Your High Schooler Needs Some Self-Discovery Before Those College Visits
Ann
Are you completely freaked out about the college years not being too far off in the future? Likely anywhere from 7 years up to less than a year. Crazy huh?
If it looks like your teen is college bound (and it’s quite okay if they aren’t – there are certainly other paths to a happy and successful life) but if they are, no matter how long it will be before you pack up that U-Haul, today’s guest has fabulous advice for you and them.
This is Speaking of Teens, the podcast that helps parents who are struggling to find peace and connection with their teens. My name is Ann Coleman; I’m an attorney turned parent educator and a mom who has been there - and I’m on a mission to help you build a stronger relationship and decrease the conflict with your kid so you can help them grow into the young adult they’re meant to be.
Sonia Cacique is the host of the College and Career Ready podcast, and with 18 years in the career and technical education field she has a lot to share with us about making sure that your teenager ends up in a career that matches their unique talents and interests – and without all that debt hanging over their head in the end.
The first thing I asked Sonia was what high school students and parents should be doing when they first go into college and career mode.
Sonia Cacique
That's a great question. And so to be very frank and honest, the very first thing I wanna tell parents and students is you do not have to plan the rest of your career when you're in ninth grade, 10th grade, probably even 12th grade. You should use these years as exploration years to explore, ask questions, network.
find things that you're interested in. You know, this is the time to kind of discover yourself. And over time, you're gonna have that answer to that question, but you're not gonna have that answer when you're in ninth grade and 10th grade. So the very first thing I would say is explore, ask questions for our parent listeners, be curious. You know, there's so, even family members, if we can stop asking a child, what are you gonna do when you grow up?
Sonia Cacique
Or what are you gonna major in when you go to college? I mean, that can definitely just stomp a child and be like, oh my gosh, that's so much pressure and I'm not ready. And then our children will start labeling themselves. Oh, I'm so stupid, I'm so dumb, I'm not prepared. I should know the answers to these questions because everybody's asking me. So the number one thing is explore parents, be curious.
Sonia Cacique
Give them the opportunity to try out things. This is not the year to define, this is the year to explore. And we have a lot of great services out in the community organizations and even within the school that you can tap into with different interests that your child may have. If they wanna try, I don't know, arts and crafts one year, let them. If they wanna do robotics, let them. If they switch that's okay too. I think there's so much pressure. I see a lot of advertisements like, you know, define your passion so you can be accepted to the best college. And it's like, really? I mean, you're limiting a child so much by, you know, having those types of questions and those types of definitions so early in the process. So that's what I would say is explore together, be curious in for parent listeners, ask why. If they say, oh, I want to be, let's just give you a very simple one. I wanna be a millionaire. You know, I wanna be a millionaire one day. Okay, why? Why I just wanna make a lot of money? Okay, so what do you plan to do with that money? And then they will start thinking, like, backtrack and figure out their interests and their goals. And instead of this being this major milestone, they start defining and identifying themselves.
Ann
Yeah, and maybe looking at their values for, you know, what is it would, what would I do with all that money? And would I help people or would I just buy things or, you know, what, and then how am I going to get there? Well, you know, that the, um, asking kids, you know, high school kids, especially like ninth, 10th grade, 11th grade. I mean, I didn't know what I wanted to do until, well, the first thing I wanted to do until I was 27.
And then, you know, I just changed career paths in the last few years. So it's just, it's asking a lot of kids. One thing, it doesn't seem like kids in high school are even that aware of what careers there are out there to even do. So how do we help them become more aware of what they could even possibly do?
Sonia Cacique
That's a great question. So for my parents, you know, this is something where you're going to have to think back, think back before all the clutters started filling our children's mind. Um, all the labels, all the fog that starts getting created when they start going into the education system is what were they good at? What were they interested in? What did, what sparked their interest?
I mean, some of those things really you can go, even you and I, we can think back, I'm sure of things that we used to do when we were young. It was like, oh, no wonder I am in the career I am because I'm really good at this. And ever since I was little, I had this interest. But what happens is that they start becoming aware of what society is telling them. They start becoming aware of parent expectations and family expectations and the labeling that's occurring in that in the classrooms or with their work performance, and we'll talk about that because I think that's very important, is they start creating this narrative that now becomes different of who they were. So for our parents is, go back a little bit and ask yourself who was my child earlier on. And then together you can start saying, hey, you know what, Joseph, I remember that. And then you start sharing those stories to get them to remember as well things that they were interested in. That's one of the passions behind my podcast. I interview college students and professionals in various fields. As a matter of fact, there's this one young lady that I'm going to be interviewing hopefully in January. She is going into pharmacy school, but she has a specific interest in veterinary pharmacy. Very specific.
Even me, I've been in the pharmaceutical industry for a couple of years now, for several years now and for me it's like, ooh, veterinary pharmacy, interesting. I know, I know. And so that's...
Ann
That would have never occurred to me. How did she even figure that out? That's the thing is like, how do these kids even know that there's a thing like veterinary pharmacy until someone tells them? How did she even know that, do you know?
Sonia Cacique
Yeah. No, I don't. And that is part of why I plan to have her on the podcast because I've always been curious. That's just one of my natural skills. And I do ask a lot of questions. And I feel that if you don't come across someone who knows or tells you about it or can see that in you, you might lose a whole life of an opportunity. Like, let's just say you were very good a oh, programming is pretty simple because a lot of people, a lot of people know about that. But, um, yeah, let's. Yeah.
Ann
Yeah, maybe organizing. I mean, I know people that are so good at being organized, you know, something like that.
Sonia Cacique
Yeah, just something like that where you're like, hmm, you don't know until you experience it. So through these stories, through these, through these career journeys that we hear in our podcast, you know, our parent listeners and student listeners can be like, Oh, I never thought about that. That's something to consider. And then what I do with Discover U, which is my career coaching is I help them network.
Okay, you're interested in that. Let's find someone who is in that field so you can ask questions. And I mentor and I tutor students to ask those specific questions and how, because here's the thing. They can find someone who's in the industry and what is that person usually gonna do? Give you the best of the best of that profession. And so I tutor our students to ask questions, what is it that you don't like about your job?
What are the things that you don't look forward to? So we start having a big picture and not an Instagram post of a job. Yeah, and then what skills do they have? What makes them good at their job? So we do all of this in the career coaching and I love doing that because again, this is things that students can do for free and parents before they even start choosing a career.
Ann
Right. Yeah, yeah, that's important.
Yeah, I mean, that is such a good point because, you know, we never really talked about that with my son. I mean, the last couple of years of high school, you know, he was in no place to be talking about careers. But, you know, earlier on, it would have been so good to be talking to, you know, introducing him to different people who had different skills and different careers and different outlooks on life. That is so important. And one thing I think that is crucial is to ask that question about what is it you don't like about your job or what is it maybe that surprised you about it? Because I went to law school thinking I was going to be a prosecutor. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to put bad guys in jail. I just want to, you know, and then I get to law school and I discover that prosecutors don't make much money and I wanted to make money. So I'm like, well, I don't want to be a prosecutor they don’t make any money. So it's just and then I didn't realize that I would be studying for the rest of my life every freaking day. So it's something that if your kid does have an interest in something they really do need to get these answers from someone who's really already there and has been doing it for a while. Gosh that's important.
Sonia Cacique
Absolutely. And I that's another question that I help them ask or get comfortable in asking is salary range. Because here's another thing and we're going to talk about college selection. And we can actually do a great introduction to that right now is please parents sit with your child and find out what salary they're going to potentially going to be making and how much they're going to be going in-debt or not, how much their education is going to cost at different colleges or universities. There are options out there. And if you're going to be choosing a college because it's the it of the it college, yet the job that you are pursuing after college is not going to pay that debt in many years, is it really worth it? And so, and there's a lot of tricks about college selection that I, you know, that I talk about, because some of the colleges and universities that are really good are not looked at just because they don't have the name, title, or, you know, but not every college is good for every career or every degree. So that's where you want to explore and use the resources that are available once you do get to college.
Ann
Yeah, that's something that I don't think many people think about is that like you mentioned, return on your investment. Like, what am I going to make when I get out of college? And even those first two or three years sometimes out of college, you're not making what you're going to make, yet you still have to be servicing that debt that you've gone into.
It is so important. I mean, you look at state schools versus private schools and in-state versus out-of-state and, you know, are you going to get scholarships? So, yeah, so that's a whole, whole other thing is trying to decide, you know, is it worth this amount of money to go or should I save money and do it a different way? So talking about, you know, their careers and we'll get to the going to college part in a minute, but so...
Ann
When they are trying to go through this process in high school of thinking about what they want to do and kind of discovering themselves, what are some of the other things that you recommend that they do to get prepared for later careers?
Sonia Cacique
Yeah, are you talking about when they're in high school?
Ann
Yeah, when they're in high school, what can they be doing and what should they be thinking about other than filling out applications and all of that stuff, the specific college
Sonia Cacique
Oh, yes, absolutely. Find what you like in the classes that you're currently taking. Um, and you know, what is it that, what's that one project you're looking forward to? Let me tell parents out there, just to think about this for a second. Are we all good at everything? Because we're not. And unfortunately in the education system, we have set this standard where everybody should be good at everything, at every subject.
And that is not reality. It's not even reality for me at the age. And I've been, I've invested years in education and I'm not good at everything and I'm not good at every subject. So really don't, do not discourage your child when they're struggling with a class. Help them manage the class and help them develop skills to do better, but at the same time, highlight what they're good at. Even if it's writing, it's like, oh, that's...a beautiful way to explain that or, you know, the way you did this project was very creative. Use words and labels that uplift them, that encourage them because let me tell you, any small word of negativity, they take it and they keep it. Like they literally completely label themselves on their forehead with that label. So let's be a little more creative in the way we're discussing anything with them in regards to, you know, performance.
Ann
Let me ask you, we'll start this up again, because I want to ask you about that. So let me ask you about, so the labels and the labeling, are you saying that when they don't make great grades in this class or that class, that we should be trying to find the positive side of that and try to help them not to say, oh, I'm a loser, I can't write or I can't do this. Is that what you mean?
Sonia Cacique
Yes.
I mean, yes. And what I'm trying to say is you're reframing it and saying, Hey, hey, John, how can I better support you, son? I see, I see you struggled a little bit here, but you're so good at X, Y, and Z. Right. You're so good. And, and, and these other things, I bet if I, you know, if we really figure out what might, what might be hindering your ability in this that can help you. Maybe you just need some insight. Maybe if I help you throughout this, you know, it depends on what it is, but you're reframing. So you're actually identifying what is needed to kind of help encourage them. It's not a failure. And that's the thing, you know, I dislike that, you know, schools have like pass fail. I mean, because guess what? All of us grow the most through our failures. Like those experiences build us up. And if we can always remember to tell that to our children is that, you know, when we have situations that the performance was not what we expected, then you start identifying like, okay, what could have been done better? What could I have? How can I have supported you? So you put it on yourself. Instead of saying, you know, and what could you have done better? You can say, and what could I have done to supported you? What could I've done to make, you know, to help you in this process. That's how we can reframe the labeling. I'm telling you, I had this one mom share with me and this is a couple of years ago. She said, I don't know if my children and her kids are now in college and doing very, very successful in, you know, in college. And she said, I don't know if they were the smartest, but man, I sure told them all the time that they were the smart the smartest in the class, they were intelligent, they were creative, and I don't know if that was part of it or what, but I felt like they believed me, and they started living in that way. And so again, it's just small things like that we can reframe and make our kids think more positively about themselves, because social media especially can easily discourage people and start making you feel like.
Sonia Cacique
dumb or not good enough the likes you know not enough likes you know on a commoner's I think can really be discouraging.
Ann
Yeah. Well in school, high school, yeah, and it just seems so much more competitive now in high school than it used to be. I never thought about high school as a competitive environment at all. I mean, I made terrible grades. I didn't care. I mean, my 11th and 12th grade year, I cared because I had a goal I wanted to reach, but not ninth and 10th grade. And I think a lot of kids, too, the ones who have learning challenges or ADHD or, you know, undiagnosed things like I had undiagnosed ADHD. So I didn't do well, but I think it's really easy for them to get down on themselves because they feel like they can't do much of anything right. So I love your, you know, your advice is to be positive, stay positive because we do tend to, you know, why can't you make an A in this or why can't you make at least a B in this? And you need to study harder and you're not pulling your weight and you're not doing, we do need to search for the positive. And also I think it's such a good point to say, you know, that's okay that you made a D, what can we learn from this or how can we grow from this, you know, this thing that you didn't do so great at? I mean, that's all, that's what the growth mindset is all about is I can take this and learn from it and keep growing. But I think we as parents, we forget that because we are, we look at the results so much because we want them to do well so that they will get into a good college, so they will have life success. And we start putting all of this on them, our fear on them, and it just, it just makes everybody a big ball of nerves. I just hate the whole thing. It makes me nervous thinking about it.
Sonia Cacique
Yeah. And you know what, Ann? It's our own fear as a parent. It's our own fear that we're portraying on our child because we want them to quote unquote be successful. But I challenge any parent, if you want to call to action, is ask your teenager, what does success mean to you? Ask them. What does that look like for them? Because what looks what success looks like for you is different for me and it's going to be different for my husband. And so ask them what does success look like for you and just see through their eyes what they see and what they believe.
Ann
Yeah, don't assume that your idea of success is their idea of success, right? Because we all kind of tend to think of success in financial terms and not in fulfillment, our own personal fulfillment. But believe it or not, everybody doesn't need to make a fortune. Now, I don't know, kids now in high school, they do see a lot of YouTubers and a lot of influencers and a lot of people making millions of dollars, but.
I don't think every single one of them feel like that's what they have to do in life. So I think that's a really good point. What would success look like for you and maybe look into the future and see where they would want to be and then try to figure out how should they get there, right?
Sonia Cacique
Absolutely, and this goes back to our original point of asking why, you know, why do you want to be financially successful? What does that look like to you? What would you buy with that money? And I wanted to point this out because I think this is important because, you know, earlier we mentioned or we just a minute ago, we just mentioned about being positive. And of course, as parents, we know that not everything is positive. We understand that the best way for you to have that conversation about growth and negative circumstances, trouble is by your own experiences. By coming home and saying, man, you know what? Today I had a meeting and I think it didn't go as I had planned. You can call yourself at that moment and say, you know what? It kind of sucked or you know, I felt like I wasn't prepared enough. Whatever, like you're expressing it through your own perspective, but then you do the reframing on your own and you're doing it in front of them so now they're listening and hearing you. And I know, Ann, I know you've said this before too, we can preach all we want, but if we are not behaving in the way that we are speaking, our actions speak louder than our words. So in your own behavior.
Ann
Yeah, and that's such a good point, I think too, is that as adults, we don't get graded on what we do. We don't bring home a D or a C or an F or an A. It's just all about what the results are and what we see and how we feel about it, which God, I so wish that's how students, that was their experience too, that they didn't get graded somehow. But anyway, like you said, coming home and saying I had a hard day at work and I feel like I didn't do this very well or I didn't do that very well or I made a mistake saying this or the boss didn't like that and then pointing out, but I'm gonna try this next time and I think I'll do it this way, maybe I should have blah, blah. That's such a good point. And I don't think parents do that very often. I mean, I talked a little bit about work. Like I don't remember coming home and saying, yeah, me and this guy nearly got into a knockdown drag out in the in the courtroom the other day, you know, but maybe I should have and said, you know, I had to go out in the hall and take a deep breath and do this or do that. I think that's really brilliant to talk about and to talk about maybe just in general more about what we do. Maybe they, you know, they would find what we do interesting and they might even consider doing something like we do for our career, you never know.
Sonia Cacique
Absolutely. And coping skills are so essential at any age. And so if you can even tell your child like, man, you know what, I could really use a hug today. Today was rough, you know, or one thing that I say a lot out loud here because I think sleep is very important. I mean, it really is important. The studies have shown it. So I will say to the family, you know what? I did not sleep well last night. I'm going to bed early because in order for me to perform, you know, to my best potential, I need to go to bed early. So I say this out loud and I model it again, because we're trying to teach our children coping skills, which are so essential, not just now, but as a transition. And you asked me about how we can better prepare our students in high school. So time management is the second one is so important, because our children will go from a handheld experience in high school, to an experience of on your own, figure it out. If you need help, come to me. At the high school is, hey, it looks like you need help. Hey, you need to go to tutoring. Wait, you didn't come to tutoring today. You need to come to tutoring tomorrow. You know, all of these things are, you know, our education leaders do it and we're so thankful for that. But then we don't prepare them for the transition. So when they go to college and they do need tutoring, they need to find it on their own. The services are available at the college, but they don't come to you. You have to go to them. So time management is one of them. And then learning how to be resourceful, which kind of goes hand in hand, is being able to find those resources on your own. So for the time management, make sure that you hold their hand, but then you kind of let go too. And you know why we hold their hands so much? Because again, we're afraid of failure, right? And so what we're doing is we're preventing that learning opportunity. And then they don't actually quote unquote fail or come into a circumstance where they have to go through it themselves and learn and then grow from it. So time management is one of those. It's like you cannot tell your child what they're supposed to do every minute on the hour. They have to figure that out on their own. And sometimes you're just gonna have to watch and hold your breath and let them see the effect of it. I know it's so hard, I know, I know. But time management is so important because as they transition to, you know it, and when they go to college, they've gotta figure it out on their own.
Ann
Yeah, that's a huge, huge difference. I mean, going from high school where the teachers are reminding you of things and your parents are reminding you of things to being off on your own and having no one to remind you of things. But I do think that's too, that's a problem that we parents see. But instead of stepping back in high school, I think a lot of us are stepping way forward in college and we're continuing to hold their hands and to help them. And then, listen, I even read, I can't remember where it was, not too long ago, that someone ..
Sonia Cacique
That's it. And it wasn't him.
Ann
It wasn't him - that someone was talking about how their company had to put together parent packets for their new hires out of college because the parents were calling the company to try to figure out how to help their kid who's just graduated from college get into the company and do well in the company. So they literally finally said, oh, my God.
We've got to put, yeah, so that's a little bit off topic, but yeah, we have to put together parent packets for our new hires out of college. So parents, we've got to step back. And even the other day, I was having a conversation. My husband and I were on speaker phone with my son, he's 22, lives in Colorado on his own. His knee is hurting. He's had knee surgery a couple of years ago. And my husband was saying, would you want me to call the doctor and make an appointment? I was like punching him in the side going, no, he can make his own.
Ann
If his knee is hurting, he needs to make that appointment himself. And Steve was like, okay, okay. So yeah, that backing up is so hard. And you're right. It is our problem. It is our fear that, you know, we don't want to see our kid fail. But I think, you know, if we stop and think about it rationally, it's better for them to fail in ninth, tenth, eleventh, even twelfth grade than it is to fail in college where it's costing an arm and a leg or in their job in the future or in their marriage. Yeah. Great point.
Sonia Cacique
their job. Yeah. And you know, time blocking, helping them. I don't know what it is. But you know, well, I know what it is. Their brains are not fully developed. It's like, you know, they feel like, oh, I have all this time to finish the project. But you really have to help them break it down. So that is one part you can help them with is like the breaking, breaking it down and then having a little bit of a plan, but then backing up and letting them try to follow the plan on their own. Because yeah, for them, they just feel they have all the time in the world and then suddenly it's like, oh wait, that's due tomorrow. So yeah, yep. And then really, yeah, and really evaluating or prioritizing what's most important for them. It probably is the most important, but we do have to, you know, there are things that we can do as parents like, well, unfortunately, you will not be able to, you know, do this social this takes priority. And sometimes it hurts a little bit because you don't want them to miss on great opportunities and fun opportunities with friends, but priorities are priorities. It takes a little bit. It's a little bit of a challenge, I'm not gonna lie, but it's so important. It is so beneficial, not only for their, like you said, their college life, but even if they go straight into a job or if they're in high school, you know, have a part-time job, time management is key.
Ann
Yeah. What about, I heard you talking about networking even in high school the other day and I thought, God, that's such a good point because we sure didn't stress that and I don't even know where I would begin. So tell me a little bit about that. What do you recommend to parents and kids about networking?
Sonia Cacique
Yeah, networking to me, that is the best secret out there. The best secret is, it is not a secret because, and you can gain so much through connections. And now with social media, actually, that is a benefit of it. But let me give you an example. Let's say that your child had an interest in veterinary science, right?
Well, more than likely, there's a veterinarian close to you that maybe you can reach out to or help guide your teen to reach out to. And it just takes a phone call, it just takes one email. And if they get a no, well, guess what? That's an experience, right? And you keep on asking. I promise that more likely than not, someone in their professional field will be more than happy to spend a 15-minute time block for a phone call or I honestly, I really encourage students to try to ask for shadowing even just for an hour. Like, I'm just going to stand back and just observe you for an hour. That can be so essential because you're getting them in the front stage of you know, the actual career. Your school system, your school wherever you go, I bet they know someone, you know. They might even have an alumni from that school who is in a career that you might be interested in. I always say interested, right? Because we're exploring. So, there is a lot of people out there that are willing to help and connect. Parents, you do have to help with this and you might have to face your own fear of, you know, reaching out to people. But it can really be a game changer. It can be that first connection that your child has in a professional world. And if that ends up being the career that they choose, then they might have their first job network right there. So really building a network and showing them how to find their people. And by this, I mean social groups, organizations. This is a skill that if we can teach our children in the high school will be so beneficial in the long run.
What we see a lot and the studies have shown that we are the most, oh, what's the word that they said? We're the most connected, we're the most connected yet the most disconnected, if that makes sense. Our youth are so isolated now, are so disconnected, are so lonely. And so when we start teaching them how to find their people, this is not. Now we're not talking about a career network. Now we're just talking about networking, having friendships, finding a student group, starting your own organization in your high school. Things that interest you, it's so important because those connections can help you in the process. And that's something that they can later transfer into college and their career. So really, really learning how to find people that have similar interests, similar beliefs, hobbies, find your tribe, and it will take a while. It's not gonna be simple. That's something that I work with one-on-one with students on how to do that is how to really start connecting and asking questions. And again, there's so many resources out there, but we kind of have to just look around.
Ann (
your tribe. Yeah, I think that's a really good point that if somebody in high school is really interested in something and maybe they don't know other people in their school that are interested in it, if they put something out there and they say, you know, I'd love to form an organization in school that where we get together and do XYZ or they might can find because of social media, they may be able to find kids at other schools and maybe they can get together outside of school to focus on this one thing.
I mean, that's really a good point because I think there are a lot of kids who are interested in some pretty, you know, esoteric, you know, ideas or things that maybe not a lot of other people are interested in, but there are always people out there who are interested in it. And that's what, you know, and that's the thing I was talking about, you know, not knowing what careers there are out there. You know, there are kids who are interested in things and then they realize, oh, that could actually turn into a career or that being interested in this one little weird thing could be something that I could turn into a career. So talking to people about your interests and finding those other people, that's a great idea. And I love the networking idea. I mean, I tell you, I just, I've never even really heard many people say this about doing this in high school, but it makes so much sense that, you know, if you ask somebody to shadow them, I don't know many people who are going to say no. I mean, dyou know, you want to help younger kids. And so I think if they call that you'd be less likely to say no than if a parent calls, you know, I'm not going to turn down some high school kid that wants to come sit and watch me do whatever I do. So that's a great idea. I love it.
Sonia Cacique
Yeah, absolutely. As a matter of fact, I had a student that I coached and you know, when I do work one on one with students, I do try to handle a little bit more of the networking because that's part of my service. And you know, I got this one student connected with a contracting company of NASA, who actually provides products for NASA. And when we went, I went with him on this shadowing experience and he was blown away. Oh, I mean, it was just to see the sparkle in his eyes. And actually I mentored him so well that when we were there, they were impressed with him. Because I always tell my students, when you go and you're shadowing, do not sound interesting, sound interested. Be interested in them, not make it all about you. But when you find the opportunity to talk about yourself, then you can do so.
Sonia Cacique
And I mean, they were blown away and that's his, he's graduating this year and I told him, you already have a connection for the future as far as work. And that just happened from, you know, one experience.
Ann
Yes! You know, that's the point too. I mean, it is, as far as getting jobs and getting business opportunities, it is absolutely all about connections. So just having one person, one person that you know in an industry, in a corporation somewhere that can do an introduction for you, or say, yes, call so-and-so and use my name. I mean, that is, and we know that as adults, but to establish those ties early on and keep them throughout college? I mean, that's brilliant advice, I love that. So I'm looking forward to seeing now, four or five years down the line, we'll have to see these kids who are doing this right now with you, see how those networks and connections paid off, but it sounds like it's going to. So tell me what else that we should be doing before we get into, of course, we don't have a lot of time left, but before we get into like the colleges and where and what and all that kind of stuff. Are there other things that we need to be doing with them in high school or preparing them for in high school before we actually start like the whole application process and discussing what college they're gonna go to and everything?
Sonia Cacique
Yeah, so, you know, basically, and I'm gonna just walk you real quickly through each steps. And we've actually covered most of them right now is the first one is self-discovery, is identify who your child is before anything else. You know, I feel like so many parents and educators, we jump into like, what do you want to do? And we haven't really asked the inner questions of who they are, what, you know, what they, what their goal is, what success means for them. So, definitely self-discovery. Second would be career exploration, and that goes hand in hand with networking, and we talked about that. So explore through your network. LinkedIn is a great opportunity and a great place for parents and students to find people in different professions. So do the career exploration, network, and then the last piece, that's when we go through college selection. And unfortunately, the majority, go straight to college application and college selection. And then the child ends up at a college that wasn't right fit. So let's go ahead and transition to college selection because I think this is gonna be huge and very important. And I don't wanna miss this opportunity to share this with your audience. Not every college is fit for everybody and not every college is fit for every career. Okay, so let's just put it out there and make sure people listen to this.
When we are asking those questions of why and interests, et cetera, when we get down to that last part of college selection, ask your child what they envision. When they were in high school, what did they enjoy? Did they enjoy group work? Did they enjoy research? Did they prefer small group? Did they prefer large group? Because that varies by college and university. And so once you start identifying that, then you can start finding colleges and universities that align with what your child is looking for. And I've shared this story before, in when I've shared a lot of my career and my education trajectory, I started at a community college. And it wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that I actually suffered from anxiety. And looking back, I went to a community college and it was the best decision I could have ever made because knowing now what I didn't know then about my anxiety, if I probably would have joined a four-year university with hundreds of students in the classroom, I might have not made it. It's just very honest. That's my personality, right? So you know your child, have those open conversations with them to help identify the college and universities. A big, big myth.
And we're gonna talk college selection with affordability at the same time. A big myth is that private schools are expensive. That private schools are expensive. Please do not strike through private schools. Again, look for colleges that work, you know, that are based on what you're looking for as far as, you know, the class setup, the professors, you know, the campus. The programs that you're considering, right? Because even going first year into college, you might not know exactly yet, right? So programs that you're interested, apply to as many colleges as you can. Do not narrow it at this point, because guess what? The system is a little backwards. You apply, and then you're told how much it's gonna cost. Now, when do we do that, right? Well, no, there are some instances where we do. But we apply, and then it's not until April, May, where we start getting award letters, that we start figuring out what it's really going to cost us. Because the sticker price is not going to be the same for all. And so apply to as many colleges as you can, and then see what they're going to be offering you. Because remember, return on investment is key. And so once you get those award letters, now you can start comparing and now you can start narrowing your selection as far as where you want to go. And if there is a school that you are, well, let me back up. When you get an award letter, you have the right to appeal it. I'm not going to say they're going to say, you know, no, or yes, or either immediately. But there is an option to appeal. What does that mean that you say, you know, College X, Y, and Z offered me this amount, and I really wanna come here. Is there any way you can help me match it? And that is something they can consider. I have heard stories of colleges, because when, at the end of the day, it's a business, and they're trying to get your business, and if they see that you're going to go to a competitor because they're offering you a better package, then there's more opportunity for them to negotiate. Okay, so do not apply, consider the private schools because sometimes those private schools have more funding to give you more money. Again, the price on the tag is not the final price, it's what they're going to be awarding you. And there's, again, there's money within each school that they have available to their students. And so that's something that people overlook and they just is like, oh, this is what I get. Appeal it. And you can always ask and see what happens.
Ann
Are we talking about scholarship money? Or...
Sonia Cacique
We're talking about when you get your financial aid offer letter from the university.
Ann
Okay. Because I know nothing about this. Nothing. Okay. So, they send you a letter. Okay.
Sonia Cacique
Yeah, with yeah, when you get your financial aid with saying, you know, you qualify for, you know, this amount of money or scholarships, internal scholarships, like different things. And then you can actually go to the financial aid office and say, you know, is there an opportunity for me to appeal this because I really want to come to the school. But unfortunately, you know, that's not very possible for our family. You can even say, you know, X, Y, and C school offered me this. Is there any way, you know, y'all can help match it? It does not hurt to ask. Okay. It does not hurt to ask.
Ann
Okay. So, I have more questions about this just real quick. So if you're talking about like, we fill out all the applications for financial aid, and then based on those applications, they'll say, this is how much we can give you in financial, in loans or whatever towards your tuition and all of that stuff. But you're saying if they award you 20,000, you can go back and try to get more than that because, okay, I gotcha.
Sonia Cacique
Yes, and the individual schools have internal scholarships that you could possibly qualify for academics or, you know, there's different opportunities there that might be available to you. And so two different colleges might offer you different scholarships depending on what funding they have available for their students and depending on the criteria that they have.
Ann
You can see how much I did not do any of that. We were not even focused on this in ninth and 10th grade. And by the time all the crap hit the fan, you know, this was not even on my radar. So I know nothing about it. When I went to college, you just said, I want to go there and you just went. I mean, it was just, that was just it. So.
Sonia Cacique
No, and it's so important now because college is being more and more expensive. And for me, I did not graduate with not one single loan, not owning anything. And I did work. So that's something I and we'll all talk about the other options that I that I'm going to mention a minute, but I did work part time, I always worked when I was in college, and some way or somehow, my parents we're not privileged. So it's not like they were like, here you go, Sonia, just go to school full time. But I was always very resourceful and I tried to apply as many scholarships and opportunities that I could. When I graduated with my bachelor's and I was working actually for a couple of years now, I had heard, again, this is why the networking is so important and I love sharing resources with our community. I heard someone...
Somebody had graduated with their degree in school counseling and you know as we were talking she mentioned Oh, yeah, I got a full-ride scholarship. I was like what for graduate school and she's like, yeah, and she says this you know this University offered me, you know, and here's the contact person. So this is a funny side. I don't think I've ever said this publicly So I called the person and they're like, oh yes, that was you know, that was a grant that was available but we don't have funding right now and we don't know if there's gonna be funding. Okay, so guess what I did six months down the line. I called again. I said, hey, do y'all have and I, to be honest, I don't know how many times I did that. It was definitely over maybe one, one and a half years. And finally, she says, guess what? We just got funding. And I got a full ride scholarship to get my master's in counseling.
But okay, so, okay, that's a good story because it just goes to show you that persistence pays off, number one, and that you never know until you ask. And you know, I've learned that in all kinds of areas of life, but I never thought about it in the, you know, getting scholarship money or, you know, college money. But yeah, ask.
Especially for graduate school. And I've always had my original email address that I had back then. I need to go back. I bet you I could find a letter, an email where it would be like, hey, is there any funding available? Because she didn't say no. She said there just isn't funding right now. So yeah. And that's what I mean by internal funding. You never know what opportunities are out there. And for graduate schools.
Ann
Available right now. Yeah, okay. God. That's a good story. Okay
Sonia Cacique
you know, even parents listeners, if you're considering maybe a graduate program, ask you never know, you know, never know what opportunities are out there. So, filling is one thing. And then, oh, I know what I was gonna mention. Yeah, you know, then that's where my passion came from, is from seeing students graduate, not being able to find a job, and then also owing a lot of money. I have heard parents, parents of high schoolers who are still paying their own education while they're trying to fund their children's education. So things like that just, if I can do anything, I try, right? And so appealing, shop around. I know somebody phrased it, are you talking like a flea market shopping? And I was like, oh. So shop around, apply to as many colleges as possible.
Compare them to each other consider work study Those are great opportunities within the school if you're working part-time Anywhere you never know big companies Starbucks and you know, they might offer tuition reimbursement ask it doesn't hurt to ask Let's see. Oh Google search. Let me tell you a real quick trick. That's that somebody shared with me on my podcast and Like this is a game changer when you are searching for scholarships and you're like scholarships class of 2024, first of all, that's going to give you a search that a lot of people are doing. So try to be more specific like Hispanic, Latino, Houston area. I don't know, robotics, whatever this is something that's unique and the end describes you and then do the search and then don't look at the first or second or third page of Google. Go further down because the ones that come, it's an algorithm, right? The ones that come first are the ones that people mostly search for, which are the ones that people are mostly going to apply to. So go down the line to page two, three, four, five, and then start looking for scholarships there that you could possibly qualify.
Look locally ask again in your community There's a lot of opportunities out there when I hear stories of people saying that there goes money wasted Because nobody claims it. I'm like, how is that possible?
Ann
Yeah. Well, you know, and I have read before and you just reminded me of it. I have seen people say, you know, there are scholarships out there that you would not believe are available and they're so specific. Like you said, like, you know, maybe I have a hearing problem and I'm like Latino and I'm first generation, you know, to go to college or something like that. There are so specific. Yeah.
Sonia Cacique
Yes! Yeah. I mean, anything that identifies you as being, you know, unique. Yeah, absolutely.
Ann
Yes, that's a really good point. Okay. So about then the money and the ROI and all that kind of stuff and comparing is one thing that people should consider because you and I both went to junior college. I went full two years and then transferred. So how do you see that as weighing in with all this stuff? And why are people may be more reluctant to do it.
Sonia Cacique
So, well, first of all, when you, and I'm literally staring at it right now, when you graduate with your four-year degree, nowhere, and I'm looking at it right now, nowhere on my degree does it say, Sonya attended community college for two years. I'm staring at it right now and I'm trying to find it. So, it does not. It will say where you graduate from. That's number one. Number two, I mean, if you are offered an opportunity, a full-ride scholarship for a four-year university, and it's a small university, go for it. Even if it's a big one, but you feel that you're confident enough and you have the skills and abilities, go for it. I'm not just, I don't discourage anybody from either or. I'm just saying there are options. Consider who your child is as an individual and see what is best served for them. Now earlier we talked about networking. I'm not gonna end networking at the high school. I'm gonna say, when you go to school, your there's tons to the college or university. There is tons of opportunities there to network because let me tell you, I had a student who graduated from Columbia University, amazing university. And let me tell you, it did not make his job search any easier because he graduated from there, okay? So it didn't make it easier. What made it harder for him, and we talked about this a lot afterwards, was unfortunately, the lack of connections he was able to make. And this was COVID related too. But that shows, that proves to you that what is most important is the connections you make with the resources you have, with the people that you have within your university. You can go to a top two university and not know not one single person not have one connection. And then guess what you are applying online going into an online system of hundreds, if not thousands of applicants.
So what's gonna make the difference? The connections you made, the people, and learn how to ask questions. Parents, please have, when you're trying to get, especially at the high school, when you're trying to get your child to do something, instead of calling the teacher, you have him or her ask. Say, hey, ask the teacher, because that relationship is gonna build communication skills that they're gonna need when they get to the college level.
Because now they can know how to ask questions to their professors ask for people that they might know Maybe they need a summer internship. They might know someone and your professors will know a lot of people in the field so again, the networking does not and Once you get to college if not, it becomes much more important Because I want students to know that any school can give them opportunities But they have to look for them and I don't want them to go to a top and i'm not discouraging. Please do not feel because I want you to go to the best college possible, but also that's going to provide you the best experience with the least amount of debt. So don't think that just because you have a name on your degree, it's going to make it easier for you to find a job. I had another person, he actually works for a big district here in town and he said that a Stanford graduate and a local university graduate working for the same position. Again, yeah, I'm sorry, but especially in the school system, you're not going to get paid that much more because your degree is from a certain university. Now, again, I just want to make sure that I'm clear. I will definitely advocate for the best option for you and I want you to, but I don't want you to go in debt for it or not being able to find a job because you...You trusted that the name recognition was going to get you the job and you did not do any networking.
Ann
I think that is such a good point because people assume that if they go to an Ivey or to at least one of the really, really well-known universities, that name alone on their degree is going to get them that first job. And so you're saying, not quite. You still have to do the work. You still have to do the networking. Yeah. I think they assume, oh, well, you know, any alumni that went there is going to hire you, you know, just because your name is there. So that's a really good point.
Sonia Cacique
Yes. Yeah, and if you think about it too, if you go to recognize as far as ranks, sorry, not recognize, rank school ranks or university ranks, I mean, it's still an algorithm. The schools who've been there longer, obviously, are they're gonna be ranked a lot more. And then there's a lot of other factors that take into play. That does not mean that all the other schools are not good enough.
Okay, as a matter of fact, there's a local university here that had mentioned to me that they have a hundred percent of their students who are going into law school get accepted. A hundred percent. Okay, that's a hundred percent, you know. So I want you to ask these questions when you are in the college selection process is, you know, ask about you know, the job outlook for the graduates, for the alumni job placements, you know, the percentage, how many people are actually finding jobs in their field, those are very important questions, because at the end of the day, that's what we want. That's what we want. We want our children to be successful and find a job and find a career that they like. Well, all of these tips that we mentioned today are all working towards that.
Ann
Yeah, that is such great advice. Sonia, this has been wonderful. You've given us so much to think about and so much to do. Is there anything else that you can think of that we have not mentioned?
Sonia Cacique
I want to just wrap up by saying to all parents, it all starts with open communication, non-judgmental open communication. Being curious, be as curious as you can be. And something that Ann Moss Rogers, who was a guest on my podcast shared with me, and I will have to remember this a lot, is ask and you don't always have to expect an answer right away. But it at least lets them thinking about it. Sometimes we're wanting that answer right then and there. And sometimes you might just say, what could have you have done differently? And then you just walk away, kind of just let them think about it. So, listen more. And then when you're asking, ask more open-ended questions, build that relationship with your child. That is gonna be key is just having that communication with them, non-judgmental, and then really seeing through their eyes what success looks like. I think anybody can achieve it, but it takes baby steps and it takes someone to be walking alongside with them, not in front of them.
Ann
Great information, right?
If you’d like your teen to work with Sonia one-on-one, she has a program called Discover U where she coaches your teen on all of these issues we just discussed and more - plus, you can listen to the College & Career Ready Podcast where she talks to parents about how to help their teens on this journey and interviews people in various careers so your teen can listen in to see the possibilities. I’ll have all the links for you right there in the episode description where you’re listening.
That’s all for Speaking of Teens today. Thank you so much for being here and allowing me to talk to you and these wonderful guests every week. I’m so privileged to have such a wonderful job!
If you want to connect with me and other parents you can check out the Facebook Group - the link is at the bottom of the episode description.
And please tell other parents about the podcast so we can help as many as possible.
Until next time, remember, a little change goes a long way!