got, you know, all the professionals around you who are supposed to know what to do and how to fix this, don't know what else to do and they just throw up their hands and then you're left sitting there trying to decide what next. So yeah, it would be so nice if there were people who would come in to the home and help you navigate that stuff. I mean, I don't know, maybe for $100,000 or two, you might find someone that would do that.

 

Casie Fariello

Yeah, right, right. Great.

 

Ann Coleman

But yeah, it's really, really difficult. So, I think that was your thinking. When all the dust had settled and your kids were better, then you started, I'm guessing, thinking about this and how can I help support because you knew what you went through. mean, same for me. You know, when you know what other parents are going through and you know where you've been and you feel like you can help, you feel like I've got to do something here. I've got to do something. So I know that's where you were. So what did you decide to do, Casey? Tell me about that.

 

Casie Fariello

Well, like I said, one of the things that changed that started to change my perspective was first at the IOP with a group and I was suggested to go to Al-Anon and I did for a year I did and I did the whole entire 12 steps. It taught me self-care and I was sitting in a room, you know, not everybody has this was before COVID. So there was not really a lot of Zoom stuff.

So I had one group to go to. I was sitting there with people whose parents had died 10 years ago, someone's partner and I was, or the kid was 40. So in case anyone doesn't know what Al-Anon is, Al-Anon is a 12 step program that is alongside of the AA, Alcoholics Anonymous, where you as a loved one get support and kind of learn your 12 steps.

And I also didn't really love the like codependency part. I didn't really love the higher power stuff. And I didn't really love that I was the only one with a 16-year-old in there. And so, and I also like, he's not just, it's not just substance use, right? There's ADHD, there's early childhood trauma, which I shared there's…my oldest has severe anxiety, my youngest has social anxiety. There's so many layers going on. And I could go to NAMI, don't know if it's the National Alliance of Mental Illness, but we had only one group locally. It's kind of teaching the basics. So it's a more educational and some support in there. And I started working for the partnerships and addiction and I learned another path, another way to run a group that is much more general. And I was like, this is what I'm looking for, where anyone can come with all their stuff. I have an eating disorder kid, I have a substance use kid, I have a self-harm kid, I have a suicide.

You know, I have all like all these things and I'm sorry, I'm not using person first, but everybody understand I mean person first. That I have, I have feelings, my kid has depression, anxiety, you know, I want to come and be able to talk about all of it, but I want to come and learn for me, not for my kid. So we, I created other parents like we with my business partner, Liz. We started it in 2020 at my son's boarding school and realized like in it went from 14 families to 350, one group to eight in like six months. And we were like, this needs to be everywhere. So we start with a meditation. So you get a little self care. And then we have a topic anywhere from a Ted Lasso video to an inside out video to a poem from Young Pueblo, if anybody hasn't read Young Pueblo, he's in recovery. His stuff is amazing. In recovery for multiple things. And, or, you know, psychology today, something that just gets people talking. And you get so much stronger being with other peers, led by peers with lived experience. And you talk about the topic and you start to stand taller and see things that, I did that or someone else says I did something you're afraid to share in your marriage and family therapy or your family therapy. You've heard someone else say and you feel that it's okay now for you to share and you know, hey, I was not a regulated mom for many, many years.

 

Ann Coleman

Right there with you, sister. Neither was I. It's a thing. You have to learn that. It is not automatic. It's not automatic. So you started kind of small then with just at the boarding school and then you grew nationally and now other parents like me is a national support group. Is that what you would say? What would you call it?

 

Casie Fariello

Yes, correct, correct. So we, yeah, we're actually global. We're in 11 countries as well. So, but it's all on line. We offer 17 peer support groups a week. We have adoptive families, two men's groups, which is well attended, women's gratitude, self-compassion, solo moms, a book club. I just took my kids to the ER club. Yeah.

 

Ann Coleman

yeah, yeah.

wow, yeah. My God. It's incredible.

 

Casie Fariello

You know, I, yeah, we have lots of stuff, lots of stuff for people.

 

Ann Coleman

I mean, that's incredible because that is the thing that what I found was I felt so alone and so desperate and so hopeless wanting to know, you know, is this going to end? Are there other people going through it? You know, what have I done wrong? You know, there's all the guilt and the shame and the embarrassment you know, of it. And we don't talk about those things enough. you know, it's like, I just posted something the other day about, I think I did a podcast on this, but, other parents, they talk about when you have a colicky baby, or you have a toddler who's throwing tantrums, know, parents do tend to talk to each other about those things. It's more universal. And it's not, it's very, it's non-judgmental for some reason at that point, when they're at that age.

But as they get older and you go through the teen years, for some reason, I don't know if it's maybe, it may be multifaceted. I mean, we're concerned about our kids' privacy maybe, so we don't want to talk about it with other parents. Or, you know, we're concerned they're going to get a reputation. We don't want, you know, all this stuff to get out like everybody doesn't already know. And, you know, so there are, and the competition and social media, people showing how perfect their family is all the time. You feel like you're the one with the least perfect family. it's so hard to share with friends who don't seem to be going through those things because you just, you don't want to tell them. You just don't want to talk about it. And so, I mean, I think having this venue, having this ability to go in and talk to other parents like me is so freaking important. I mean, it is just, and I know you get wonderful feedback from it and people love it and stay forever and talk. So, you've been doing it since 2020, is that right?

 

Casie Fariello

So 2022 is when we officially launched for other parents like me. And then the other thing, and I'm sure you experienced this, the other thing that I always wanted was to be able to talk to an expert without feeling like I have to pay for it.

 

Ann

Yes, yes, Lord, wouldn't that be nice? Yeah, so they can do that, huh?

 

Casie Fariello

Yes. Yeah, so on Thursday nights, we have speaker talks and the experts come and they share and be on the podcast, you get to ask questions. And that's live and free for anyone. So you don't have to be a member to do that because that we don't my partner and I don't want that to be a barrier for people to come and learn.

 

Ann Coleman

wow. Yeah, that's wonderful.

 

Casie Fariello

And then you know, we hope that you cross over and go watch the speaker recordings from the past. And we hope that you cross over and go to the support groups and that has a nominal cost. So, yeah.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah. Well, so tell me about that so you can join for free. And what so what do get for free then?

 

Casie Fariello

You get the resources. We have a large resource hub and support directories. And you get to watch the live speaker talks.

 

Ann Coleman

yeah, which is wonderful. Yeah, yeah, that's amazing.

 

Casie Fariello

And then it's $49 a month for you to attend all 17 support groups, which is less than Al-Anon, like less than 60 cents. And we have 150 speaker recordings. So can go and watch all of those as a member. But we keep that behind the paywall because people do come from all walks of life and they share and ask questions that frankly that should be protected. If you've came to the life thing and you learned that's different, but yeah.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. That's fantastic, my gosh. Well, Casey, that, I mean, that is such a valuable thing to offer to people that, you know, especially if there are parents coming who have, like, I know we have, you know, different kind of a hierarchy of where we are with the struggles with our kids. So, you know, people who are coming in who are just at the beginning stages of struggling,

And then parents who've been going through it for a little while, I know there's so much wisdom that they can offer. And kind of a little bit of hand holding probably, and then just meeting people that you might be able to talk with even offline. it's just such a valuable thing. And I'm so, so thankful there's something out there like that for parents because man, it would have been nice back in, because we were going through this at about the same time. I was going through it in 2017 and 2018. And yeah, if I, there had been something like that, it would have, I think it would have saved my sanity because yeah, I had no sanity. I'm sure you didn't either. You know, we, we don't when we're going through that stuff. um, okay. So in closing, is there anything else that you can think of that you want to, that you want to share with parents or kind of and also tell them where they can find other parents like me and all your places where you are.

 

Casie Fariello

Thank you. So one of the things that I'll also share is our peer parents, that's what we call our facilitators, that are with lived experience. They are trained, they're trained through the Smart Recovery Facilitator Handbook. And they're trained every other month. We just learned about suicide, we just learned about anxiety and depression. So even if they don't have all the lived experience of what someone brings to the table, they have knowledge so they can know how to support you.

And we offer a mentorship. So our peer parents will take newcomers and mentor them for a bit and show them how to walk through the website and go through the newcomers meeting on Monday nights at 7 p.m. is a helpful way to kind of get another way to walk through the website and just kind of walk alongside you while you're still in the beginning of that struggle is huge. So that's something that all these things that I wish I had.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah. Wow. Yes, God, you all have got it figured out. I mean, that is incredible. It really is incredible. the meetings, I think you said, I mean, they take place all the time. There are different times of days and nights and people can always find something that they can jump in there and do and get support with. And I know, you know, we get emails and, you know, meditations. And I think that's a big part of it too, is the self-care and making sure that you're not just you know, solely on your child, but you know, you have to put the oxygen mask on first, as they say, and you know, we have to be, we have to be okay so that we can make sure that our kid is okay. So, and this is a big part of it, right?

 

Casie Fariello

Yeah. Yeah, it's a big part. And one of the things I would share is that my son felt such shame while he was going through all of this, because he's told me as he's gotten older now that he was so afraid that he was breaking me. And I was breaking. I just didn't know that I was breaking. And it was so hard for him to see that.

And so now when he's having a hard time, he knows he can turn to me because I'm stronger.

 

Ann Coleman

Yeah. Yeah. Man, I tell you what, there is nothing I don't think that could break us. there? mean, going through stuff like this and especially you with three, with three, I mean, I can't imagine that you could be broken. So, I mean, it is incredible what you can go through, what you can get through when you really don't think you're that strong. I mean, I had no idea that I could get through anything like this. So yeah.

 

Ann Coleman

Yep, we can get through it and come out the other side. And I'm so happy that all three of your kids are doing well and that they are thriving in life. I mean, don't you feel accomplished? And you're helping other parents. I mean, it's such a great place to be. And I'm so happy for you. And guys, I'll have all of the links and everything in the show notes for you to reach out to Casey and find other parents like me. And I hope you do that.

 

Casie Fariello

I do. Thanks.

 

Ann Coleman

And thank you, Casey, so much for being here.

 

Casie Fariello

Thank you for having me.

 

Ann Coleman

Other Parents Like Me is such a unique place for parents with adolescents navigating life with mental health challenges (which may have led to a multitude of other issues).

If you’re going through it with your child, there are other parents going through it as well, and many of them are waiting to welcome you with open arms, give you a big virtual hug, and provide some much-needed hope and guidance.

You can find Other Parents Like Me at OPLM.com – and again, I’ll have the link in the show notes.

That’s it for Speaking of Teens today, I want to thank Casie Fariello for being here and sharing her story and letting you know about the wonderful platform she and her partner have built for you. And thank you for being here with me and for helping me share this kind of valuable information with other parents…like you.

Until next time, remember to connect with your teen, in at least some small way, each and every day.