Maybe you’re new here to the podcast - or maybe you’ve been around since the beginning, but either way, you’ve likely heard me say (at least a few times) that I’m an attorney turned parent educator. What does that even mean?

Well, I was an attorney for many years (technically still am) and I hope you’ll agree that I do educate you here on the podcast.

But more than that, I want you understand that the reason I’m so driven to help you is because I wish I’d known all of this earlier. I wish someone had educated me – explained to me I was going about things all wrong to get the results I wanted with my teenage son.

That’s why I don’t mince words around here. I’ve lived through the worst of what parenting an adolescent has to offer….completely lost in the weeds…and it sucked. I truly don’t want that for any other parent – ever. So, if I seem a wee bit overly zealous about what I can do for you, I don’t apologize. I’m trying to save you the pain my family went through.

Let me tell you a little more about why I do what I do outside of the podcast – and what exactly is it that I do anyway? Stay right here – it’s interesting, I promise.

PODCAST INTRODUCTION

What we went through with our then teenage son, happened back in maybe late 2016 through 2018 – it’s a bit of a blur. And if you want the full story, you can listen to episode 10. But in a nutshell, it was ADHD, anxiety, depression, suicidality, drug use, law enforcement, school trouble, lots of mental health professionals who didn’t help, a psychiatric hospital and residential treatment. And I’m almost certain we could have stopped at depression, if I’d known how to parent the way I’m teaching other parents to now.

After changing the way I was parenting and getting out of the weeds with our son, the first thing I thought was – “I’m pretty dang smart, and if I didn’t know all this stuff, I’m sure there are other parents out there making the same mistakes…and I’ve got to help.”

And I’m not sure I’ve ever mentioned this before, but you know what I did? And this was back at the end of 2018 – I started writing a book – for myself.

Well, it didn’t start out that way. I was reading and researching for my own sake and then decided I wanted to help other parents – so I kept reading and researching, making notes, writing down where I’d found that particular information, download the study, read studies noted in that study, read other texts just learn the basic information so that I could understand the study and on and on.

And as I began doing this, I thought – well, if I’m making all these notes and keeping up with where I found it, I might as well do it right. So, I spent over a year and a half writing 3 hella good chapters on the adolescent brain, emotional intelligence as it relates to teens and parents and emotional awareness. 43,559 words with 378 properly written citations.

But wait – I didn’t stop there. I sent the chapter on the brain to a neuroscience professor at Penn State and asked him to review it for me…he did and in that 17,000-word document he found three minor issues that I had to go back and re-write...actually make that two – I proved to him one of them was actually correct.

So, as I was doing all this for a fleeting moment I thought about giving it away to parents but then I realized…no body’s going to be interested in reading the deep science I’ve got here – this is nerdy as hell. I’ve been told it reads like a doctoral dissertation. So, it’s phenomenally educational and possibly life-changing information but nahhhh – nobody gonna’ want to read it.

But all that research plus the thousands of hours I’ve put in since then, is what forms the basis for what I talk about in this podcast, on social media, in my free parenting guides…and in Parent Camp.

See, as I was doing all of this reading and dissecting and writing, I was plotting this information out, literally on poster board with colored markers. I would sit on the bed and spread all my hand-written notes out in front of me, snippets from my research, post-it notes in various books, and I began to plot or diagram all the most important information and how it would fit together to inform the best outcome for teens and parents.

Now this took months and months of trial and error, figuring out the most important pieces and parts of the puzzle.

What I was doing was examining this whole parenting thing from many different angles – from different scientific disciplines, fields and areas of study.

I studied adolescent neurobiology and neuropsychology – to learn what happens to kids thoughts, emotions and behavior during adolescence and why. Then I studied each one of these aspects individually, which took me into emotion science and the many theories about where and how emotions originate and then onto emotional intelligence and the critical nature of becoming more emotionally aware and regulated – for both parents and teens…then onto how do we do that? Can parents teach themselves and their adolescents this stuff? And then I dug into adolescent and parental behavior – 2 totally different areas of study, I learned about discipline and the scientific studies behind the best way to teach teens better behavior.

Here's the way I look at it. If you have a problem to solve – any problem – and you have an accountant, a chiropractor and a proctologist in the room, the accountant is going to see if from a numbers perspective, the chiropractor from an adjustment perspective and the proctologist, from an asshole perspective. It’s just human nature.

Parenting guidance is no different. If you and your teen can’t get along, they’re doing things they shouldn’t be and you walk into a room full of parenting experts and ask how to solve your problem, you’ll get different answers depending on that expert’s focus.

For instance, If you ask an expert who studies, writes about and teaches mindfulness, they’re going to tell you that becoming a more mindful parent is the ticket.

If you talk to an expert in adolescent neuropsychology, they’re going to suggest that you learn all about what’s going on in your child’s brain so you can adjust your expectations and be more empathetic.

If you talk to an expert in adolescent discipline, they’re going to tell you that it’s a matter of understanding that discipline is all about teaching and not punishing.

All of these experts are right, but they’re myopic in their response – just like the accountant, the chiropractor and the proctologist.

As with any problem to solve, parenting and your teen’s behavior – it’s complicated - it’s not one-dimensional.

If you approach an issue from a single perspective, you only get part of the answer.

Listen, there are 2 personality traits that friends of mine have teased me about for years. One is the fact that I love to study and help other people study – “If you want to be top of the class, just study with Ann”. The other is my penchant for research – “If you want to know something, Ann will research it for you and get to the bottom of it”.

Well, let me tell you, those two attributes have served me well in this endeavor to educate you about parenting your teen. I’m not just spouting platitudes or teaching you what someone in some coaching course taught me to say. I’ve done the work myself, I changed the trajectory of my son’s life. I’m giving you the big picture, from every angle, a holistic approach to parenting your teen.

So, how did I end up putting all of my research together? Well, it’s a 4-part framework and I take you through it in the Field Guide for Teens, which is the online course I teach in Parent Camp.

The first part of the framework is learning about how the changes going on in your teen’s brain impact their thoughts, emotions and behavior so you can adjust expectations and increase your empathy for them (which will help you in the second part of the framework) which is helping you become more aware of and manage your own emotions so you can respond to your teen with more intention rather than by the seat of your pants.

The third part of the framework is all about communication – mainly how to communicate with your teen to help them become more emotionally aware and regulated and get the cooperation you need from them….and the last part of the framework is all about discipline – how to discipline your teens in a way that actually teaches them the thinking skills they need to become a responsible young adult (rather than focusing on rewards, punishment or retribution).

Now I’ve talked a lot about various parts of the framework here on the show. And I really hope you’ve been able to implement some of these strategies to make changes at home.

But if you’re still trying to figure this stuff out, stop doing it alone and come join me and the other parents in fall Parent Camp. I’ve done all this work for YOU. I’ve researched and I’ve studied, and I’ve formulated and written, so you don’t have to struggle like I did.

So, here's how Parent Camp works. We start and finish together as a group. I’ve taken my framework and put it into a really easy to follow video format in the Field Guide. Each lesson is no more than 4 to 9 minutes long.

Each week you’ll have about 30 to 45 minutes of videos combined with your workbook (can I just saw, this workbook is kick ass – you’ll be reflecting on your own parenting and be given additional information and parenting tools.

Then we’ll get together for our virtual meet over a period of 10 weeks and that’s when we really dig into what you learned in the lessons, discuss any issues you have with it, work through exercises or practice the skill we’re working on.

I hold your hand every step of the way to make sure you get it…and can do it. And if you have issues during the week, help is always available in our private Parent Camp Facebook group.

I really believe this cohort-based learning model is the best for you to get all you can out of Parent Camp. For almost the past year I’ve run Parent Camp as a membership model which has been great, (you can read the testimonials on the information page – the link at the bottom of the episode description)…

But I just felt there was a way parents could get even more out of it. When you have other people going through it with you, at the same pace, working on the exact same information, and meeting with you every week – there’s accountability, there’s emotional support and the feeling of “I’m not in this alone.”

So, I want you to seriously consider joining me in Parent Camp for the fall cohort. I want to help you – I know I can help you.

By the end of our 10 weeks together, you’ll be well on your way to strengthening the relationship with your teen, decreasing the conflict, and improving their behavior.

Open registration for the fall cohort is August 13^th through the 28^th. If you’re tired of trying to do this by yourself, you want to get on the fast track and make life better in your home, please sign up for Parent Camp.

Again, all the details are in the Parent Camp link at the bottom of the episode description in the app where you’re listening.

If you have questions, you’re welcome to email me at acoleman@speakingofteens.com – and we can even chat by phone or Zoom.

Alright, that’s all for Speaking of Teens today, I hope you’re a little bit closer to saying yes to Parent Camp so I can help you turn the tide with your teen.

Until next time, remember, a little change really does go a long way.